Funny things you have seen someone say in their sleep

That's funny!

When my nephew was born, I went to visit my sister. I stayed for a week or so. One of the nights, my BIL's mother stayed, too. We had to share a room because they only had one spare bedroom. She got the bed & I slept on a futon. Anyway, she snored and talked all night long. One of the things I remember was "Now what are you eating so intently down there?"

My husband went off the nut in his sleep.  First of all, he is a very odd sleeper and also has a seizure disorder.  All of his seizures have happened as he was waking up.

This was before we were married, he was sleeping at my house b/c we had to get to the airport at 3am to fly to his bro's wedding.  At 2am the alarm goes off.  Something about it made him flip out.  He lept out of bed, ran to the door, and started screaming.  Blood curdling screams, like he was being stabbed over and over.  I couldn't get the light on because he was blocking the switch and everytime I went near him he kept screaming "STOP STOP STOP!!!"  I said "Don't you know who I am?  I just want to turn on the light." and he goes "NOOO I DONT KNOW YOU".  Finally I reached for it and flipped it on.  He walked over to the bed and sat down and just blinked for a while.  I was so pissed my housemates would be pissed, getting woken up by screaming at 2am.

Another time we were sleeping and all the sudden I feel him jump into a sitting position on my chest.  Not cool because he weighs over 200 lbs.  I was like "wtf?!" and he his eyes get all wide and he goes "There's BIG BUGS on the ceiling!!" and points to the corner above his side.  I said "There is NOT a bug, now get off because I can't breathe!"

My husband has woken up several times while still dreaming.  What really irks me is that he always turns on the damn light! (But that helps him wake up).  Once he turned to me and gave a snotty, "THAAAANKS" because he said I threw a goldfish bowl with a tarantula in it on him in bed.  The most recent time he got up and turned on the light and started messing with the covers.  The next morning he said he swore there was a mouse in the bed with us. 
 
The funny thing with him is that I have to let him play out his dream - if I start to tell him to just go back to sleep, he gets very upset and defensive.  He just needs to figure out he is dreaming on his own.
 
My former boyfriend used to wake up and speak only in gibberish.  Mostly alarmist type of stuff - like he'd wake up and shake me awake and point hysterically at the ceiling, saying something like "ughagbhhghahhakjdglkkkkk!"  And then he'd go right back to sleep when I told him to, and of course I'd be awake for awhile with my pulse racing at 180bpm.  LOL   

I used to date this med student and one night we were spending the night at a hotel after a wedding.  Suddenly, he sat up in bed and starting yelling out ER instructions (like they do on TV) and yelling at me to get the blood, or this guy was going to die.  Then just like that he laid back down and went to sleep.

Kate, your post seriously made me laugh out loud. These stories are too funny!!
 
My favorite happened with my mom a few years ago when I was still living at home. She used to make me wake her up to let her know when I got home late at night, so I did that one evening, and she commenced to say "You be careful with that game." I asked, "Mom, what game?" She answered, " The board game - the game of Life." I asked her what the heck she was talking about, and she replied "Sorry, Mandy. I'm just on Cloud 19 (not Cloud 9)." 
 
I cracked up, and went to bed. I asked her about it the next morning, and she had no idea what I was talking about....too funny!!

I had a creepy one when I was younger... a friend of mine was sleeping over, and I think we were either sharing a bed or sleeping near each other on the floor. In the middle of the night she bolted upright, opened here eyes as wide as they would go, and cried out in a deep and ominous voice, "You don't belong here. Go back to where you came from." Then she fell back down and proceeded to sleep for several minutes before closing her eyes again.

I had a creepy one when I was younger... a friend of mine was sleeping over, and I think we were either sharing a bed or sleeping near each other on the floor. In the middle of the night she bolted upright, opened here eyes as wide as they would go, and cried out in a deep and ominous voice, "You don't belong here. Go back to where you came from." Then she fell back down and proceeded to sleep for several minutes before closing her eyes again.

 
OK - that is creepy.

Kate, this is a funny thread![]

   DH talks in his sleep all the time but most the time I can#%92t remember in the morning what he says… or sometimes what he says isn#%92t appropriate to write on this forum…[]
 
  But I did have a funny experience with a BF in College. It was his 23rd birthday and he was so wasted it was unbelievable. I was house sitting for my parents and I didn#%92t want him to go back to his place alone because I knew he was gonna be really sick. SO he came back to the parents house with me and in the middle of the night he got up to pee but had no idea where he was or where the bathroom was.  I wake up to the sound of someone peeing very close by and see him with one hand holding onto the wall and the other holding onto his … well you know…. And he is peeing out the second story bedroom window through the screen and onto the patio cover.[sm=biggrin.gif]

Both my kids will have very normal sounding converations in their sleep, except the words make no sense.  Things like, "Move the potato over by the bridge because it is floating."  They're very matter-of-fact about it, and will keep talking to you if you talk back to them.  I blame bad genes  [8D]

Your gibberish story reminds me of Chris and I. When we first started dating, I had only just started to learn Spanish. He would wake up in the middle of the night, speak to me in Spanish, and I, thinking he was awake would say, "No entiendo, en ingles, por favor." (I don't understand, in English, please.) He would get so mad and yell, "NO!" and continue whatever he had said...then I realized he was talking in his sleep and told him to go back to bed. His response was an annoyed "Fine!" and he flopped over and was quiet.

Then one time, at my grandparents house, he was sleeping on the couch while I shared the fold out bed with my sister. Very early in the morning I was woken up by him laughing VERY loudly...then he said, "Going on twenty-one!" It freaked me out that he sounded so happy so early in the morning (he is not a good waker-uper), and said "Chris?" But he was asleep...that is the only time I have ever heard someone laugh in their sleep.

My mom and I shared a similar experience. One night while my parents were still married, my mom sat up in bed, slapped my dad on the chest and said, "Who the hell are you talking to?" My dad was so surprised, but he managed to realize she was sleeping and said, "I'm talking to YOU, dear." My mom seemed to get very confused and said, "Ok..." and flopped back onto the pillow.

About a year ago, when I was sick, I was having trouble falling asleep. Chris fell asleep (or so I thought) before me. I whispered, "I love you." And he replied (or so I thought), "I love you, too, Mary." Thinking he was asleep and had given up some secret, I yelled, "Who the hell is Mary?!?!" He sat up and looked at me very scared and confused..."I said, 'I love you, too, baby.'" I felt so bad, but I couldn't stop laughing! []

This stuff is hillarious.
I've never heard anyone else say something funny, but my friend told me once when she was sleeping over that I sat up in the middle of the night, screamed, and then plopped back down to sleep. She tried to ask me what it was about, but I didn't answer.

My husband is totally ridiculous with the nightime antics. Basically you can check "all of the above" for him. He talks, he sits up with his eyes wide open and says and does stuff, he's had night terrors and sleep paralysis.

I think the funniest one I rememeber was when he rolled over and said, "Don't play that game."
"What game?" I replied.
"The stealing game."

Oh! The stealing game is it? Mmkay. But that is just the one I remember. He's said all sorts of bizarre nonsensical things along with the random "NOOOOO!!!"s and "HEEELLLPP!!!"s. He does that a lot. I'm glad I don't have to dream whatever dreams he's having.

I can remember one. When i was like, 13 my friend was frantically shaking me trying to wake me up. When i asked her what was wrong, she asked, "are you making squares?" when i asked what she meant, she asked again and i said, " I have no clue what you're talking about." Then she sighed and said, "you just wouldn't understand!" in a mean voice, then turned around and went back to sleep.
 
I also had a friend who woke up in the middle of the night and was like, going through the covers like she was looking for something. We asked her what she was doing and she said she was looking for her gum and it was in her dance team jacket.   ?

Yeah I have never experienced someone else sleep talking or walking cause it's always me! I'm really bad at it,  When I lived at home with my parents I often used to walk upstairs, abuse my dad swearing and cursing asking him why he hadn't done it. Then get a drink leave it on the bench and go back to bed. This happened nearly every week. We never figured out what "it" was but dad certainly got sick of me swearing at him.
Now my poor partner has to deal with it, even the dog I've woken up and started checking his ears cause I thought he had ear mites. I've punched Shaun and told him to ring the fire truck the house is burning down. Heaps of things I'm not as bad as I used to be it's only about once a month something for Shaun to look forward to hehe.