bridal shower/wedding gifts

I would never have a problem with someone buying me something from my registry but from a different store.  Just make sure you go to Macy's or Crate and Barrel and have it taken off the registry so she doesn't get duplicates.  If you don't want to get her anything off the registry, then go with a gift certificate to one of the stores, restaurant you know they would like, Target, etc. or cash. 
 
I was invited to a wedding where the bride registered at Tiffany's (yeah, like I am going to buy you a $500 bowl!) and instead gave her a gift certificate to a different store. 
 
I know when I got married I was annoyed when someone bought me something not on my registry.  That is the purpose of it.  Nothing is crappier than having to return something you didn't ask for and might not have a receipt or know where it came from.  However, I am kind of a nut case about registries (my friends make fun of me) so take this with a grain of salt. 
 
Some ideas if you don't want to give a certificate or cash:
 Make up a gourmet food basket (everything for an italian dinner/asian dinner)
Cool, nice kitchen towels to match their decor (something you wouldn't buy for yourself)
Wine
 
Regarding $$ amounts, this is what I usually do for an acquaintance:
Shower:  $35
Wedding for two people:  $75 - $100
 
How much I give at the wedding depends if I know if the couple is paying for it themselves.  I know that shouldn't matter, but if they are paying for it themselves, I try to at least cover the cost of the plate - so they break even.  Of course, if they are spending an outrageous amount per plate, then all bets are off. 
 
Sorry for the long response...I am a weirdo about these things.

You should buy what you want to give as a gift...
If you can buy the same thing cheaper, why not?
 
We registered and still got doubles of things...at least she can return it....
 
Leave the $1500 dollar coffee maker to family...[]

My concern with buying something elsewhere is what if I buy it and someone else does too, and then she opens them right after the other!  I didn't think I could tell the other store to remove something from the registry... I thought only the people who made the registry could. 
 
So here's my idea for the bridal shower at least (if I don't chip in with someone else)... she has to eat gluten free, dairy free, egg free things.  So I may buy some foods and get some recipes and make a basket of foods she can eat.  Anyone know if Wegman's has a gluten free area?
 
I don't know what colors their house is because I have never been and they did not register for towels or anything since they bought the house over the past few yrs. and already decorated how they want. 
 
I don't like gift cards in general because then they know exactly what you spent .  So, I don't give gift cards in general, except with other gifts.
 
Thanks for the ideas... keep them coming!

ORIGINAL: mrstjohnson

I know when I got married I was annoyed when someone bought me something not on my registry.  That is the purpose of it.  Nothing is crappier than having to return something you didn't ask for and might not have a receipt or know where it came from.  However, I am kind of a nut case about registries (my friends make fun of me) so take this with a grain of salt. 

 
Apparently at first they did not even want to register.  I think they kind of put things to indulge themselves on the registry.  They have a $500 set of pots and then like 10 other pots and pans of the same brand individually.  A pic frame for over $100.  A $1500 coffee machine.  Very few things are under $50 and if they are, it is a wine glass for $25.  You can't get just one!  Even the silverware is $50 for 1 setting!
 
She is 28.  Most of her friends that are going that I know of live paycheck to paycheck.  She could not realistically expect people to spend those amounts, esp. when many of us are not close with her and were surprised to even be invited!  Even her bridesmaids are having trouble affording the gifts her sister wants them to all go in together for. 

So here's my idea for the bridal shower at least (if I don't chip in with someone else)... she has to eat gluten free, dairy free, egg free things. So I may buy some foods and get some recipes and make a basket of foods she can eat.

 
This is a great idea!  Also, very personal touch too!  She will probably really appreciate this.  I know what you mean about gift cards...not big on them myself.

You could buy something from a cheaper store, but you're correct that the other store won't remove it from the registry.

If I were you, I'd get a gift certificate to one of the stores they registered at.  My hubby and I had things we needed, but no one could afford to buy us (namely a bed) so we pooled all our cash and gift certificates to get the stuff.  The gift certificates and cash helped us get the stuff we actually needed.  I had posted on my registry that gift cards were definitely welcome.  They seem less personal, but they really are appreciated!!  I don't like people to know what I spent either, but if you get a gift from the registry, they still know since they picked it, or if it's something they return with the gift receipt, they'll find out.  Basically, if people want to start judging their friends based on how much they spend on gifts, then that's their problem.

Or, if you know others going, pool your money and get one gift.  I've done that a few times.

Apparently at first they did not even want to register. I think they kind of put things to indulge themselves on the registry. They have a $500 set of pots and then like 10 other pots and pans of the same brand individually. A pic frame for over $100. A $1500 coffee machine. Very few things are under $50 and if they are, it is a wine glass for $25. You can't get just one! Even the silverware is $50 for 1 setting!

 
Personally, I think when people do this it is rude.  My mom gave me a guideline to go by and it's worked out well for both my bridal and baby registeries..."if you can't afford to buy it if no one gives it to you than you have no place putting it on your registry in the first place".  There is no way I would spend $25 to replace a glass if one broke or $50 for a plate.  That's just insane, so why would I assume someone else would pay that?

That's why we put no gifts! on our invites. We're just guessing if someone feels the need to give us something, it will be cash or a gift card.

I would say if you don't want to buy off the registry then get them a gift card to one of the places or find something generic and include a gift receipt.  When my brother and sister in law got married, they didn't register for anything we could afford and I didn't want to buy them one illow or anything like that and we were paying over $1000 to be in and at their wedding.  I went to Pottery Barn and found a really nice silver picture frame and gave them that.  It wasn't on their registry but was one of the places where they did register and gave them a gift receipt so they could return or exchange it if they wanted for something they did register for with it.  It turns out, they loved it for their wedding pictures and asked where I got it b/c they wanted to go back for more.

If you purchase something from Bed Bath & Beyond you can always call the Macy's registry number and have them take the item off of the list...just say you 'forgot' to have them remove it when you purchased it. I don't think they'll accost you for your credit card number or reciept to prove it.  All you'll need is their registry number and names, I think.

Wow, this is a far cry from what I did for my wedding.  I agree with Lisa, don't put stuff on you can't afford.  I registered at Target and Kohls, for pete's sake.

A $1500 coffee machine.

 
What in world does a $1500 coffee maker do?  [8|]

I actually enjoyed getting gifts that weren't on my registry.  I say get them something nice that isn't on their registry that is in your price range.

I also enjoyed getting gifts that weren't on my registry.  The best gift we got wasn't something from a store, my husband's aunt made us home made dish towels and wash cloths.  I don't use them at all I have them placed up in the kitchen and bathroom for decorations.

I know when I got married I was annoyed when someone bought me something not on my registry. 

I think registries are fine for certain things like china pattern, crystal etc. or maybe for quests who don't know you well (why are they even invited?). But generally I find them a little presumptuous. I don't like the idea of listing what you 'want' or "you can buy anything from this lsit". So what if the towels don't match your bathroom? God lord, I have more mismatched towels and linens than you can shake a stick at. They still do the job. A nice bowl, is a nice bowl. Maybe it's not what you would pick out, but isn't it the thought that counts? I would much rather recieve a gift that someone thought was special than something they simply picked off a list I made up. Give me a gift from the heart anyday (good, bad or ugly) and I'll LOVE IT!
Maybe I'm weird?