tacran
Posted : 11/26/2006 11:23:53 PM
I'm a bit late seeing your heartbreaking post. Your photos of Dante and the kitten are among my favorites I've seen on the forum (and I especially love the beautiful one in your signature of his paw in your hand). Dante seemed like a regal boy, and he was obviously very special to you.
As others posted, your grief period will be as long as it needs to be. Don't let anyone make you feel bad if it extends longer than some think is "appropriate" for "just a dog." When our precious boy died in January, I thought I would die of grief. If you can't die of a broken heart, I think you can certainly affect your physical health, perhaps to the degree of shortening your own lifespan. I feel older after having gone through our loss this year. In the early weeks of constant tears, the phrase "a face etched with grief" was very fitting for me.
The pain doesn't go away, but it does become manageable, and smiles eventually come as a result of talking or thinking about him. However, don't be surprised if you think you're doing okay for a while, then suddenly one day you find yourself completely overcome again. I remember ironing one day, when suddenly I was so overwhelmed with tears that I had to drop to the floor and sob for a while, just out of nowhere.
Even now, nearly 11 months later, I still reflexively do things that are the "little things" like you mentioned. Those are the hardest losses, despite how tiny they seem. Just on Turkey Day, I was expecting Tonka's head to push against my hip as I sliced veggies, and I have to consciously NOT push a few bites to one side of the cutting board for him. When the doorbell rings, I still brace myself for the huge bark that always followed it, yet the silence instead is another small heartbreak.
You know that others here understand the loss you're feeling and the terrible position of having to make such a hard decision for one we love so much. My heart goes out to you. Run free Dante -- the hole you've left in your family's hearts and home is huge. Watch over them as they cry for you.