Help! What would you do? LONG...

ANNE OP "I am surprised that you are surprised at some of our reaction"

I can't (and won't) speak for Darla, but sadly I am not at all surpised. I joined this forum, formerly known as idog in 2003 shortly after the arrival of my first puppy. I fell in love with idog. It wasn't just about the 'dog talk' it was also about the people. I found everyone welcoming and generous of both knowledge and understanding.

After we became dog.com I found the adjustment a little difficult, With so many new members it was hard to keep up with everyone and it had lost it's small community feel. But lately I can hardly beleive I am even on the same forum and this is not just about newer members at all. Is it just me!!!! or is this reoccurring idea that we must sacrifice absolutely everything for our dog really what we are about. We should leave our fiances, go on social assistance, put our motherless baby granddaughter in day care, not have children ........ sound familar? Sound reasonable? Sound kind? Sound understanding?

It seems everyday there is a new post titled ' People Are so Stupid', 'Some People - UGH!!!', 'I'm So Mad...'. I can't begin to count the number of people who have said, 'I like dogs more than people'. It seems to be a badge of honour around here. They don't have to be exclusive! You can still be the greatest dog lover on earth and still care about people. As well as looking out for the welfare of dogs, we should also be looking out for the welfare of those who share our love of dogs.

When I was a very little girl my father told me something that has always stuck with me. He said "You can always judge a person by the way they treat their dog, if they treat their dog kindly, they will treat you kindly." Around here, it's like we treat our dogs better than we treat people. I'm not saying love your dogs less, I'm saying love others a little more.

I think the title "Help.  What would you do?" sounded like you wanted suggestions on how to keep the dogs.  Sorry if I misunderstood.

I hope everything works out for you and your family, but don't be angry at the folks here for thinking of the dog's best interest.  []

removing  threads about my deceased granddaughter due to a pm I received.

Not to be rude or say that anything you're doing is wrong....but That's just Stupid! Why would people say they don't want their kids coming because of your big dogs? Why do they think there is such a big difference between the big dogs and the little dogs, especially if all are well trained, socialized and friendly. And I guess I don't get what exactly the connnection between your grandaughter and the dogs are. Why do you say you have to choose between the dogs and your granddaughter? Isn't this about the kids you would be having daycare for, and not really about your granddaughter. Maybe I am misunderstanding, I just think it is stupid of people to do that so you would have to get rid of some of your dogs but not all.  [&o]

removing  threads about my deceased granddaughter due to a pm I received.

Notice, denise, that I did not tell the OP what I thought she should do, only what I would do under similar circumstances.  In my 56 years, I have managed to never surrender a dog or cat or horse, for that matter, that I agreed to take in.  I don't assume that something might happen that would alter that - disasters occur.  But, I have lived through divorce, illness of a partner, unemployment, and other discouraging factors.  I never view my dogs as "versus" family members, I view them as part of a complete family.  I don't insist that others do the same, but if I am asked "what would you do?" then I assume that I am being asked for my opinion, which is what I have given.  If you can't live with the fact that some people's spirituality includes animals, trees and rocks, that's fine, but don't assume that we should be living by your own standards.  If two of my family members fell out of a canoe, and one were a dog, I would probably drown trying to save them both. And, I feel that children benefit from an association they make with animals - so, I merely echoed jeano's premise that the granddaughter might be losing more than we know in this situation, and that might be worth considering.  Apparently, I must have offended you in the past for you to single me out to attack, but I stand by my post.  On this forum, I have made an effort to be an advocate for dogs, but to temper that with sensible management of any that might pose a threat.  I don't take rehoming or euthanasia lightly, and do all I can to prevent both.  When I have to make decisions, as a trainer, that impact whether a dog stays or goes, I also take that extremely seriously.  But, whenever it's possible, even when it's difficult, I like to see dogs remain in a "forever" home.  And, I do that with children's well being in mind also.  But, I can honestly say that, having been in a position where a hubby's income was no longer a help, and two horses, four dogs and two cats to feed, I did not cave to the people who told me I couldn't drive a truck out there in the big world all alone.  I drove the darn things, made a living, kept and fed everyone.  I kept my solemn commitment to my family.  I don't expect others to feel as I do, but I darn sure don't think it's up to you to tell me that I shouldn't feel as I do.  This OP asked for our opinions, and they were given.  If you disagree with me, fine to say so, but your response was a mean spirited rant against me, and I don't appreciate it.  Debate, but please don't attack. 

To the OP - You did what you feel you had to do, and I appreciate that.  I hope that your dogs live out their lives in the homes you have found for them.  Many of us here would have gone another route, but we aren't you, and we don't all have the same set of circumstances, abilities, or resources.  I hope you don't think that, because of those differences, we are less than.  Among us are members who struggle to keep aggressive dogs and manage them so no one gets hurt, we have people who have decided to euthanize aggressive dogs, we have people who spend their last dimes to save the lives of old dogs, and we have rescuers, shelter workers, the occasional vet, trainers, and just plain folks.  There are a lot of perspectives here, sometimes it gets ugly, but most of the time it's informative, and cooperative (think happy mail, and spiritual circle).  We hope that you will stay and continue to hear all opinions, debate, discuss - take what you need and leave the rest, just as most of us do.

removing  threads about my deceased granddaughter due to a pm I received. 

All I want to say is how much my heart aches for you and all that you have gone through. To lose so much of your family so tragically and then have to part with your beloved pets must have been excruciating.

You are to be commended for doing everything you can for your grandchild. You also did a good job in finding happy situations for your dogs. You had some hard decisions to make and you did an excellent job, IMHO.

I think the children left in your care and their parents are very fortunate to have found someone like you.

Keep on hanging in there. You seem like a real trouper to me.

Leigh

Anne, I am sorry if you thought this was a personal attack. The quote was only meant to frame my 'general' response to a tone, that at times, seems a little less than understanding of people who are obviously in very difficult situations. Maybe you don't see it, or maybe I'm just over sensitive. I'm sorry you chose to interpret my post as a mean spirited attack against you. I was trying to express a general observation on my part. I'm sorry if my point was missed or misinterpreted.

Darla, if your still reading this, I sent you a private message (PM).
 
Lori

I guess I just don't understand why you had to do daycare in order to take care of your grandaughter? Many kids are happy and well adjusted going to daycare for whole or half days while their parents work. She's going to be in the same type of situation anyway when she starts school in a few years right? How would your granddaughter be "losing" you if she spent half the day instead of the whole day with you? You said that you worked in the banking industry and I guess I just don't understand why you couldn't work part of the time and have your granddaugher the other part of the time.
 
It sounds like the dogs are in great homes now, I was just confused about the things I posted above... hopefully I'm not offending you or anyone else by asking.

I think the whole point of running the daycare was so she could be at home with her grandchild and not have to put her in the care of someone else.  I agree that lots of people do use daycare and that's fine, but I for one would want to be the one spending the day with my child if I could.  It would seem even more strange (to me) to run a business taking care of other people's children, yet send my own family off to be taken care of by someone else. 

removing  threads about my deceased granddaughter due to a pm I received.

ORIGINAL: cakana

... It would seem even more strange (to me) to run a business taking care of other people's children, yet send my own family off to be taken care of by someone else. 

 
Just to clarify, I wasn't saying that she should keep the daycare and send her daughter to a different daycare. The whole issue with the daycare was getting enough kids to watch because parents didn't feel comfortable with the large dogs. What I was asking was why her granddaugher couldn't go to a daycare part time while she worked part time at somewhere like at a bank. Sorry my post gave the wrong impression.
 
Heidandseek- Thanks for answering, I was just curious. I totally understand not wanting to put your granddaughter in daycare when she was an infant or for 9-12 hours a day. I just thought that you might be able to have a different job and still keep your granddaugher. Anyway, I'm sure there are many details of the situation that we don't know. I wish you the best of luck.