Im so sad...i dunno what to do

    • Gold Top Dog

    Im so sad...i dunno what to do

    Robert my husband told me this morning that we have to get rid of Tink because she had another accident in the house....Im still house training her and shes doing so well...3 mistakes in twoish weeks is pretty good...and two of those was because i wasnt here to take her out, my husband was and shes not used to him doing it...and hes not taken the time to learn her needing to go out signs...(he says shes my dog, so i feed and take out and etc....)

    I already love her so much its breaking my heart. Its not fair for him to say that i dont think because shes still learning. And shes soooooooo good with Sara....and ive ALWAYS wanted a Golden Ret... man this just sucks... do I lie and tell him im looking for another home and really not do it, hoping he will change his mind? Although lying has NEVER been part of our relationship...dangit, i dunno what to do...why is he being such a hard ass?!?!
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    I would tell hubby, its time for him to go. JMO
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    Holy cow.  She's so adorable with your daughter.
     
    Can you remind him of that?  Of how she has other attributes that you think make it worth taking some time to fully house train her?  How old is she?  Can you tell him how much she means to you and ask for a little more time and for his help just on making sure she is taken out frequently when you're not around so he does not end up surprised by an accident?
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    I know Robert and he wouldnt care if i told him all of those things...hes not a bad guy but hes can be a real hard nose kwim? Tink is almost 5 months old btw.
     
    Not to get too personal but weve had major issues and differences concerning his 17 year old who has lived with us for a little over a year...hes always making excuses for him...he lies because thats all he knows because thats what his mother does and this and that....but my Tink not being PERFECT at house training and hes ready to throw her out!!! I feel like this is the icing on the cake so to speak because of the "other" issues that we have.
     
    Ive asked Robert time and time again to do something about his son...and hes as i said always making excuses for him...but because Tink is "mine" he doesnt want to..
     
    Even accidents arent that hard to clean up after...they are normal stools (no pee accidents) and we have a carpet cleaner that I use right after the mess is found out.  Grrrrr Wonder if hes going to be hard on Sara for accidents when shes potty training?!?!?! Same thing right? Cept for one baby being 2 legged and 1 baby being 4 legged!!!! Seriously thinking about visiting my mother for a few days just to get away..she lives about 2  1/2 hours from us...
     
    Im feeling hurt and angry about this...so what if ive only had her for 2 or so weeks, shes already my baby
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    Tinks....I have suspected from the beginning that you might be allowing the pup too much freedom. She needs to be crated until she is 100% trustworthy. You or your hubby cannot go about your business even if you think she's fine and just went outside...you literally need to be staring at the pup ALL THE TIME...if you cannot see her then you need to crate her. This is really non negotiable. Accidents are best NOT allowed to happen. I do feel for your hubby because if you do have a toddler you need to consider the hygenic aspects of it...he might be thinking of her stepping in or crawling thru a puddle or worse...and believe me it CAN happen, lol.
     
    I got the impression from your posts that Tink kinda wanders around with your daughter and you are fine with that. If that's not what is going on then please do excuse my mistake, the waterbowl thing led me to think that.
     
    If you have a crate than Tinks needs to be in it except for when you can literally...stare at her and see everything that she is doing. Tie her to your person via leash as you go about your day...take her on regular trips outside and praise her etc...
     
    Allow your husband to see you making these changes...the confinement in particular should really help.  Gating into an easy clean room like a bathroom or kitchen is also an option. Do not give free access to water if she is not 100% trustworthy.
     
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    Thanks for the advice and will go get a crate today and try that...and believe me i do understand about him thinking about Sara I do too...thats why i steam clean the areas asap. Also i dont leave food or water out for Tink all the time because i do know that she will drink and eat herself silly and will have accidents..Sara and Tink are joined at the hip most of the time...i dont have issues with that at all...we live in a mobile home and from where I sit either at the computer or in the living room chair I can see the whole living room and kitchen...we have baby gates up to keep Sara (and Tink) out of the rest of the rooms..

    Thanks again
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    And I know you probably know this...but getting a dog "for one member" of the family rarely ever works out. It MUST be an agreement with all adults and young people in the home, and it must be at the right time. If either of those two issues don't jibe then trouble will present. The dog will always be a bone of contention or used as a wedge by either party....not fair to anyone...least of all, the dog. That kinda sounds like what's going on here?
     
    If there are issues already....try seeing it from the other side....stress is present, and then to top it all off the dog you didn't want, poops on the floor. It can just really top off the day you know?
     
    Some people just don't see the poop on the carpet as an accident...they see it as confirmation that getting a dog was a bad idea. You can try asking for more time, and enacting the things I metioned. But I also would consider having a heart to heart when you acknowledge that yes, perhaps getting a dog right now was a mistake...and you apologize for that...but she is here and she needs you both because bouncing from home to home is tough on an animal. Point out that as parents you both know about being responsible and that sometimes parents make mistakes....but the important thing is not to give up so easily but to do your absolute best to correct them. Giving up is not a first, best option as a parent...and neither is it for a dog owner.
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    rwbeagles is giving good advice.  It does sound like you have a lot going on in your home.  Marriage counsel is not a bad idea.  Most people wait for that when it is at a crucial stage.  
     
    Anyways, I wanted to say, crate training is wonderful for your dog and you.  (I have two Siberian 8 mo. olds)  Believe me, there would not be dogs if there were no crates, here!
     
    You should leave water out for your dog at all times though.  Do you find she drinks more than a normal amount of water and pees more than normal?
     
    rwbeagles seems to understand what you need to be doing,  Hang in there !
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    Oh boy!  Well Hubby needs to chill out...Get the crate and be very firm with that training.  I would also consider obedience classes.  A dog is a huge responsibility and so is having a child.
    I have a somewhat similar situation here...hubby likes and tolerates the dog...on his terms...where myself and our 3 children absolutely love this dog.  Although I will say that with Harley being the second dog that he is doing a good job of softening up my hubby. 
    Anytime my dog had an accident and hubby blew his stack...I gave it right back at him and said accidents happen.  Now he understands but obviously isn't fond of accidents....
    Harley hasn't had any accidents in months...he did when he first got here but he was a rehomed and had one owner then went to a breeders then here.  So it was expected with the changing of lifestyles.  BTW Harley is two.  Harley is crated at night, meal time for us and anytime I leave.  He is quite happy to be in his crate...since I am a stay at home mom he is out most of the time.
    Training a dog and pup takes patients. Hubby needs to understand that.
    As far as your issues with his son maybe you should sit down and have a heart to heart.  After all you should have some say since he is living there.
    As far as counseling goes, I bet it would be a cold day in hell that he would go...most men aren't willing to do counseling.
    Don't rehome the dog ..work on crate training and sign up for obedience classes.  Keep us posted.
    • Gold Top Dog
    I agree with the above posters[;)]
     
    You could also gently remind him that if he ever got sick, old, or had a bad accident and needed your care because he could NOT  make it to the bathroom, he would have TO GO , TOO[:D]
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    I'm sorry to hear about the ultimatum issued here.  I think you've gotten some great advice from all the posters.  I can't really add anything on but I will say that I think Tink is worth fighting for, she's so cute and huggable.
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    I just wanted to say that I agree 100% with everything Gina said, particularly about the decision to get a dog needing to be agreed upon by all parties.  I can't imagine what it'd be like to live with a dog when I didn't really want one, nor do I think that people who don't care to own dogs are monsters.  Hopefully with the use of a crate and some more training, your DH will accept and enjoy Tink, but until then I'd try to see things thru his eyes and work on some compromises.
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    I agree that you've already gotten some fantastic advice. The crate will work wonders with the potty issues. I truly hope that you're able to keep your girl. I don't necessarily find it fair that you've been given the ultimatum that you have after such a short amount of time with her, and especially for such a fix-able thing. Then again, I don't know the entire story, so I can't pass any judgements. All I can say is that I hope you and your hubby will be able to work out your issues (not just regarding the dog), and keep Ms. Tink. She's just too precious.
    • Gold Top Dog
    I would try to approach hubby from the stance that you understand his concern about Tink's housetraining, and you are going to crack down on it starting NOW.
     
    That means more crating, more tethering to you, and no opportunities for accidents.
     
    He should realize that nice dogs like Tink, who are good with kids, aren't a dime a dozen. It's too bad he's taking such a hard stance on this.
    • Gold Top Dog
    If he's your dog, he shouldn't have a say in what happens to her. Only if he is willing to REALLY work at it, and actually try consistency with her. Then he can have a say, IMO.

    Good luck, let us know how it turns out!