Sara

Angel, I think you are absolutely right in not running out and trying to find another dog just like Sara.  Part of the toughest things about growing up is coping with the loss of a pet as a unique member of the family.  Besides, children will learn that if a pet is replaced too quickly, they internalize this and figure that if something happens to THEM, that they can be replaced just as easily.  It's hard, what you are teaching them, but you are teaching them reverence and respect for the unique life that was Sara's and the unique space that she filled in all of your lives.
 
Again, I'm so sorry.  I would be devastated if Cole died like that, and I too know that no one would quite understand. 

Angel, I originally saw your post in the Rainbow Bridge section and offered my hugs there, all the while I had a terrible feeling something tragic had happened.  I didn't remember you ever posting she'd been sick, and I knew she wasn't elderly.  I'm so sorry that my suspicions were right . . . . . to have experienced what you did first-hand . . . . . honestly, the fact that you're functioning at all is a miracle in my opinion.  My heart goes out to you 100-fold and sends you as many comforting vibes as possible. 

So many times since Tonka died, I think about the differences in facing a dog's sudden death versus one after a long, drawn out illness or crippling old age.  Both are devastating in their own way.  The amount of grief or suffering you feel in either case is profound, one because you have months to watch a decline, worrying, preparing, praying, the other because you had no time to prepare.  I honestly don't know which is worse -- physically and emotionally they both take a tremendous toll on our hearts and our bodies. 

I understand your hesitation at getting another dog.  18 months later for me, and I'm still not ready, although at least the thought doesn't make me physically ill like it used to.  I guess I'm more like Shelly's DH in that regard -- slow to heal.  Your children may be ready before you are, but they don't have the added grief of having witnessed it as a "mother," and young hearts are sturdier than ours when it comes to this kind of thing it seems; I'm not sure why.  I'd pay no mind to those people telling you to move on, that she was just a dog, etc.  When you need to feel the embrace of people who understand the way you want to grieve, then you know where to find us.

Warmest thoughts and hugs to you.  Take care.
Edited to add that I'm taking comfort in thinking about many special ducklings that waddled to greet Sara at the Bridge - they will share a unique companionship with her since they too lost their lives in a tragic way due to ignorant people.  I often think of your sweet ducks, and I'm imagining Sara surrounded by them now.

Angel, my heart aches for you.  I can't imagine watching my dog die like that.  Thank goodness Sara didn't suffer.  I am so glad that you weren't hit, too! 
 
Filing a police report was a good idea.  It might lead no where, but it could wind up being part of a pattern if this person is maliciously or negligantly hitting animals and/or people. 
 
Just ignore the "it's just a dog" folks and please don't "what if" yourself.  The former miss out on a lot in life because they limit their close relationships to just people.  The latter is self-defeating and will slow you down in getting to the point where your good memories of Sara are more frequent than the memory of her tragic end.
 
Do you think that your husband would let you put a plastic cross with flowers and a picture of Sara near the place where she died - just like someone might for a person who had died?  That way the woman would see it every time she drove by.  Other people would just think "Oh, that is sweet!  They really loved their dog".
 
I can't give any advise about getting another dog, especially since I have no kids and I don't know the ages or previous experiences of your children.  You have pro's and con's to work with, so maybe a book would help.
 
James, John & Friedman, Russell, When Children Grieve: For Adults to Help Children Deal With Death, Divorce, Pet Loss, …, 6/2002
http://tinyurl.com/42qfc

Kowalski, Gary, Goodbye, Friend: Healing Wisdom for Anyone Who Has Ever Lost a Pet, 9/1997
http://tinyurl.com/5ejyk 

Nieburg, Herbert, Pet Loss: A Thoughtful Guide for Adults and Children, 3/1996
http://tinyurl.com/6op6u 

Sife, Wallace, The Loss of a Pet, 3rd edition, 11/2005
http://tinyurl.com/yt34zt 
 
Tousley, Marty, Children and Pet Loss: A Guide for Helping, 1/1996
http://tinyurl.com/5j3ze

Here are some children's books on grief.  The ages give the reading level, not the comprehension level.
 
Davis, Christine, For Every Cat an Angel, 12/2000 (Ages 4-8)
http://tinyurl.com/6mbkw

Davis, Christine, For Every Dog an Angel, 9/2003 (Ages 4-8)
http://tinyurl.com/6mbkw 

Demas, Corinne & Hoyt, Ard, Saying Goodbye to LuLu, 6/2004 (Ages 4-8)
http://tinyurl.com/4h94p 

Disalvo-Ryan, Dyanne, A Dog Like Jack, 12/1999 (Ages 4-8)
http://tinyurl.com/6f68o 

Harris, Robie, Goodbye Mousie, 9/2001 (Ages 4-8)
http://tinyurl.com/4lqlj 

Newman, Leslea, The Best Cat in the World, 2/2004 (Ages 4-8)
http://tinyurl.com/4rsxx

Pomerance, Diane, When Your Pet Dies, 6/2001 (Ages 4-8)
http://tinyurl.com/4m9yn 

Puttock, Simon, A Story For Hippo, 9/2001 (Ages 4-8)
http://tinyurl.com/4se58 

Rogers, Fred, Mr. Rogers Pet Dies (First Experiences), 5/1998 (Ages 4-8)
http://tinyurl.com/4ydoh 

Rylant, Cynthia, Cat Heaven, 9/1997 (Baby-Preschool)
http://tinyurl.com/4e9p7 

Rylant, Cynthia, Dog Heaven, 9/1995 (Baby-Preschool)
http://tinyurl.com/6jla3 

Steele, James, Sadie Listens: An Inward Journey, 2/2003 (Ages 4-8)
http://tinyurl.com/5z3lc 

Wallace, Bill, No Dogs Allowed!, 4/2004 (Ages 9-12)
http://tinyurl.com/4zyhj 

Wilhelm, Hans, I'll Always Love You, 12/1988 (Ages 4-8)
http://tinyurl.com/43aoz 

Zolotow, Charlotte, The Old Dog, 9/1995 (Ages 4-8)
http://tinyurl.com/6tzhl

Oh, Angel, I can't say anything more than what's already been said.  I think only you know what is right for you.  Saying a small prayer that Sara will someday send you a sign to help you recognize when it's time to help her legacy live on... in all the good things you can do for another dog in the world.
So, so sorry for your loss.

Oh no! How awful. [] I'm so sorry for your loss. Run free, Sara.  

Sara's mom, I wonder if you have ever seen this video about the Rainbow Bridge? It is a tearjerker, just so you know. It is comforting I think though - it shows that we will see our passed on pets again someday.
 
[linkhttp://www.indigo.org/rainbowbridge_ver2.html]The Rainbow Bridge[/link]
 
Again, I'm so very sorry. And to answer your question, in my experience eventually does get easier in the grieving process. Someday the tears will stop, as will the regrets (and remember, you are not to blame ONE BIT), and the sadness will end. The memories don't fade, but I don't think you'd want to lose those anyway.

Angel, again I want to say how sorry I am. I'm glad you liked her photo in the Rainbow Bridge section.. I only wish I could do more.
Just take it one day at a time, and really, don't be afraid to cry. Even as I type this, I find myself weeping for all the pets I've known that have passed (and they weren't even mine!)
The pain will ease off. It may never completely go away, but it will get better. Sara was lucky to have a home like yours, to be loved as much as she was. And I know it's hard, but don't think this was your fault. Sara knows how much you loved her, and she will be waiting for you at the Bridge when the time comes. Until then, remember her in her finest moments, remember the joy she added to your life, and remember that it is better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all.

Does it really get easier?

 
I don't know.  I think it gets more distant, and in that respect the hurt is duller.  But I read this and I am so aware of how much I miss my first basenji and she's been gone for almost 7 years.  And I think that's why I don't visit the rainbow bridge section of this forum.  It always makes me miss Roxanne. 

ORIGINAL: magilacudy

Does it really get easier?

I bottle raised a kitten from one day old and had to euthanize her at 17 mos old due to FIP, or what we can only believe was FIP - it will be one year of her death Oct 11 of this year. I struggled with this question for months because it was not getting easier. Months later, I would still cry spontaneously or think that I saw her in the house, I would have dreams about her coming back, and I was still very emotional about the whole thing. Everyone told me that time will heal this wound and it will get easier. I didn't understand why I couldn't seem to "get over it" like everyone said I would...until I found this quote:

"It has been said, 'time heals all wounds.' I do not agree. The wound remains. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers it with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone."

It makes sense to me and gives me comfort even today when I have the occasional breakdown about what happened to my little girl. Maybe it will work for you too...

You people are beautiful. I am so greatful for this site and for each of you. I'm sure that those who have been through  a loss and depended on others here can agree with me, that you all help so very much.
Janet thank you so much for the book list. I have placed holds on a number of them at the library.
The kids are doing better, each day we take a walk out to the tree by the statue and just talk to Sara. The kids feel better doing this. They tell her that they miss her and that they are so sad with out her. I'm amazed I have a tongue left because I bite it when they talk to keep from crying. I don't let them see me cry anymore. It was making it harder. So I take my cry moments to the garage.
I went to the grocery store yesterday to get a few things. I came out and this little black and tan pup (like Sara) greeted me and jumped up and chewed on my bag. The young boy called him away and said sorry. I just smiled and bawled the whole way home.
So I'm still pushing on, it's a long road ahead. I don't think I ever stop thinking of her. I just keep telling her I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. We were so happy together.
 
 
Thank you again everyone, you don't know how much you've helped. It's really a wonderful feeling to know that you are all thinking of my Girl and our family.

I'm glad you are finding the strength to get yourself through this and help the kids with their grief.  What you are going through is almost unimaginable to me, though I have lost beloved pets, too, and in very traumatic circumstances.
 
You've asked does it stop hurting and I think a few others have expressed it well.  You never stop missing them, but the trauma fades or gets scarred over and pushed down.  I won't kid you, there are moments more than 6 years after the very difficult death of our little grey cat, Franklin, where it all rushes back and brings me to my knees.  But mostly, I remember what joy she brought to my life and the guilt and pain recedes to the background.  And I concentrate on the fact that I showed her love in so many ways just as you did with Sara.
 
Hoping our words help you just a little...

I read this thread yesterday and I couldn't think of the right words to say.
 
Part of me wants to seek justice against the mobile pile of excrement that did this bad thing.
 
And the other part just wants to comiserate with you and share your loss. And hope that you have brighter days ahead. Since the cops won't do anything, you could post memorial fliers around town in the hopes that the driving doo-doo pile that did this will see and may have at least a brief moment of guilt and regret.
 
But more importantly, be well and puppy love will enter your life again.
 

Part of me wants to seek justice against the mobile pile of excrement that did this bad thing.

 
My feelings as well. I wish I knew where this woman was because she would be made to feel as bad as me and my children have. I don't understand what kind of person does this and has no remorse. I would have a little tiny very very tiny bit of understanding if she had at least stopped. Just stopped and said "I'm sorry." and tried to help me. I'm on the road laying on my dog crying, screaming. She must have looked back and watched but she didn't stop. It makes me sick, so sick I'd like to slap her. and scream at her and have her look in my childrens faces and tell them that she's the one who did it. She's the one who took our best friend away from us.
I don't understand people, I really don't. I'm sure she's over it by now, if at all she was upset.
 
 

Im finding comfort in alot of different things I read.. I hope this helps you as well...
 




Dying is the easier role
Returning Home to God, the angels
The spirit world of peace and love.
Our animal loved ones are there now
safe, whole, loved and ever loving.
It is in staying behind
on earth
feeling alone
without the animals we love so dearly
that is the harder role.
The anguish of it comes unbidden,
when least expected,
seemingly unending, inescapable,
dark hours of pain.
Yet relief from pain
and healing and growth are possible too
Nourishment and support
are all around
in people, the animals, the sun, the rivers
in forests, in flowers, in books, in tapes,
in pictures, in song, from angels, from God
and the strength and wisdom
of our own souls.
We must only open our hearts
to the love waiting to help us heal.
Pouring our love and care and nurturing
onto our animals
must shift now,
to loving and caring and nurturing ourselves.
It is time for us now.
As one who has loved so completely
so fully
You are just as important as the one who has died.
You do not dishonor your loved one
or their memory
by taking care of yourself.
Take time to heal now.
Make choices to grow now.
Love yourself as you love your animal.
Love yourself as your animal loves you.
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