I know that this isn't a horse board, but I am looking for a variety of opinions on this....
It is really hard for me to type this up, but the only person I can really talk to about this is DH, and though he tries to be supportive he knows nothing about horses.
I have a 5 (almost 6 year old off the track Standardbred called Snafu. I've had him since he was 3. I got him knowing that he had a pulled suspensory. Even though I bought him, I feel like it was sort of a rescue because it was either me or the Amish (who were going to use him right off-pulled suspensory or not), and when their horses become unusable they generally sell them to slaughter.
According to the vet, the suspensory has healed, but he has continued to have problems despite the fact that he has been rested since I've owned him:
-fairly severe, on and off back pain. He has been better lately, but his back will randomly hurt him. It used to be so bad that I couldn't even curry his back, and if you squeezed his withers he clearly showed signs of pain. I have had 2 vets (1 is a chiro) examine him many times. The chiro has adjusted him several times and could only say that his back was out of alignment, but not what was causing it as he has not been in ANY work. For the time being his back seems fine.
-weird pains/weakness? in his hind end. It started when he stopped letting me pick up his right hind leg without trying to hop to a wall. The vet said she saw slight lameness in his left hind but didn't have any idea what it was. He has gotten better with joint supps, but has recently started to show signs of pain again, even with the supps. You can't tell by watching him in the paddock, but when I try to pick up his right hind his left is clearly in pain. He will let me pick it up after a fuss, but the second I set it down he does all he can to get the weight off of his left hind, and continues trying to get the weight off that leg for nearly an hour.
When he rolls and tries to get up, he often has trouble and has to struggle.
We had planned on taking him up to MSU, I even had money saved up. Then Jack (my 10 month old lab puppy) started limping several months ago. At first the vet said not to worry, that it was probably growing pains. However, growing pains usually shift legs, and this did not, so I insisted on x-rays. My vet found nothing wrong on them and sent them to an orthopedic vet who also found nothing wrong. It was then suggested that it might be a soft tissue injury, so we started him on "crate rest" (like stall rest, but in a crate--he only gets to go out of the crate to go potty). He has been on crate rest for weeks, with a little improvement, but he's not sound. I took him to a second vet who heard a popping in his left shoulder (the other vet thought the problem was his right leg). She said she thought I should either give him another month or so in the crate (which I am not going to do), or take him down to the Purdue teaching hospital.
He has an appointment on May 9th. He may need surgery. I am going to have to use the money earmarked for Snafu. I hate feeling like I chose my dog over my horse, but at least Snafu has a life--he is turned out with his buddies--he just cannot be ridden. Jack has no life to speak of right now. He can't even go out for short walks for fear of making whatever is wrong with him worse.
Now I am not sure what to do with Snafu. I can afford to keep him, that's not the issue, but I won't be able to afford taking him to MSU, at least for a year or so. In the meantime I am paying for a horse I can't ride (I board).
Even if *poof* he were sound tomorrow, I'm not sure if he's the best horse for me. When I bought him I thought I would be able to start training (with the help of a trainer of course) after 6-12 months of rest. A lot of things have changed since then. I have 2 dogs, own a house, and have a job. Plus I have a husband. Well, I had him when I got the horse, but we were having lots of problems, and I spent as much time away from him as possible. Now, we are doing much better and I need to spend a decent amount of time with him to keep that going.
I *do* have time for a horse, but I really don't know that I have time for a green horse in addition to the other obligations I have in my life.
In addition, as much as I hate to admit this, I do have some confidence issues. I had a nasty fall a few years ago that really shook me. Not long after that the only riding I really did that wasn't for work was on my older mare. I really concerned that if Snafu does something stupid (as all greenies do) and I fall off and am hurt, that I won't ride again.
I do want horses in my life badly, and I love, love, LOVE to trail ride, but since I bought Snafu I haven't ridden much for fun. There are some horses at the barn that I could ride, but they are trail string horses who are quite herd bound-riding them is generally a battle.
On the one hand, I feel like at this point in my life I just want a nice horses that I can do trail and arena work with without having to fight every ride, that I can really get my confidence back on, that I can really enjoy riding and working with.
On the other hand, I feel like Snafu is my responsibility no matter what, and to try to find a good home for him would be selfish and ****ty on my part.
I really, really don't know what to do. I could use any and all advice--even harsh advice.
And if you read all this you get a cookie...a big cookie....
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