Again, no "dating company" but I met David online thru a chat room 11 years ago and we'll celebrate 10 years married on March 8.
You're seeing a common theme that is important. The problem with dating services (either in person ones or online ones) is that it's like everyone has an 'agenda' -- they want to be "in a relationship" so badly that often they major in trying to impress or say what they think "should be" said or what they think someone else WANTS said that no real truth comes out.
When I used to talk in a chatroom (and Worlds Chat was just that ... nothing specific or no common basis) my first real test once I'd started a conversation with someone was my "3 good things" game. It was essentially a spoof of Martha Stewart (way back before anyone laughed at her *smile*) but I would simply say "Ok -- let's play 3 Good Things" -- I'm gonna tell you 3 things *I* think are good and you reply with 3 YOU think are good".
My three usually were something like: I like my dogs, I like Hagen Daz coffee ice cream and I like "Bobby's World" morning cartoon.
Then he says "Football, baseball and basketball".
Ok. .... this is not a match made in Heaven and I probably will have nothing in common with this guy past the next two sentences. I hate sports. ALL his first 3 were sports. He may be a nice guy but we're not gonna have much to talk about.
But often they'd say something like "Romantic walks on the beach, a good coffee bar, and my Porsche"
Whatever -- by the time you've gone back and forth with that 5-10 times you have more than a pretty good idea about each other -- it was amazing to me how quickly I could sort out someone who could only talk about themself, or someone who simply said things to impress (and they just couldn't come up with anything TO say after the first 3 things), or it was "all about them" or maybe they were a truely interesting person.
But it always gave a jumping off point of something TO talk about.
But you asked about the 'good, bad and the ugly" -- I can tell you big huge things to beware of:
1. Someone who only wants to talk at specific times -- THEY want to always be the one to initiate contact, THEY are only around between 7-9 on Wednesdays, etc -- essentially that can be someone who is actually married whose wife goes to Weight Watchers or church or bowls or works that one specific evening.
IF they truly don't have much 'time' but IF they want to talk to you then they *can* make the effort, so either you aren't important enought o MAKE the effort or they may be hiding something.
It's all about communicating -- and sometimes people just aren't comfortable really letting someone get to know *them* or they only allow themselves to connect a certain amount.
I have met many online friends over the years -- but you have to get to know the person well enough to see them in the full range of human emotions -- sad, glad, tired, stressed, elated, a bad day with the boss, a great day of pursuing a hobby, crappy weather, great weather --
If someone always presents the same front -- if they are always sweet, polite, and all their questions are aimed at finding out about YOU but you never really get to meaningful revelations about them -- BEWARE.
If they've always had a crappy day, are always a big negative, and never really dip into YOU -- BEWARE.
Are they more quiet at times than others? Can you pick up just from their words if they've had a good/bad day? That's more reality than the guy who ... after the 3rd conversation begins to sound like a tape recording of himself -- either they really ARE that boring, or self-absorbed, or self-protective that they won't let you see the 'real' them (in which case it's time to ditch them anyway) OR they are masquerading and it's all a front either to get your sympathy or to get you 'hooked' and dependant on them.
It's great if someone is 'fun to talk to' ALL the time -- but NO one is fun to talk to ALL the time -- it's not real.
In short -- one of the big positives about chatting with someone online before you 'meet' them is you can think thru their responses to you and yours to them before you both get dazzled (or put off) by the physical.
Physical doesn't always mean sexual chemistry or eww-he's-too-bald or she's-too-fat. Physical can mean 'in person' -- i.e., your first three dates he's taken you to a great restaurant, spent lots of money but it then takes you 6 months investment into a 'real' relationship to find out that the guy is a pathological liar and he's in hock up to his eyeballs because he's ALWAYS putting on a front. But had you really "listened" (or read with your brain intact rather than just accepting everything at face value) you would have known by his written responses that he had a lot of spendable income and 'things' for someone who was a ______ by trade/profession.
Do they just want a 'relationship' (i.e., something to 'do') or are they truly interested in a 2-way honest-to-Pete "I really LIKE you and want to spend time with YOU" type of relationship.
Somehow it was a lot easier for me to see in print in FRONT of my eyes when everyone's topics of conversation only included 2 things rather than that being disguised by the "things we did" or the physical. I made all THOSE mistakes with my first 'real life' romance that resulted in marriage. It never occurred to me then how much a fell for the "I'm a really nice guy, but oh I NEED YOU SO BADLY" schtick which was really a euphemism for "I want someone to take care of me because it's easier than doing it myself".
But you have to have balance -- it's really easy for someone to pull the wool over your eyes if the relationship, after a brief beginning, never proceeds to it's logical path -- i.e., after a time or two 'chatting' online it's natural to want to speak on the phone. Then maybe to meet in person. But you should still feel easy and natural emailing or chatting with them online AS WELL AS in person. It should be a "I feel like I've known you forever" feeling rather than "wow, is this the same person I chatted with?"
I had a friend online once who 'dated' via chat someone 3,000 miles away (one lived in Nova Scotia and the other in Seattle). Both gay women (which is germaine to know in this case) -- but they had this really intense relationship that psanned over a year. Eventually there was talk of moving in together, but I discovered after talking to one that they'd left out a whole bunch of steps! Not only had they not 'met' in person -- but they'd never 'spoken' NOR had they even sent each other things in the mail.
That was incomprehensible to me -- one of the first things David and I did (and he was in England at the time!!! and me in Florida) was to switch snail mail addresses and we sent each other cards -- but there was a HUGE desire to have something in MY hands that he'd touched and he felt the same way. WE also talked on the phone (no matter that it broke the bank -- I wanted to hear his voice!! and he mine!).
But these two women hadn't done ANY of that. They went all the way to "I've sold everything in my apartment and I"ve got the truck loaded and I"ll be there Saturday". Except the one finally initiated a chat and said "Oh, before I leave there is something MAYBE I ought to tell you."
My friend was devastated. Her love wasn't a 23 year old 5'7 black-haired woman. HE was 43, balding and had a SON older than she was. But he was so confident of "his love for her" that he was convinced that it ought not matter to her that he was male but that she'd be so "in love" with him that he actually thought he could change her sexual preference.
She missed that vital "step" to hear the voice and see the handwriting that would have exposed the lie. Instead she bought all the excuses "oh we don't need to waste money on what is simply pandering to externals".
You can meet nutcases and jerks both online and at your local pub or coffee bar. Learning to minimize your own risk and hear "reality" rather than only hearing/seeing what you WANT to be there is kind of the whole trick to relationships I guess.
Sorry -- this got long. I met David after the WORST divorce (my ex stalked me for months), but part of my whole 'deal' was I realized I'd made a colossal mistake the first time around due mostly to my own mistakes in what I thought I could believe vs. what I should have SEEN with my own "itty bitty eye".
To this day David and I are as comfortable with email as the phone as regular pillow-talk. WE both work long days and communicate almost exclusively by email during the day -- shoot, we'll even copy ourselves "at home" with what we've said to each other to help remind each other to 'do' things. Or just to pen a sweet missive to the other to 'say' something loving or cutsie. But I learned to listen TO him and he TO me and I guess that was the important thing.
Every **thing** everyone said is wisdom -- it's obvious it's lessons learned from each.