A Real Quandry

ORIGINAL: angeltrudelle

. You remind me of a certain someone. I'm sure you know who.[]

 
Yes, I know.  Lots of people confuse me for Brad Pitt.

Glenda, this must be a mother daughter thing, one of my fondest memories, (OH God how dysfunctional) is my mother and I are in a small drug store years ago, I had just had a hysterectomy and cutting of the stomach causes air to get in there, and we were looking at cards and well we laughed about something and I let one rip, my mother had a laugh where no sound comes out and she then has to pee, so she is hysterical and crossing her legs and cracking up gets me to cracking up and well tooting a tune and that causes more laughter and we can't get out of the store!
And Billy you do know that you are the only man alive that now knows that women toot don't you?

I think I've  just demoted us all to 3rd grade [sm=rotfl.gif]

Yes, I know.  Lots of people confuse me for Brad Pitt.

I'll need to see pictures to back that up.
 

And Billy you do know that you are the only man alive that now knows that women toot don't you?

Do you think we can trust him with this information?
_____________________________ 

I still have, in my 40's, 20/20 vision and excellent night vision. And I have cleared rooms. Mine is the stuff of legend. A few years ago, at at the previous company I worked at, we were doing an electrical remodel and upgrade. We had one change-order that had to take place over the weekend. Saturday, one of my coworkers was walking around peoples' ladders, including mine, and leaving "presents." Sunday was my turn and payback , is indeed, hell. We were re-installing outlets in an ag-shop at a middle school. Between the 7:00 a.m. and 10:00 a.m., that entire building reeked from my aroma. Some coworkers tried to get away by working in one of the offices with the door closed and locked. To no avail, it seeped under the door, like a horror movie. Other workers would enter the ag shop and take about 2 steps and it was like watching them hit an invisible brick wall. The first full gasp had them choking and gagging, literally.

About ten o'clock, I had the need to visit the bathroom. This lends credence to the old adage that a fart is just a turd honking for right-of-way.
 
On another note, of the same timbre, I used to blame my toots on my cat, Misty. When she passed on, I retired that practice. So, no, I don't blame it on Shadow these days.
 

I had forgotten to answer your quandry. I say, toot away, you may never have that chance again. I don't care if I impress other women. I'm married and as long as my wife will have me, the rest of the world can hang themselves.

I'm still waiting for the chance for the ultimate toot bomb. Being on a crowded elevator, release an SBD, look at someone else as if they were the guilty party, and then get off of the elevator. A man must have goals to accomplish.

billy, that's hilarious.....I'm killing myself laughing....
My husband and his friends are big tooters....
Some of them used to "save" them in Pringles jars and open
them on each other later......
Over the years I have lost my sense of smell (thank God)
I think you can safely go back to Wal-Mart....
...remember, it's all natural body functions.....heehee
...and my eyes are fine too!!!

OMG - I need a sec to wipe the tears from my eyes. Nope, they are still watering because I am convulsed with laughter. I thought I was the only one - who knew???
 
My husband blames the dog, I blame my husband, my Gramma says nothing hoping we won't notice (yeah, right! she sounds like a trucker) and my sister blames me. My husband's favorite game is to pull the covers over my head - so jr. high (gasp, air please)
The dog looks at me if he farts. My cat will just leave her spot in disgust. I guesse she either doesn't know she had a SBD, or she is trying to pass it off as someone else.
 
Anyone who lets a stinky had better not forget the industrial strength airspray! We are a 'bodily function' functional household. Sounds like we all are. I would suggest that if you letter rip in Wally World, make sure to go back when what's her face is not there...

oh I have seen so many of these things. Farts in a jar, husband pulling covers over the head. (which he calls a dutch oven) Phone calls with a loud rumble. I feel by far the worse is my husbands occational relief sounds right after "whoopie" (I hate that word) I'm not inocent by no means. My kids know mommy is loud, but never stinks.
 
My husband got me a shirt for my birthday that reads "Farts are Funny" It's so me, because if I do and my husband gets upset I can laugh for 30 minutes.

Once, when Shadow was napping on the floor next to my chair, I had a ripper with volume and paint-peeling odor. He looked at me, got up, and walked away. It's pretty bad when you can scare off a dog that will smell other dogs' piles with no problem.

The blame game - this is why no woman should ever go anywhere without her dog or her DH.  If they're both very well trained, either will step up and take the blame for the woman without the woman having to say a word. 

So what did you do Billy? Hunh? Enquiring minds want toot know!

This is too funny!  Everyones posts are hilarious. 
 
I giggle uncontrolably for a long period of time after I "toot".  I usually cant get them to make noise.  While DH plays on the computer and Im watching TV or somthing I will try very hard to get it to make a sound and immediately start giggling (I cant help it)  but my goal is to not laugh and act like I heard something too when he turns around even though I know he knows.   But I cant do it, the giggling starts right after. 
 
Sometimes I continue to toot the giggle over and over and he ends up cracking up laughing at me.   The farts are funny shirt would be perfect for me too.
 
DH on the other hand doesnt care who or whats around he does what he feels the "need" to do.  I think in the barber chair he would have held it tho, but not sure.  TTToooooooo funny guys!  LMAO.  And Ron, good luck with your goals heheee.  It will happen for you!  )
 
BTW - Anyone wanna trade lunches with me tomorrow?  I think my moms making turkey again.

ORIGINAL: dogslyfe

So what did you do Billy? Hunh? Enquiring minds want toot know!

 
Okay, I will confess.  I made it all up.  I have far too much class to toot.
 
Everyone's comments were very funny tho.  []

Okay, I will confess.  I made it all up.  I have far too much class to toot.
 


 
Yep I'm buying THAT one...along with that bridge in Brooklyn........