Why do I always do this to myself

    • Gold Top Dog

    Why do I always do this to myself

    First off, I really just want to explode and vent.  I don't WANT advice (although I'm sure some people will take it upon themselves to give it anyway), I just want to vent.
     
    I broke up with the BF a few days ago, and I was mad (not really about the breakup...just mad), so I went over to my friend Craig's place (he was home for the weekend) and did something that I just don't do.  I drank.  A lot.
     
    I was too drunk to drive home, so I stayed over there.  When I woke up, sober, but hungover (#2 reason why I don't drink), I went home, and, still angry, sat down to write an e-mail.  An e-mail I sent to Adam.  I don't know WHY I did it, I just did.  Of course, I immediately regretted it.
     
    So, now, we're not talking...I think.  I don't know if he's just being Adam and he's too busy to speak, or if he's mad at me (He's pretty passive aggressive).  So all I'm doing now is panicking and worrying and fretting and wondering WTF is wrong with me that I'd go and do something like this.
     
    I ruin EVERYTHING good in my life.  I swear.  I want to take it back, but I can't.  Oh what I wouldn't give to have John Coffey around right now.
    • Gold Top Dog
    yuck,,, you'll get past it,,, we all do,,, vent away
    • Gold Top Dog
    sorry to hear that...
    I am wondering though what you might have said that would make Adam mad.  If I remember correctly, the things you wanted to say to him probably wouldn't have made him not talk to you.  Boys are yuck-sometimes [:)]
     
     
    • Gold Top Dog
    I don't know WHY I did it, I just did.

     
    You did it because not doing it was driving you crazy.  So, it's done and maybe it wasn't done the way you'd have done it if you had 2 or 3 more years to plan it (sorry, but I couldn't resist), but it's done.  Take a breath, quit beating yourself up, and find something else to focus on for awhile.  You might be surprised to find that Adam is just trying to adjust to the information and will be in touch.  If not, and the relationship was that fragile, then better to find out now than keep torturing yourself. 
    p.s.  Although I don't encourage getting drunk, again, cut yourself some slack and give yourself credit for being responsible enough not to drive home.
    • Gold Top Dog
    I'm just miserable...I don't know what to do.  I just feel so screwed up inside, I'm nauseous, and I can't get my mind on anything else
    • Gold Top Dog
    Is Adam the ex or the online friend? If he's the ex,then who cares,you've broken up....

    I ruin EVERYTHING good in my life.  I swear.


    This is something you need to resolve and figure out why you do it??
    • Gold Top Dog
    Adam would be the online guy.  I've managed to chill out a little, but my nausea is still there.
    • Gold Top Dog
    What did you say to Adam? Has he replied yet?
    • Gold Top Dog
    He hasn't talked to me in three days.  I was talking about his girlfriend (the girl he dates...and then dumps...and then dates...and then dumps again), and asked him why he keeps doing this to himself (HE asked), and so I told him.
     
    So, he hasn't said one word to me in three days, I feel absolutely sick, his birthday is tomorrow, and...I just don't know what's up with him
    • Gold Top Dog
    You could always write another e-mail, apologizing, telling him you had a very bad day.......which you basically did, being hung over is ....yuck......[8D]
     
    If he is a decent guy he will read it with an open mind[;)]
    • Gold Top Dog
    We're ok now ^_^  I feel sooooo much better (the very moment he poked me all the worry just went WHOOSH! out the door).
     
    I'm uploading his birthday present as we speak, and tomorrow he will be getting a birthday phonecall
    • Gold Top Dog
    [sm=wink2.gif]glad to hear everything is good again. green mile was on tv tonight, is that the john coffey you were talking about?
    • Gold Top Dog
    Good luck Xeph. Hope everthing goes good for you.
    • Gold Top Dog

    ORIGINAL: Xeph

    I'm uploading his birthday present as we speak, and tomorrow he will be getting a birthday phonecall


    Uploading his birthday present? [:-] If that's what I think it is, doesn't he have a girlfriend? If it's not what I think, then I'll just go get my mind out of the gutter. [;)]
    • Gold Top Dog
    glad i wasn't the only one in the gutter[;)]