A 'gay' couple question?

I don't have an answer ... but Davis is an extremely diverse community and we know both lesbian couples where both women look like normal feminine women and gay couples where both men look  like normal masculine men. And we also know couples that fit your description, so I don't think it's a rule  that in either case one has to look like the "husband" or look like the "wife." Sometimes it just turns out that way.
 
Joyce

They arent attracted to females and yet they are almost always very feminine.

In my experience with the gay male friends I have had, this is NOT necessarily accurate.  I actually know quite a few men that are gay, yet not feminine or flamboyant in the least and many of them could easily pass for straight.

  Same with women, not all lesbian couples have one that is more “feminine” and a more “butch”.  Also, not all lesbians “dislike” men in fact for many they just “prefer” to be with women.

  I actually view sexuality as a “scale” with very few people actually falling at one end or the other and  I think most of us are more toward the middle area.

  I can#%92t fully answer your questions because I am not gay, but dh and I both spend a lot of time in the gay communities in our city since the cultural aspects are far better than anywhere else in our county. I also have had multiple gay friends throughout my life and am an annual participant in our cities pride parade. 

  I think there are a lot of misconceptions out there regarding those leading alternate lifestyles so I had to post on what I believe are a few of them…   

sorry..my responce posted twice!![]

 

  

so I don't think it's a rule that in either case one has to look like the "husband" or look like the "wife."

Oh no,i agree.  I'm not trying to put a steriotype on gay people.

Edie: "I gues my burning Q is, they are not attracted to men,but why try and look like one?"
 
Well, being a straight female, I'm not attracted to other women, but I sure try my best to look like one! []
 
That is an interesting question, though. It's almost impossible to generalize, as not everyone fits into one catagory or stereotype. What you mention observing is robably artly due ersonal style and part social expectations. Lesbians are often portrayed as extremely feminine women (so many men's pornographic fantasy) or extremely masculine. Gay men are almost always portrayed in the media as being very stylish and feminine. Homosexuals may lean slightly towards one style (masculity or femininity) & be "encouraged" by society  to go towards a more extreme version.
 
Again, it's hard to make such broad generalizations. The above are just speculations from the outside circle. I'd be interested to hear what others think. 

In my experience, most "butch" lesbians I have known over the years choose to look that way because they can.  A fair number of lesbians, particularly butch lesbians, are feminists who don't buy into the idea that women have to put on their lipstick and their heels and make themselves look attractive to men.  These women (at least the ones I have known/do know) don't have any interest in looking or acting the way anyone thinks they should, and as an added bonus men are pretty likely to leave them alone. 
 
I have known and do know many mixes of gay couples, both men and women, and they don't always fall into the "man" and "wife" stereotype.  Some do, but then most of the straight couples I know fall into stereotypes, too.  The problem with this couple thing - man and woman, gay or straight - is that everything has been done before and NOTHING is still original. 
 
Kate

This is an interesting topic.  Last nite was the company Holiday party for DH's company.  There were three lesbian couples there.  One couple, both women are EXTREMELY butch, for lack of a better word, right down to the men's haircuts and tats.  And one of these gals has a daughter who I honestly have some concerns about since she doesn't have a real female role model.  And, lets be clear, when I am HOME, I am usually braless and barefoot and don't do a danged thing to "beautify" myself.  Days can go by without the first drop of makeup (when I actually get to stay home for days), but for ME, the bottom line is that when I go out in public, I'll at least comb my hair and put on jeans that don't have enough holes in them to start a riot.  I am a woman and I LIKE looking like one.  But, if I'm out of something and must run to the grocery, well, I'll throw on a hat and sunglasses so I don't scare small children, but unlike my Mom's generation I don't feel the need to do the hair, face and clothing before I run up to buy baking soda.  But I do have to wonder about a young girl who is living in a home where both women take such pains to not look even remotely like a female and in fact seem to take GREAT pains to look like men.
 
 Another couple are both ultra feminine....they are lovely women and like to look like women.  And the third, clearly defined "male" and "female" appearance.
 
So, aside from my little personal rant, there we have three lesbian couples, with three clearly different views on how they "should" look.  I can't speak to the men, but, gosh, don't all women have some pretty firm ideas on how we are "supposed to look"?

when I am HOME, I am usually braless and barefoot and don't do a danged thing to "beautify" myself.

 
Same here. I burned my bra back in the 60's.[]
 
I've also had several friends and aquaintances of a variety of lifestyles. And just to totally ruin a stereotype, my mom was straight, wore make-up and nice clothes, the typical pretty female look. And she he had more backbone than most guys I have known. At 5' 7" she could tower of anyone, no matter how tall they were.
 
As for the butch look, some of it might be role-play, or political, or a reflection of their feelings, and some of it might just be convenience. Short hair is a breeze to manage. Male clothing is comfortable and practical. And some women just aren't going to take any crap.
 
That being said, yes there is some stereotypical behavior that can be observed and I've seen a few gay and lesbian comedians make fun of that, too.
 
For me, I'm married to a woman and like it that way. Outside of that, I don't care what someone else does.

sorry but these are blantant stereotypes.  There is as much difference/variation in the gay community as the straight community. 

Which is exactly what I tried to show in my post with the three different couples.

And another point in favor of the butch look--it makes it a hell of a lot easier to get dates. We're talking about a somewhat limited population of women, after all, who are physically no different from straight women. A number of gay "trends"--rainbow jewelry, single earrings, short hair on women, certain hairstyles on men--double as cues, subtle or otherwise, to potential dates (or friends, for that matter).
At least, that's part of why my hair's so short. I love me some skirts and stockings, and I definitely can't walk around braless--I look a lot more femme than butch, most days (personally, I think I just look like "me"), so having something that "marks me" makes it easier to get dates outside of, you know, gay bars. Also, it's incredibly low-maintenance, and when I put on a suit it looks professional. Talk about a win-win!

There is as much difference/variation in the gay community as the straight community.

I have to agree with you there   I live in west hollywood (gay mecca as my gay friends call it) and the community is just as diverse as anywhere else I've lived.  The steriotype described exists, but is by no means the most prevalent.

There's as many "ways to be gay" as there are gay people on the planet. Imagine always being classified by your sexuality and nothing else. What a bummer.
 
As with many minorities, it's only the people on the extremes that are readily visible. All the rest look like "everyone else" and so you don't notice they're there. The owners of the Evil Shelties of Yappiness across the street from us are a lesbian couple, but I only know that because they are two women who own a home together and live together. And own dogs together, and it's actually the dogs that I think of when I think of them, because I pretty much loathe the dogs [].

Well, I think there are two separate issues in your question, sexuality (how a person is sexually attracted to others) and gender identity (how a person feels or identifies him/herself)... I think there are not two or four combinations of those aspects but many... gender studies is a pretty large area of study and I think it's hard to outline in a sentence or two but it is an interesting field if you feel like reading up on it.
 
By the way, shouldn't this be moved to NDR?[]