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Woman-Speak Translator

Posted : 4/10/2007 1:45:06 AM

1. "We need" - I want

2. "This Kitchen is so ____" - I want a new house

3. "I want new curtains" - and carpet, and furniture, and ...

4. "I need a new pair of shoes" - the other 40 are all the wrong color

5. "I only need a soap dish" - We'll check out ALL the sale items

6. "Those are a bargain" - Did you bring your checkbook?

7. "Does this dress look OK?" - I need a new wardrobe

8. "Look at this coat!" - Is VISA maxed out?

9. "You're so attentive tonite" - Is sex all you ever think about?

10. "It's just... I'm soooo tired" - Get away from me, you sex maniac
.

11. "It's been such a hectic day" - Get away from me, you sex maniac

12. "Hon! I just did my hair" - Get away from me, you sex maniac

13. "Are the kids asleep?" - Get away from me, you sex maniac

14. "Won't you be late for work?" - Get away from me, you sex maniac

15. "Turn out the lights first" - My thighs looked flabby today

16. "Of course I like making love" - Is this gonna take much longer?

17. "You're ... so manly" - You need a shave and a shower

18. "You have such a manly scent" - For God's sake. Use some deodorant

19. "My, don't you look comfortable" - Go put on a shirt, slob

20. "So nice to see you relaxing" - Don't sit around in your underwear

21. "I'm not upset!" - Of course I'm upset, you moron

22. "I'm not emotional!" - You'd be too, if you married an idiot

23. "I'm not mad at all" - I can't believe you're that stupid

24. "Yes, I'm still talking to you" - I can't believe you're that stupid

25. "I'm not being quiet" - I can't believe you're that stupid

26. "No" - NO !!! NEVER !!! NO WAY !!!

27. "I'm sorry" - You'll be sorry

28. "Do you forgive me?" - You'll be sorry

29. "Well, I was upset" - You'll be sorry

30. "Well, I was tired" - You'll be sorry

31. "Well, I had a headache" - You'll be sorry

32. "Do what you want" - You'll pay for this later, big time

33. "Do what you think best" - You'll pay for this later, big time

34. "You know more about it" - You'll pay for this later, big time

35. "As I recall, it was your idea" - You'll pay for this later, big time

36. "Yes, I've calmed down" - You'll pay for this later, big time

37. "I realize it was my fault sweetheart" - You ain't seen nothing yet!

38. "It's your decision" - The correct decision is obvious

39. "Sure... go ahead" - Don't you dare, you clown

40. "You like this recipe?" - It's easy to fix

41. "Do you want to eat out?" - I forgot to go grocery shopping

42. "What do you want for dinner?" - I don't feel like cooking

43. "You seen that new restaurant?" - I don't feel like cooking

44. "It's your Mother's recipe" - You'd better darn sight eat that

45. "You liked that the last time"- You'd better darn sight eat that

46. "Don't want to talk yet" - Go away, I'm building up steam

47. "Just need some time to think" - Go away, I'm building up steam

48. "We need to talk" - I need to complain

49. "Learn to communicate" - Just agree with me

50. "I am not yelling!" - This is important, you idiot!

51. "Are you listening to me???" - Too late, you're dead

52. "Our anniversary's coming up" - When I think of the guys I could've married

53. "The kids were so bad today" - Your gene pool needs more chlorine

Liesje

Posted : 4/10/2007 7:44:53 AM

I like this one too:

1. FINE = This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you NEED to shut up.

2. Five Minutes = If she is getting dressed, this means a half hour. Five Minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

3. Nothing = This is the calm before the storm. This means "SOMETHING" and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with"NOTHING" usually end in "FINE".

4. Go Ahead = This is a dare, not permission. DON'T DO IT

5. Loud Sigh = This is actually a word, but is non verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh mens she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here arguing
with you about "Nothing". (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of "Nothing".)

6. That's Okay = This is one of the most dangerous statements a woman will make to a man. "That's Okay" means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

7. Thanks = A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say, "You're Welcome."

8. Whatever = Is a woman's polite way of saying, "You're Stupid."

9. Don't worry about it, I got it = Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing herself. This will later result in a man asking "what's wrong", for the woman's response refer to #3.

Michelle

Posted : 4/10/2007 8:10:58 AM

I'd e-mail these to DH, but he's at work and I'm afraid he would get in trouble for laughing too loudly and crying in his cubicle!

Chuffy

Posted : 4/10/2007 9:57:18 AM

I liked the llast one best!

DumDog

Posted : 4/10/2007 11:31:23 PM

ORIGINAL: Liesje

I like this one too:

1. FINE = This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you NEED to shut up.

2. Five Minutes = If she is getting dressed, this means a half hour. Five Minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

3. Nothing = This is the calm before the storm. This means "SOMETHING" and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with"NOTHING" usually end in "FINE".

4. Go Ahead = This is a dare, not permission. DON'T DO IT

5. Loud Sigh = This is actually a word, but is non verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh mens she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here arguing
with you about "Nothing". (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of "Nothing".)

6. That's Okay = This is one of the most dangerous statements a woman will make to a man. "That's Okay" means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

7. Thanks = A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say, "You're Welcome."

8. Whatever = Is a woman's polite way of saying, "You're Stupid."

9. Don't worry about it, I got it = Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing herself. This will later result in a man asking "what's wrong", for the woman's response refer to #3.

lol i was going to post those too, but didnt want to over do it [

]
i read all of these outloud to my husband and he agreed with them all..... i have to admit that, for me, its true...

Xeph

Posted : 4/11/2007 12:05:24 AM

I love you honey! - Will you buy me a....

You are SO cute - I married a dumb@$$

Thank you, that was very helpful! - I should have done it myself

Great job sweetie! - I should have done it myself

It looks....wonderful! - I should have done it myself

Ohhh! - I should have done it myself

This is the BEST present ever - What the hell were you thinking?

This is EXACTLY what I wanted - This is not even close to what I wanted

Those pants look....good! - Go change....NOW!

DumDog

Posted : 4/11/2007 12:59:17 AM

[sm=rotfl.gif]

This is the BEST present ever - What the hell were you thinking?

not in my family.... the women were raised to speak up lol one of my cousin's had an ordeal where her husband pretended to forget her birthday all day long, and when she got home he gave her a $50 pen...... then he said all please and excited.... "Remember when you said that day at the grocery store 'I WISH i had a good pen!'?? Well i GOT you a good pen!"
she said "..yeah i meant a good pen like a Bic... something with INK in it...."
she missed the oppertunity to learn here... while he DID buy her something incredibly dumb... he REMEMBERED SOMETHING SHE SAID!!!

my husband can see through all of that "women speak" though.... its like he's that guy in "What Women Want" ... can read minds or something.... kinda makes me nervous..

huskymom

Posted : 4/11/2007 8:15:45 AM

I really should send these to Tyler. They all make perfect sense to me, but I guarantee you he looks at them and goes,"OOOOoooooohhhhh!!!!"

Chuffy

Posted : 4/12/2007 3:45:32 PM

ORIGINAL: DumDog

[sm=rotfl.gif]

This is the BEST present ever - What the hell were you thinking?

not in my family.... the women were raised to speak up lol one of my cousin's had an ordeal where her husband pretended to forget her birthday all day long, and when she got home he gave her a $50 pen...... then he said all please and excited.... "Remember when you said that day at the grocery store 'I WISH i had a good pen!'?? Well i GOT you a good pen!"
she said "..yeah i meant a good pen like a Bic... something with INK in it...."
she missed the oppertunity to learn here... while he DID buy her something incredibly dumb... he REMEMBERED SOMETHING SHE SAID!!!

my husband can see through all of that "women speak" though.... its like he's that guy in "What Women Want" ... can read minds or something.... kinda makes me nervous..

Bless the man! I'd have been so pleased as punch that he remembered anything I said, even if he did misunderstand it, it would have trumped the gift itself, no matter what he bought! But shhh! Don't tell me hubby that....

Ashley

Posted : 4/12/2007 4:21:44 PM

ORIGINAL: Xeph

This is the BEST present ever - What the hell were you thinking?

I have to disagree with this one. Chris told me just after Thanksgiving that I would be getting a puppy for Christmas. 4 weeks later, we took Schmee into our home, and she is, hands down, the BEST present ever. I bet he's kicking himself now...how's he gonna top that?! [

]

Xeph

Posted : 4/12/2007 5:05:15 PM

I have to disagree with this one. Chris told me just after Thanksgiving that I would be getting a puppy for Christmas.

Well it doesn't COUNT if they tell you what you're getting! It's all about the surprise! Like when Aunt Ida gets you tube socks, and your response is "Oh! ....tube socks!" which really means "You cheap old biddy, I wanted a new game console."

Ashley

Posted : 4/12/2007 5:36:44 PM

ORIGINAL: Xeph

Well it doesn't COUNT if they tell you what you're getting!

I guess not...now that I think about it, you're right. Once I got all soap from everyone on Christmas...I think I still have some. I was so paranoid about my hygine for the rest of the year. [:-]

But Schmee really is the best present ever.