... Thanks again everyone for all of your input and advice.
We've been keeping Snickers seperate from Khoale in a "rotation" of crates and outside which has been working well, and actually seems to de-stress her. We've also kicked all three dogs out of the bed and onto the floor until we get this under control.... no worries, they have therapeutic memory foam beds so they're not exactly leading the tough life
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We located what seems to be a WONDERFUL trainer through Mirandadobe (thanks ...grin) that is 2.5 hours away. DH is into the dog training thing now and is willing to drive the 2.5 hours each way on Sundays for private lessons with ALL THREE dogs with this woman. I was ultra impressed with her... as was my husabnd which was the best part. he left feeling like he was justified in some of his feelings about Snickers but also feeling like there was a plausible solution and plan! (I swear she must be a mind reader, the way some of the things she said were right on to how he was feeling was eerie!). She called us on the fact that our pack is not in control... hurts to hear but totally true... they walked US in the room, we treat Oliver like a baby who gets everything he wants, and Snickers is left feeling like SHE has to train everyone and make all the decisions. It was embarassing to see Oliver become demonstrative and whiny, rolling on his back in an exxagerated way when we ignored him... we created this "monster" of a pack, so we'll be working to get the control back and start making the decisions
Snickers and Khoale may never love one another, but we both feel confident that someday they can be in the same room when we are around. The things she said in her assessment were very positive but also brutally honest. i was impressed by the time she spent not only answering my emails but also sitting and assessing us and the dogs... way above and beyond with no guarantees she was getting our business... that was an earmark or a good trainer as well.
Anyhow... things are going better... just wanted to let everyone know.