Dog Community

What do you think...

Posted : 5/27/2006 6:47:26 AM

At my dads funeral 8 years ago, the minister is reading the names of my dads children and the name "Chad" is said.[sm=eek.gif] "Chad?, who's Chad? " I said. I'm thinking he made a mistake, so I ignore it. I just had my son and he was still at the hospital, So I had to leave the funeral to get my son. I didn't get to go to my Aunts house after the funeral, or to the grave.

So I'm at home with my new son, my mother is staying with me, because, I'm young and I just lost my father, the day my son is born. My brother comes over and says, "There is something I have to tell you. We have a brother named Chad and he would like to meet you"

I'm shocked. My brother is 3 years younger than me, and it turns out so is this other kid. My brother knew about him because my dad told him a few months before he died. My dad never believed that this kid was his son until 14 years later and they were both in the hospital at the same time for diabetic reasons. From what I'm told, my dad was shocked and cried.

So I get a relationship with this "brother". 4 years later I take him into my home because he was not in school, So the deal was he could live with me but he had to go to school everyday. Things went really well for 6 months. His mother didn't give me a dime to support him, and she also did not want me around his family because she did not want anyone to know that I was his sister. She said it would be too upsetting to the family that grew up with him.

So this kid and I get in a fight and I told him he had to leave. (He wasn't taking his insulin and tried to hit me)

I should also mention by the time he was 16 he had a daughter who he would not take any responsiblity in, so I tried to get visitation with her. The mother was a young 14 year old and would not let me see her. I'm still trying to find her.

Last week my sister calls and says Chad is living 5 minutes away from me and he has another kid. She said he looked dirty and sickly. I don't know what I should do. I have been trying to find my neice from him for 2 years. When he was living with me I had no problem calling him my brother. Now I don't know. He is a very troubled kid. I want to reach out and help him again, but I'm scared.

I have no contact with my dad's family since he died because they are all alcoholic, drug users, or they use thier diabeties as sympathy.

I don't have any neices or nephews except from this kid. Chad always said he wanted to know my brother and I but didn't get the chance. Should I go to where he lives and see if he will give me a chance or should I just go on and forget about him? I don't know if he is someone I should get involved with again. He's young he's 23 now. My brother that I grew up with is really mad at me for wanting to see him. He hates Chad. My sister also said she would not go with me, and my youngest brother said no as well. So, what do you think?

willowchow

Posted : 5/27/2006 10:53:37 AM

Well, if it were my brother I'd find him and at least try to talk some sense into him about taking better care of himself considering his illness. And, make sure his kids were OK.

But, on the other hand, are you really in a position to help him right now? I know you're having your own money troubles. And, face it, if he does want help, it's gonna be either a place to stay or money for the kids or both, right?

ron2

Posted : 5/27/2006 11:13:15 AM

I agree with Willow, you're having a hard enough time taking care of yourself. And judging from past behavior, he may not be able to contribute successfully while living with you. And, perhaps, he should learn to care for himself. Especially as he is old enough to sire children, for whom he should also provide care.

I can't figure out why his family wants to ignore you. Perhaps, they feel terrible about their own lives in comparison to the better way that you live. Sometimes, you have to take care of yourself before you can properly care for others.

fuzzy_dogs_mom

Posted : 5/27/2006 11:22:48 AM

Angel, I think you've gotten good advice from Lori & Ron. He probably needs money, a free place to live or a free baby sitter. You could wind up taking on way more than you're ready for.

Joyce & Max

magilacudy

Posted : 5/27/2006 1:20:51 PM

Thats the thing, I will in no way help him with money or a place to stay. It's not an option. I was just hoping that I could have a normal relationship with him. I'm always bugging my brother to get married and have kids, because I want our children to be close. I just tease him because I know it's too soon for him, his girlfriend and him are just looking for a house now.

I would like a relationship with Chad, but I don't want the drama. Even though I do struggle financialy, I already help out a cousin with 4 children. I send her clothing and things like that. I think it may be more of a headache than anything getting involved with Chad again.

Thanks for your advice.

willowchow

Posted : 5/27/2006 2:56:32 PM

It's not an option. I was just hoping that I could have a normal relationship with him.

If he hasn't changed or doesn't change, that's not gonna happen. He's got too many issues to have a "normal" anything.

t__m

Posted : 5/27/2006 4:36:07 PM

my [sm=2cents.gif]...
I agree, take care of yourself first...that should always be your number one priority...once you're on stable ground, it's easier to help someone else find stable ground, no sense in him getting both of you into more financial trouble...
Does his mother have any contact with him?...

If you really want to see him, tell him what your terms are: no financial support, only moral support.....try establishing a link by phone if he needs someone to talk to, that way you're not obligated to give him anything but your comfort and wisdom...

...isn't it amazing how family messes you up...

for willowchow: How's Willow doing....

willowchow

Posted : 5/27/2006 5:50:18 PM

Willow is doing pretty well, holding her own. Thank you for asking! In two weeks she'll go for more blood work, so we'll see where we are at then.

loveukaykay

Posted : 5/28/2006 4:33:24 PM

This is just my [sm=2cents.gif] but I would stay away. You have already tried. You alone are not going to get through to him, just a fact. Resist the urge to help him, you cant unfortunatly, only HE can help himself at this point. I feel like if you do decide to have a relationship with him you WILL without a doubt be sucked into some sort of drama, burden, responsibility, and probably providing finacial help even though you dont plan on it. People like him use people like you who just want to help. Its unfortunate really, but I stay you should stay away at all costs. Im sorry you have to go through this. As far as finding his kids... I wouldnt do that either but thats just me.