Having problems with anxiety. . .

Hey Lori,,,I don't blame you,,,I have a hard time calling the doctor when I need to go also.   It adds to my anxiety!    You know,,,so what if DH calls,,,,who cares.  My girlfriend Donna called for me one time and just told them why she was calling and why I wan't. I was kind of mad at her,,but you know what??  In the end I was GLAD!  Because the doctor helped me and that was all that counted in the end.  Do what you got to do,,just never forget how many of us are behind you all the way!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lori - no one here is going to have trouble understanding how difficult making that call is.  It's another big step but a step in the right direction.  It sounds like your husband is concerned and wants to help, so maybe you should lean on him for now.  Try to keep things simple for yourself.  Just because you make the call, doesn't mean you have to get in the car and drive to an appt. right away.  Just because you get an appt. doesn't mean you have to be prepared to share your every fear.  You can do this with really tiny steps that feel comfortable to you.  I think once you're able to talk to someone professionally, you'll feel so much better. I hope you won't pull back from the board because you think we're all wondering how you're doing.  We are, of course, but if just hanging out and talking about Willow feels good, then do that.  No one here is going to judge you or be critical.

This is a wonderful thread.  My depression started in my late teens when i was away at college, my mom and i were not speaking and I was so depreesed by it.  I had this total fear of abandonment.  Well I went to see a pyscologist, and went onto prozac.  I eventually got off of it, but then need some anti anxiety medicine about two years ago.  My doctor prescribed Effexor-which I do not recommend to anyone. If I miss one dose, I start going through withdrawl and it is not pretty.  I am slowly going off of it.  Lori, I am glad that your husband is being so supportive, I hope that you will make the call to your doctor, anxiety of any sort is not fun to live with.  My mother is convinced that my craziness will rub off on my dogs, (no comment on that, and you wonder why I have anxiety!)[]  I think that it is great that people can come together and talk about something that can be very controversial in certain circles.  I agree with doing research on different meds, good luck! 

Lori, I do hope that you KNOW that I said that with the utmost caring............I'm here for you, anytime you want to talk.

I just read through this thread and while I don't think I have social anxiety, I recently started thinking I have some form of depression. About 4 years ago, I went through something very tramautic an very hard for me. I never talked to anyone about it, just told 2 very close friends. Over the next 4 years, I've gained 40 lbs, went through a drinking phase, and for about the past year I've completely secluded myself. I went from having a whole bunch of friends and being extremely active and social to being alone and overweight. I hate going anywhere where I might run into someone I know, especially if I knew them when I was thin and active. I don't even walk Ash in my neighborhood because I don't want anyone I know to see me. It's embarrasing to admit these things, but I'm trying to deal with it now.
 
I didn't realize any of these things until 3 months ago when a best friend I had in high school got in touch with me and after a few phone conversations asked me if I was depressed. She didn't know I was overweight, but had asked because she said my lifestyle was so unlike me. I used to be one athletic girl and she now knew that I didn't do any of those kinds of things anymore.
 
After she asked me that, I started thinking about it and I really took a look at myself. Something is very wrong and I trace it back to 4 years ago. I probably should talk to someone, but I haven't. I don't know why.

Thank you all and Ash, I hope you do follow thru and get help.  I'm not exactly one to be giving advice about this right now but call your doctor.  I'm having a BIT of trouble with that one myself.  I know from what I've gone thru, the lifestyle won't get better, you'll continue to get worse and you won't even really notice it until all of a sudden. 
 
Glenda--I knew exactly what tone that was in!  Thank you.  DH said something similar. 

Lori, the best way is to just take a deep breath, never mind the shaking hands and voice and make the call. I finally made mine one day about 8 years ago sitting at my desk at work. I worked at a call center and was going through some things and just couldn't take it anymore.. I put myself on unavailable and called. Not long after I made the call, my manager who was monitoring calls "for quality assurance" that day came over to me and told me that she was there for me if there was anything she could do. She had heard my call, funny thing was I wasn't even bothered by it. I was on the company phone and it actually felt good to have it out in the open to somebody, anybody!

I went through hell and back before I finally got help, and even some afterwards. I could shock you all and tell you things that you would never guess! I've been there done that with the drugs and alcohol and even had some pretty major legal problems and went to prison for a couple years. My depression took me down a long, hard road and it's actually one of my dreams to one day use that experience to help others before it ever gets to that point.

I finally learned that there was nothing wrong with me because I was wired a little differently than others[] and I learned to accept and love myself despite it all.

Okay, now that I've really aired my

 
 

Trish-Thank you for telling me that.  I might just have to end up doing it just like you did.  But, I really, really don't want anyone at work finding out, they talk and I also don't want every little thing I say and do to be attributed to this.  I just know if I told them as soon as I was upset about anything, they'd say it was because of this. 

Thank God I married a wonderful man, I complained all the way home from work tonight.  He had snacks waiting when I got in.  I've only done a handful of things right so far and marrying him was definately one. 

Thank you. 

PS--That little laundry is SO cute!

Lori -- dunno if this will help you, but it does ME (in fact, I have a SCAD of 'coping mechanisms' that help me at work so much I don't even really notice I"m 'coping'.).
 
When you have something tough to do, like the phone call, write it down.
 
"Hi, this is __________ and please don't interrupt me for a minute.  I wrote this down so I'd get it right.  I know I've got a problem with depression, and via pen and paper I've worked up the courage to call and ask for an appt with Dr. _______________.  I'd prefer to come on a [put in whatever day(s) of the week work best for you) so my husband can drive me (or so I can stand on my head in the corner or whatever makes you prefer that day).  Honestly, I'd like to get in as soon as possible.  If you have to ask me questions would you mind if my husband called you back, cos honestly I don't think I can handle it.  I'm gonna shut up now and let you tell ME when the doctor can see me, ok?  Thanks."
 
Obviously, use your own words.  You probably won't need to say much.  The fact that you had to write it out to accomplish it will tell them a bunch.  But for me, if it's written down I can spit it out (I'm notorious -- I talk a mile a minute, but put me on the phone with a stranger when it's about ME and MY shortcomings and I either can't shut up and I babble incessantly or I choke and can't speak. (Yep, Callie speechless -- I know everbuddy is shaking heads in amazement!! pffftttt!!!)
 
When I get so overmaxed that I can't think, I write stuff down.  When I'm stressed I'd forget to breathe if I didn't write it down.  And sometimes I have to tell myself where I left the list!! Or make a note to myself (that I staple to my purse or tape to the mirror, or TO THE COMPUTER SCREEN to remember to do the things I have to do.
 
And with me, 'memory' is pure and simply STRESS-related. 
 
So I'm just telling you what *I* do.  If you know that your biggest hold-back is because you're afraid you'll get scared on the phone, or what will I say if they ask me _________________, or what will I say if they say I'm not bad enough or whatever ...think of all those things you just can't SAY, then prepare a short list of easy answers:
 
"That question is on the short list of things that make me choke -- can the doctor take a rain-check on that one and I'll answer it later?"
"If I answer that I'll hyperventilate -- this is stock answer #3"
"In honesty, I"m about to shake out of my shoes here, can you take pity on me and not ask that right this instant so I can get thru this phone call?"
 
It doesn't have to be funny -- just make a list of totally non-committal things that will indicate you can't dialogue about that NOW, so get off my back about it.  But   have them writen down so you don't have to 'think' of them but you can just plain READ them off. 
 
And to keep it simple have 3 'non-committal' answers and just repeat them.  But do tell the receptionist "I've got non-committal answers written down just so I can cope here".  They should respect that and it should get you thru the phone call.
 
I'm also a list maker (particularly when I don't want to let MYSELF waylay myself). 
 
1. feed Willow
2. shower - the towels and underwear are laid out.  No decisions.
3. get dressed -- wear what I've laid out no matter IF I don't want to wear THAT today.  I decided last night!
4.eat  breakfast -- (make the coffee the night before so it only has to brew, and even set out the mug -- no decisions)
.5. whatever else you MUST do.
6. By 9:30 a.m. sit at the table where the notepad is already laid out with a pen and call 222-333-4444.  (make sure your cheat sheet of what to say is already laying there)
 
By the time I wade thru all the things I've 'done' for myself so I can't boobytrap myself and 'avoid' what I don't want to do, I've done it. 
 
But the more nervous I am about a thing the more I 'do' the night before so I can't sabotage myself and not do that thing. I crack myself up with the things I'll 'do' the night before and yet the other things I won't need to 'do' for myself. 
 
Just a trick that works for me.  And when other folks "see" it they think I'm incredibly well-organized and 'together'.  Man, have I got THEM fooled!!
 
But if I make myself a list -- or if I make a big deal out of it to myself that I have to do THIS PARTICULAR THING by ___:00 a.m., then I tend to do it because I've learned to trust myself and not question a "schedule" or a list once I've compiled it.  And as time passes, I've had such good luck with it that I tend to trust myself MORE (il.e., I trust the fact that I've thot thru everything when I MADE the list so I don't need to bother to change it, cos dang, it's probably gonna save my butt!!)
 
My favorite way to sabotage myself is to say "I'll do _____ after the news goes off" or "after Gilligan's Island" (or whatever I watcjed first) -- but then it was always too easy to say well, I've still go to to _____(whatever) and I'll have to do it after __________ (usually the next TV show, or whatever I'm using today to put things off).  But if I made myself a list or a schedule, then I remembered I had to try really hard the night before to 'plan' it all out, so I'd better do what it says cos I had a good reason for it LAST night!

Wow Lori, how can you go wrong with so many nice people to help you out!!!
 
Ash,,,you too,,,,,   to bad you and Lori can't get together!!!
 
It looks like we all need help in one form or another.

First of all, I was going to make a similar suggestion as Callie did - to write down a "script" of what to say on the phone so you don't get tongue-tied.  Second of all, I was laughing out loud at Callie's description of her method of doing various things the night before so she couldn't use them to procrastinate the next day.  Callie, I'm envisioning you going to bed at night, fully showered, dressed, shoes and all, lying still enough not to muss your hair and make-up, with your coffee cup in hand, so you can POP out of bed in the morning and get down to business!!! 
 
But seriously, I'm TOTALLY a list-maker, and what Callie said makes sense.  When your thoughts are all jumbled or racing (which is what my mind does), writing things down makes you feel like you have some level of control over what you're thinking about or dealing with.  And it makes you focus on each small step as one task at a time.  I'm so weird that sometimes I write down a task that I've already completed, just so I can cross it off my list and see that it's done!
 
While I haven't contacted anyone yet about my latest problem with my anxiety and depression, the first time I had to do so was as hard as you are describing, Lori.  Unfortunately for me, that was when I lived in another state, so I can't just call that medical office and resume my appointments there (I have thought about seeing if the therapist would consider phone appointments!).  Anyway, the act of dialing the phone was so very hard, but the receptionist was very kind and put me at ease immediately.  Then, once she connected me with the counselor, I continued to feel calm.  People in this line of work are used to people being afraid or apprehensive, so they do all they can to make you comfortable.  And Callie's suggestions about non-commital answers were great!  I'm definitely using that idea.  Once the appointment was made, I felt tremendously better, like a weight off my shoulders.  And it only took one appointment meeting the counselor before I felt better just being there -- I used to look forward to the appointments.  As I said, we had to move far away, otherwise I would've continued there.
 
I think the first call is the worst -- then it should get easier.  Now that I'm contemplating doing it again, I'm feeling fairly comfortable with making the call since I've done it before.  The only problem now is I have to find someone to call --- so I'm procrastinating due to not wanting to have to ask anyone for referrals in this area.  I know it sounds stupid, but since my biggest problem now is profound grief over Tonka's death, I don't want just any doctor/therapist.  I want an animal lover who will truly "get" what I'm feeling, not one who will just give me the lastest drug being promoted.  They don't advertise "pet-loving practitioners" in the yellow pages!!
 
Keep us posted -- I don't mean to sound nosey -- it's just that it's helpful to hear how someone else's experiences are going when so many of us here are dealing with this (or have in the past).

I've only done a handful of things right so far and marrying him was definately one.

 
Lori, I know it's tough because of the depression, but please give yourself more credit than that!  I'd bet you've done wheelbarrows full of "right things" in your life.[sm=kiss.gif]

Lori,   do you have a regular doctor that you could go to?  One that you go to for checkups,,or so? Maybe a family kind of doctor?  Because that is a good place to go for a start.  Sometimes just a little chemical imbalance throws us out of whack, and usually with a little medication for a while can straighten you right back up. 
 
Ashland, same with you.
 
The problem is, once we let ourselves get down, we loose more of our self confidence and then its harder and harder to do something about it.      I think we all do that.  
 
Its amazing once we get to the doctors, or even talking on the phone to the receptionist how easy it is to talk,,because they are so understanding. It is their job!

Wow, there have been some really great responses.  Callie, I love the making a list advice.  I believe that this is vital.  Lori, do you think that maybe you might want your hubby to call and make an appt for you.  Or, maybe it is time for a physical, and when you are at the doctor, you can talk to him/her about your anxiety.  I had gotten my prescription for my anxiety medicine through my general doctor.  Then maybe when you start to feel more comfortable, you can go start to talk to someone.  When I was really depressed back in college, my "friends" told me that i was too depressing to hang out with, and that I need to get help, that they can't help me.  I guess that was my awakening.  I did not talk to those people after that by the way. 

Or, maybe it is time for a physical, and when you are at the doctor, you can talk to him/her about your anxiety.  I had gotten my prescription for my anxiety medicine through my general doctor.  Then maybe when you start to feel more comfortable, you can go start to talk to someone. 
 
This is a great idea.   Something about the words therapist and counselor sound even scarier than doctor.   I think that is kind of what I was trying to say when I asked if you just had a regular general doctor to call and go to.