bridal shower/wedding gifts

I completely understand where you are coming from...it does feel a little weird when you are going through the process.  However, I had over 300 people at my wedding (invited 400) and three bridal showers...we have huge families...and if I hadn't registered it would have caused World War III. 
 
Certain things I received that weren't on my registery I cherish, like the crystal vases and bowls and picture frames (I got tons of these and loved them), but I remember one of the girls I worked with say something once that constituted "I didn't like the bedding set so I picked one out I liked better".  That I think is also a little presumptuous. 

I think registries are fine for certain things like china pattern, crystal etc. or maybe for quests who don't know you well (why are they even invited?). But generally I find them a little presumptuous. I don't like the idea of listing what you 'want' or "you can buy anything from this lsit". So what if the towels don't match your bathroom? God lord, I have more mismatched towels and linens than you can shake a stick at. They still do the job. A nice bowl, is a nice bowl. Maybe it's not what you would pick out, but isn't it the thought that counts? I would much rather recieve a gift that someone thought was special than something they simply picked off a list I made up. Give me a gift from the heart anyday (good, bad or ugly) and I'll LOVE IT!
Maybe I'm weird?

Yeah, I really think it depends on the couple and the gift in question.  My mom's friend bought us floor lamps, and she bought nicer ones than what we'd registered for and I love them!  I couldn't have picked better ones myself.  My husband's uncle gave us a sculpture that he made and we love that, since it magically matches another sculpture a friend gave me.  My uncle gave my husband a nice fishing reel and rod because he always fishes with my little cousin.

Some gifts we got really gave us raised eyebrows.  For example, my husband has an undiagnosed seizure disorder and pretty much everyone knows this and knows that he cannot have any alcohol probably ever again because of his medications.  Most of our friends also know that because he can't drink, I don't drink either, and we don't drink when he's around so he doesn't feel left out.  We specifically did not register for anything that has to do with mixing and serving drinks because we'll never be able to use it and we're not the type of people that hosts fancy parties and serves aged wine to our guests.  So what does someone buy us?  A big set of wine glasses, and then says something like "I saw you didn't register for any of these and I thought it was weird so I got them." 

I posted another thread about some weird stuff I got and what to do with it.  The Humane Society we work at is now having a huge rumage sale, so I've decided to donate our unused wedding gifts to be sold for their benefit.

As for gifts of the heart, I always appreciate the thoughtfulness, especially when it seems they tried extra hard to be thoughtful and avoid the registry.  However, when you live in a tiny little apartment with a bunch of animals (literally), there's only so much random stuff you can store.  Some of the stuff we got just does not fit our lifestyle and never will, so I'd rather give it away so someone else can enjoy it.  I could re-gift, but I feel weird about that unless a friend expresses an interest in something I don't want.

Just a sidenote - I was a bad girl and checked my registry before the wedding.  I was elated to see that someone bought this decorative bowl and scanned it off the registry.  However, I never received the bowl!  I'm not mad, I think it's funny and a little odd....I'm flattered they liked my taste and decided to keep it, hehe.

OK so a friend of mine is chipping in for the shower gift.  I am waiting to hear back, but I'd like to still do the gluten free food basket and may do it on my own if she doesn't want to.
 
For the wedding gift, there are 3 sets of wine glasses from Crate and Barrel she wants (20 of each!!!!).  I am thinking of getting 4 of each kind and a bottle of wine to go with it.  That way others can get some if they want, and she has enough to have another couple over for dinner.  Also, I know she drinks wine because I normally see her at parties where she is drinking wine. 
 
 
I am soon to be engaged and cannot wait to register.  There are certain things we have held off from buying so we can register because people will be annoyed without a list of ideas and there is not much we need as it is.    So I have waited to buy a crock pot, new sheets, towels, pans, etc.  Where I am from in NJ, most people gave money for the actual wedding gift but down here in MD, people give gifts. 

I am registerd at Bed Bath and Beyond as well as Kohl's.  I would totally welcome gifts not on my registry.  My registry contains items from 12bucks to 299.00 and only one at 299.
We pretty much registered just to make things easier on people.  We own a home, this our second marriage and pretty much have everything we need.  I put very little time into making the registry cuz we have most everything, I just registered for stuff I have but a newer model so to speak.  So I say, get them whatever you want from wherever you want.  They will appreciate it, I would.

I registered at Target.  It was fun, going around scanning everything!  All our friends are poor college students, so we registered for AA batteries, some candy, 12 packs of soda....and people got it!  My husband has family in Chicago and they are more uppity, so for them we registered at Crate and Barrel since the store is in Chicago, but even then I chose the cheapest glassware and silverware sets.  I think the only things on both registries over $30 was some camping equipment.  I did register for a few furniture pieces, but I didn't really count them or expect anyone to get them.  I registered for them simply b/c after your wedding, you get a coupon to use for anything you didn't get, and I figured if we got enough money to pool and buy the more expensive things, the coupon would work for them since they were on the list.

To the OP, I like the wine glass and wine idea, especially since she's into wine.  The glasses are on the list, but with the wine you can get more personal and choose something yourself.

I agree with Rkimbal.  I'm a little annoyed @ someone who would register some pretty expensive items & expect someone to buy them these.  I would find something you like @ TJMaxx or Marshall's & give it to them.  I think it's unfair for them to expect you to spend money you can't afford to spend on something for them.  TJMaxx has some really pretty cut glass vases & crystal.  They do not need to know how much you spend on the gift.  Spend what you're comfortable spending.  There is no need for you to have to take out a loan or be eating beans & rice so you can buy them 2 wine glasses.
When I registered, I had these really nice crystal red wine glasses on my registry.  I got them along with a nice set of some nice White wine glasses.  To be totally honest, I've been married almost 17 years & I hardly use the red wine glasses.  I'm terrified of breaking them.

The first wedding I went to of a "friend" had a Target registry that even included a 42 cent fly swatter hehe.

I've been married almost 17 years & I hardly use the red wine glasses.

 
I will definitely say that we registered for waaay too many glasses.  We have 8 each white wine, red wine (don't ask me the difference because I have no idea),  champagne,  martini, shot glasses, pint glasses, high balls, rocks glasses.  After 6 years I don't think we have even touched more than 2 of each kind (the martini are my favorite).  Regardless, we have waaay too many.  That was really stupid.  But, because I think the most expensive glass was $5 we got them all.  One day I am going to have one heck of a garage sale []

I may be mistaken, but I thought that if you got someone a shower gift, then you are not required by etiquette to also buy them a wedding gift (and vice versa).  I know when we got married, people that came to the shower did not bring wedding gifts as well. Is this something new or specific to an area?  Clueless here......

ORIGINAL: stardancnminpin

I may be mistaken, but I thought that if you got someone a shower gift, then you are not required by etiquette to also buy them a wedding gift (and vice versa).  I know when we got married, people that came to the shower did not bring wedding gifts as well. Is this something new or specific to an area?  Clueless here......

 
 
I never heard of that.  Maybe it is in your area.  The shower gift is from me, the wedding gift will be from both bf and me.

I never heard of that. Maybe it is in your area. The shower gift is from me, the wedding gift will be from both bf and me.

 
I have never heard of that either.  The shower is supposed to be for the bride and the wedding is for the couple.  We give a separate gifts for the shower and the wedding.  However, when I had multiple showers due to different family groups and friends, I would only expect one gift from those that attended more than one.

It must just be the area I am in then. My grandmother has always been a real stickler for etiquette, and since she has never done two gifts, I was surprised at this. I did a little research out of curiosity and found some information so I'll know next time. Though they did say that if you can only afford one gift, that is okay too. Learn something new everyday!

Amy

PS As someone with a gluten intolerance, I think your idea of a gift basket of foods that she can eat is a very nice idea!  In case she is a chocolate lover (and you can find it), there is a Chocolate Truffle Brownie mix made by Gluten-Free Pantry that is DIVINE!

I didn't read all the posts, but I wanted to give my [sm=2cents.gif].  I work for a small home interior shop and we get tons of people in here looking for wedding gifts.  I definately think it's ok to buy from another store.  For the shower you could do like a home spa kit.  Something relaxing before the big day.  I always suggest frames or photo albums.  They are going to have a ton of pictures that they won't know what to do with.  Black would be good since you don't know what her taste is, and black and white pictures look great in black frames.  You can use the registry as a guide.  I love crate and barrel!  You could get her a couple of wine glasses from there, or even some funky martini glasses.  Or I don't know if there are a lot of wine tasting rooms in maryland, but you could get them a gift certificate for tasting and a couple of glasses.
 
Anyways, just some ideas

ORIGINAL: stardancnminpin

PS As someone with a gluten intolerance, I think your idea of a gift basket of foods that she can eat is a very nice idea!  In case she is a chocolate lover (and you can find it), there is a Chocolate Truffle Brownie mix made by Gluten-Free Pantry that is DIVINE!

 
I was planning on ordering from [linkhttp://www.glutenfree.com]www.glutenfree.com[/link].   I will look for the brownie mix.  Do you buy stuff online?

I buy online, but mainly from Ener-G Foods http://www.ener-g.com/default.aspx). Most of the other items I find are carried at health food stores. Being diabetic, as well as having a gluten intolerance can make for some fun eating.  I have tried some of the gluten products, but if the carbohydrate count is very large per serving, then I don't even bother. I do tend to keep my favorites in the freezer for the times when my blood sugar is running low and I need to get it up. It gives me a chance to indulge in things I don't' normally get to eat.  The mixes freeze well (both before and after they are made). And after Hurricane Rita, I tend to keep carb sources in the freezer regardless of their nutritional value. I found out that any carb is a good thing to have in that scenario!

The brownie mix:http://www.glutenfree.com/item_detail.aspx?ItemCode=126021M

If you want, I'll pm you some of my favorites []

Amy