Dog Community

No More DH

Posted : 7/18/2006 12:58:48 PM

So I decided I had finally had enough of DH (and I dont mean Dear) and I told him to pack up and go. I couldnt take his macho attitude any longer, I cant believe I thought he would change.

YES he did start to help me out more around the house but I guess he thought that because he helped me out he could talk to me any way he pleased. It got to the point where I didnt want to do anything around the house because I felt so crappy. I didnt feel right with him anymore, I think when I told him to come back after our 1st breakup the love was gone and I did it out of guilt. Things would never be the same, and quite frankly I can be with a person that is holding me down.

You know he actually had the nerve to tell me I was just with him for the money?!?!? I dont know what money because he was more broke than I was! The only time I asked him for money was when he had to pay HIS loans and HIS cell phone and I asked him for the money to go pay HIS bills. Well yea I guess the more things you do for people the worse they treat you!

Sorry about the ranting but I am in a state of confusion, Im not bouncing up and down happy that hes gone but Im sort of relieved, am I wrong?

sharismom

Posted : 7/18/2006 1:03:51 PM

No, if you know in your heart the love was gone, then you did the right thing. If you feel relieved, it's a sign of the state of the relationship.

I am one of many in the BTDT club and I can tell you that you will be okay. Just hang tough, take it one day at a time.

Firestorm

Posted : 7/18/2006 2:04:23 PM

Well, I don't know your whole situation. If you were having problems and you tried to work them out with him ( I mean really tried) and he didn't. Can you say that you did everything that is reasonable to keep things going? If so then yes, I don't know what kind of a man your hubby is but if he was being abusive, there is no reason for him to be that way and he deserves to lose out. I am sorry things didn't work out.
Chin up you can get through this and I am sure you did your best. Good luck it will just take some time. In the mean time keep yourself busy.[

]

lisa baker

Posted : 7/18/2006 2:47:26 PM

we all need to pick our battles and those that don't seem to matter to me i let go. it is the important stuff we need to agree on. discipline of the children, moral values, where we need to live and the importance of family. the rest of the stuff is little stuff and so i have to load the dishwasher more than he does and he hates to mow the lawn so i always mow...seem very insignificant.

but...i will not nor have i ever been a doormat so here are lots of hugs from south dakota...hoping you find the future that is best for you

probe1957

Posted : 7/18/2006 4:12:12 PM

You know why divorce is so expensive?

Because it's worth it. [

]

ron2

Posted : 7/18/2006 4:31:06 PM

And you find out that what's hers is hers, and what's your's is her's, too.

ron2

Posted : 7/18/2006 4:33:49 PM

Good for you for making a tough decision. It can't be easy, even if the passion was gone. It's tough to give up the evil that you know to face the evil that you don't know ahead. That is, a rut may be a rut, but it is usually a "stable" rut. Now, alone, everything is new again and unknown. And no, you are not wrong for feeling relieved. Evidently, it was more of a drain than you had realized. So, good luck and here's to your bright future.

gradyupmybutt

Posted : 7/18/2006 5:38:29 PM

I hate to see a marriage end but you know your heart & what is good for you. I'm proud of you for taking that big scary step.

jeano

Posted : 7/18/2006 9:40:42 PM

ORIGINAL: ron2

And you find out that what's hers is hers, and what's your's is her's, too.

Not funny. I got divorced and left him with everything. Two houses, my truck, all the furniture and appliances. Just wanted to start over and didn't want a big court fight.

Don't think all women are like that.

It ain't funny. [sm=sad.gif]

Lizziecollie: I think you are doing the best thing if you don't feel it's meant to be. You can't beat a dead horse. I'm glad you figured it out now instead of ten years from now! Good on ya!

I'd far rather be alone than in a bad relationship.

chris

Posted : 7/18/2006 10:02:29 PM

Well if you are not happy there is no since in staying with someone.. For any reason what so ever.. Life is too short too waste your extra energey on someone not worth wasteing it on...

sharismom

Posted : 7/19/2006 9:33:32 AM

I got divorced and left him with everything. Two houses, my truck, all the furniture and appliances. Just wanted to start over and didn't want a big court fight.

Don't think all women are like that

.

I did similar to Jean. We agreed how to split everything beforehand. I did not leave him with an empty house. We even gave each other Xmas gifts that were specifically for each to keep, to start over. I was so sick of fighting I couldn't see the point in continuing doing more of the same in court. I didn't want to drag my son through any more. I didn't even hire a lawyer.

probe1957

Posted : 7/19/2006 9:38:59 AM

ORIGINAL: ron2

And you find out that what's hers is hers, and what's your's is her's, too.

That is certainly the way it worked in my case, Ron, but, since my boys are living with my ex, I really didn't have a problem with it. I do feel like I pay outrageous child support, but that's the way it goes, I guess, and that is coming to an end soon.

A couple of weird things about my divorce. We owned a house. Had, if I remember, $80,000 equity in it when we had to sell it to settle the divorce. We split the equity but, out of my share, I had to pay all outstanding bills that we jointly had. This included paying off a pretty nice car that she, of course, ended up keeping. I agreed to that but, looking back on it, I am not sure I should have.

One thing I would definitely recommend is, get a lawyer. Even if you think you have nothing to fight about, at least hire a lawyer to look everything over. My ex didn't and she paid the price. I had a lawyer draw up the agreement and she just signed it. Not a good idea. Well, it was good for me. [

]

sharismom

Posted : 7/19/2006 10:10:05 AM

In all fairness, a lawyer on both sides *might* be a good idea. Sometimes lawyers complicate things. I read and re-read everything before I signed anything. My ex was gracious enough that he was more than fair and didn't even let the Friend of the Court people touch the agreement we had for our son's custody and child support.

Since my ex was retired military, I knew that he'd get royally screwed in a battle and I hardly thought that was fair to him since he put the 27 years in to earn his pension.

probe1957

Posted : 7/19/2006 11:01:45 AM

That is kind of where I got to my ex, Tina, was with my pension and my 401k. Both of these were from a company that I no longer worked for at the time of our divorce. My lawyer drew up the divorce agreement saying that all marital assets had already been divided, and she signed it. We were seperated for some time before we divorced.

For most of our marriage, my wife hadn't worked outside the home. Did you notice the political correctness in there? [

] Anyway, I figured the the pension and 401k was something I had worked for and she should not be entitled to it 30 years after our divorce. She had lived long enough off my good graces. She could figure out her retirement on her own. That's the way I saw it, but if she had hired a lawyer on her own, I doubt I would have gotten away with it.

sharismom

Posted : 7/19/2006 11:15:17 AM

For most of our marriage, my wife hadn't worked outside the home.Did you notice the political correctness in there? []

Yes, I did. Good boy, Billy. Give yourself a liver treat![8D]