Dog Community

Not an Easy Decision

Posted : 4/3/2006 11:31:15 AM

Hello all! I am new to this whole posting on a forum thing so sorry if I do things wrong. My husband and I have to make a very hard decision concerning our new puppy and I know the best place to go for advice with dogs is other dog lovers!

My husband and I are expecting our first baby in mid-August (yay! [

]) and we had put a deposit down on a golden retriever puppy for me before I got pregnant, but because of how much the pup was going to cost we had to withdraw from our contract. Since then we had been desperately searching for a less expensive puppy because I really wanted one and really wanted the responsibility. So about a month ago, we received a letter about coonhound puppies that someone was giving away and my husband was interested in getting one. After doing a lot of research on the breed, we decided that they had the energy level we wanted and the love of children we needed so we took home Mora (eight weeks old at the time), the only little girl puppy left. The first few weeks were terrible as we tried to work out her schedule to fit ours, but this past week we finally did it and she is everything we wanted! She is intelligent, she learned how to walk on a leash on day one, she is learning to ring a bell on the door when she has to go potty and she will do anything for a treat (except get off our bed if we are on it. How can something so small have so much love?), but recently I have been having physical issues with training/taking care of her that I had not counted on.
My baby is putting pressure on a nerve in my leg and there are mornings where I cannot get out of bed to go to the bathroom without crying because of the pain. Obviously, this means that taking her down and up three flights of steps to go potty is out of the question. I have to keep her in her crate much longer than she needs because I cannot watch her well enough to make sure she goes out when she needs to. My husband is going away for all of May and I will have full care of her. This summer he will also be working full time and I will continue to have to take her out when I am 7 months pregnant and on. And after the baby is born, I will still have to do all the physical work since he is in college and the breadwinner of the family ([sm=clapping%20hands%20smiley.gif]). I am very very concerned because I know (unfortunately, there is no doubt) that I am not going to be able to give her the physical attention she needs. While it's "easy" to take her for a half hour to hour long walk now it will be much more difficult in winter with a newborn attached. It makes me so sad that I cannot even play with her. She is an amazing dog! We are hooked on coonhounds! That is what makes it so difficult trying to decide if we should find her a new home. My husband and I feel like idiots because we did not consider my physical state before getting her. Thinking about it, we decided that the best thing for her would be to find her a new home (if I can find one I feel suits her, I am really picky) but he is extremely attached and it is a very hard decision to make when so much of your heart is involved. We're also sad that our baby won't be around dogs from day one like we were. We could really use some advice right now (no, "you should have known the physical responsibilities when you got her" rants because duh! we've realized our mistake[sm=lame.gif])
She is not a bad dog! She has no "bad habits" except puppy biting (which is getting better) and being protective of her pig ears (also getting better). We are not trying to re-home her because of behavior issues. It is all my inability to take care of her like she deserves.

Sorry about the length of the post, this is a complicated problem for us. Thanks in advance for any advice!
- Nicole

ron2

Posted : 4/3/2006 11:52:39 AM

You wouldn't be the first. The lady who owned the lab that wanted to have our dog sire a litter (we didn't breed for ethical and moentary reasons) eventually moved to a house closer in town with no fence around the yard and the landlord wouldn't let her keep a large breed dog. So, she had to give the dog to a friend and it broke her heart. The friends take loving care of the dog and had her spayed, which is also a good thing. And am I glad we didn't breed? Oh yeah, because a litter of husky/lab pups would have been hard to place. Coonhounds are excellent dogs and it is hilarious to hear them singing when they find a squirrel.

If you can't care for the dog then you are doing the right thing to re-home her. It sounds like you live in an apartment. I think you're going to have problems with the stairs just from being pregnant. Maybe you guys can get a downstairs unit with a patio. In some places, it doesn't cost much more to rent a house than it does to rent an apartment. Do you have a friend to dogsit for you, especially around term, before and after? Or can you get through this and still enjoy your dog later, when things have settled down?

huskymom

Posted : 4/3/2006 11:53:43 AM

Are you in an apartment? And hence the up and down stairs? If you are I'm not sure what you could do about that. If not just hang out downstairs as much as possible. How is her potty training coming? How long between potty breaks?

Are you financially stable enough to afford a dog walker? Or are there any teenagers nearby that would like to earn a little extra cash? You can keep up with most of her training from a chair when it hurts to walk but exercising a coonhound in an apartment is tough. Doggy daycare may be another option a couple days a week. Also get her a kong if you havent and stuff it with yogurt and kibble, or whatever you want basically and freeze it to keep her occupied when you need to. Its easy to make meal times last for an hour with them. Check out the Busy Dog Ball too.

Is your husband going to take paternity leave when you have the baby? Because a new baby is not conducive to having a puppy that will be in its teenage phase by then. Especially if you are by yourself for the greater part of the day.

You could talk to your doctor about what you can do to help with the nerve problem. Maybe a massage therapist could help. Also they have those strappy things to help hold up your tummy when you get bigger. At 4 months along your baby should still change position alot and things may get better. Here's hoping. I was lucky, I had crazy energy throughout my pregnancy after 3 months or so.

I really hope you can work something out. And don't beat yourself up too much, everyone makes mistakes. And guilt contributes to a cholicky baby. Take your vitamins and stay as active as you can and your energy will stay up. And dont turn down help.

schleide

Posted : 4/3/2006 2:31:33 PM

If the primary issue is your physical pain, I think I would look for someone to help before I re-homed the puppy (since this is a temporary issue). As other posters have suggested, maybe you can find a local kid who loves animals, or a dog walking service to take your pup on a nice long walk once or twice a day while you are physically unable to do so?

On the other hand, if you feel like you bit off more than you can chew, because with a new baby coming, you will not have the time to devote to a dog, well then, it is probably unfair for you to keep the dog... but, maybe I am mis-understanding your post, since it seems that you knew you were pregnant when you got the puppy...

I am sorry that you are going through this, I can imagine that it must be difficult and I wish you luck with your decision.

jeano

Posted : 4/3/2006 3:14:25 PM

It sounds to me like you are getting good advice here. [

]

I'd add that it sounds like you will need help ANYWAY with the baby. Can a parent, aunt, good friend, someone come every day for a while and help you out? Even if you didn't have a pup, I'd say you will need some extra help. If you can arrange someone to either come stay with you while your hubby is gone, I bet he'd be relieved and less worried about you, too. And you'd be able to get help with the pup, as well as the daily living thing.

dvet

Posted : 4/3/2006 4:59:59 PM

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t read you whole question but i am assuming this is what it is about...This is what i used tro give to clients"

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Nicole Daugherty

Posted : 4/3/2006 6:30:04 PM

My husband and I are both in school right now so we have to keep her crated while we're gone. We keep her crated for six hours but my husband comes home in the middle to take her out and let her play, So she's only in for three hour periods. She can't handle being in for much longer than that. Once I'm home she gets hour long play periods and half hour crate periods. She goes potty before and after each. If I'm tired I'll leave her in for a little longer and take a nap since we can't trust her alone yet.
We do live in an apartment on the top floor so things are difficult but we are going to be moving to a bigger one and I refuse to be anywhere but the bottom floor. Once we moved things would get a lot easier for me but there is still the issue of having the baby with her. My Granma pointed out that you cannot leave babies alone, not even to take the dog out. Once I heard that I began to realize I could not handle everything like I first thought.
And money is definitely an issue. We could not get the golden puppy because of how much he was going to cost. Mora was free which was great for us. We have enough for basic care for her, shots, tags, and puppy insurance which can be very cheap, but we do not have enough to take her to a daycare (which would be great for her) or enough to pay someone everyday to take her out. My friend helps me now for free because she gets to play with her and she'll continue to do that for as long as I need (as long as she's here and not at home. She lives on campus at school right now).

Nicole Daugherty

Posted : 4/3/2006 6:32:44 PM

ORIGINAL: D_Mom

We could not get the golden puppy because of how much he was going to cost.

How much it was going to cost to buy him.

huskymom

Posted : 4/3/2006 8:37:42 PM

Completely off topic but D_Mom you can go into your posts to edit them if you like. Just click the edit button at the top left of your post.

Perhaps you could get a new apartment with a little bit of fenced area out the door. That way you could let the puppy go out to potty without going out too. A dog run would do the trick. If you have a ReStore near you you can pick up cheap fencing materials once people start doing yard work. A bonus to this would be that the pup would have to keep the mess in a small area of the yard. You could even get a door from there to put a doggy door in if they allow it in your building. Then when you move out the original door can go back on.

And although you cant leave babies alone, they do nap. And albeit when the baby first comes you should be napping when he/she does, after a while you do recouperate and then you can spend time with puppy then when he can have your full attention.

Only you can know if you should keep the pup or not but if you want my opinion, I would do everything in my power to make it work first before giving up. Good Luck.

spiritdogs

Posted : 4/4/2006 6:36:38 AM

First, I know you didn't do this on purpose, but to all the young women in lurker land - get past those childbearing years FIRST, or have a plan for your dog to go to a relative or friend BEFORE you get it.
So many dogs end up dumped when babies come along, that I get sick and tired of counting them. My other trainer friends and I - first comment when we see a preg lady is "Wonder how long the dog will last". They usually don't.
Please, please try to get a petsitter, friend, relative, boarding kennel, local rescue group member to help you out. Coonhound pups aren't the easiest to place, and when they end up in pet homes, it's often a disaster. They are great dogs - kind and not noisy, but people either get them to hunt (and if they don't hunt, guess what?) or they want an off leash dog to run on the freakin' beach with, and Coonies aren't so good at not following their noses...
Rant over:-((

spiritdogs

Posted : 4/4/2006 6:37:34 AM

BTW, I don't understand how you can afford a child, if you couldn't afford a Golden Retriever.

spiritdogs

Posted : 4/4/2006 6:39:31 AM

Mora was free which was great for us.

Not so great for Mora, apparently.

sharismom

Posted : 4/4/2006 7:32:11 AM

You seem to be trying to convince yourself why you can't keep the dog. Do you truly want to re-home her? If you're looking for validation to re-home her, I can almost guarantee you won't find it here.

I hope you are able to come up with a viable solution for both you and the dog.

jennie_c_d

Posted : 4/4/2006 12:46:42 PM

First, I know you didn't do this on purpose, but to all the young women in lurker land - get past those childbearing years FIRST, or have a plan for your dog to go to a relative or friend BEFORE you get it.

And don't forget that you never know how that adorable puppy is going to turn out. I was 19 when I adopted Her Rotten Highness from the pound, and I will *not* have children before she's gone. I am *not* a first time dog owner, and she started formal obedience classes when she was 11 weeks old. I carried her everywhere with me. She rode in a large beach bag, until her vaccinations were finished. She went shopping, out to eat, to friends' houses. I made *sure* she spent time with dog-safe kids, but I accidentally let her be around not-so-safe kids (I removed her before she started being rude, but not before her poor little tail got pulled, and an ear got grabbed) once. She got over the bad kid experiences, but I would not trust her around a child. I don't trust her around most adults.

Thankfully, this isn't a HUGE inconvenience, b/c I don't want kids yet, but.... if I did, I'd be outta luck. This dog can't just go to another home. She's got a lot of very specific special needs. I'd have to euthanize my dog to safely live in my house with an infant. Definitely something to think about.

meilani

Posted : 4/4/2006 1:33:21 PM

I second the suggestion of having a friend, family member or paying a teenager to come and walk the dog and spend some time playing with her so that when she comes home, she'll be tired. A tired dog is a good dog.

What I don't understand was getting a puppy, whether it be free or $5000, when you are expecting. Training and maintaining a puppy is a lot of work and it's double the work when the baby comes. I think women need to take that into consideration. I also think it's important for us to socialize our dogs with children, even if we don't have any, so when and if you decide to have children the dog will be somewhat accustomed to them. And we shouldn't be afraid to ask for help. I know some of us like to be "superwoman/mom" but it's hard when you hardly sleep, your nips are about to fall off from nursing and you feel like nothing's getting done. Kinfolk and friends come in handy and make that lug of a husband/boyfriend/baby daddy help out. You didn't get pregnant by yourself and he should help out where you leave off. It seems that rehoming dogs and pets because of a baby is a common thing that I've had family tell me that I'd have to get rid of all my animals if I were to have another baby. Like hell I would. The baby would be rehomed before the critters LOL!! [

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