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You know you're from Texas when ...

ron2

Posted : 8/30/2006 6:28:53 PM

I was born in California but we moved to Texas in 1974. So, allow me...

You know you're from Texas when ...

It's over 100 F for days or weeks and you just call it August.
Any social function must have beer, barbecue, and a country band. Where my wife grew up, it was the previous three, plus Bluebell Ice Cream.
You drink a soda.
you think anyone north of the Red River is a yankee.
When April through May is tornado season.
Though Chicago may be the Windy City, you know Texas is the Windy State.
You ain't somebody unless you have a 4 X 4 Crew Cab Duallie that gets 4 gallons to the mile. Even if you don't actually tow anything with it. And if you do, you can't drive under 80 mph.
You cringe when someone has a sharp twang in their fake Texas accent. It's more subtle than that and more importantly, the speech is slower, rather than affected by mispronunciations.
You greet people with "Howdy" and that's all that's necessary.
You know the Longhorns are the best, they just have not so successful seasons.
You've heard of Aggieland and Aggie Money and you know that book of jokes about Aggies are published by the Texas A & M Press.
You or someone you know has at least one horse.
You know at least a few words of spanish.
You have used the phrase "fixin' to" which means preparing to do something.
The last piece of deer summer sausage is worth getting in a fight over.
Labradors are everywhere. And Lab mixes.
You have a poker game (Texas Hold'em)
You have a dance (Texas Two Step)
You have some of the world's best barbecue (Sonny Bryant's)
You have Lake Texoma, third largest man-made lake. (Where, BTW, the state record catfish was caught with surf rod from where I usually fish in Hagarman Wildlife Preserve. 121 lbs!)
Don't forget Houston, seminal place of that little old' band, ZZ Top.
Dallas, home of the Dallas Cowboys, my favorite team since 1969, despite all of their troubles.

And, of course, you have the i-doggers that live here.

ron2

Posted : 9/1/2006 2:28:53 PM

Since the other texans on this forum didn't add to it, I thought I would bring it up again, so they might have another chance.

boneyjean

Posted : 9/1/2006 6:08:35 PM

You say hey y'all and people ask if you are from Texas....duh, we are IN Texas!

You go to Billy Bob's to line dance.

You have just the right mix of cowboys and divas in one room.

You think it's really getting colder when it's 60 degrees outside.

ron2

Posted : 9/1/2006 6:36:30 PM

You go to Billy Bob's to line dance.

I can't remember if it or Gilley's is the largest honky-tonk in the world.

thedoc617

Posted : 9/2/2006 10:38:09 AM

I'm an "Implanted Texan" from up north. I am origionally from Upstate NY and I had a thing or two to learn when I came down here:

What Yankees should Know before Comming to TX (some are repeats of above)

1. Don't order a steak at a Waffle House. They serve breakfast 24 hours a day. Let them cook something they know.

2. Don't laugh at folk's names. Merleen, Bodie, Luther Ray, Tammy, Mari Beth, Marva, Edna Earl and Inez have been known to whip a man's ass for less than that.

3. Don't order a bottle of pop or a can of soda; this can lead to a beating. Down here it's called Coke, even if you want a Pepsi, Sprite or Dr. Pepper. Got it?

4. Southern women don't fancy the smart mouth Yankees. Just remember, they all have Big brothers and Bigger daddies.

5. Don't show allegiances to any other school football team but the Longhorns. All the others are a bunch of candy asses who play Wyoming every other week.

6. Don't call us a bunch of hillbillies. Most of us are better educated than you and a whole lot nicer to boot! We just talk that way to piss you off.

7. Yes, we know the humidity is high; just quit your bitching, spend your money and go home.

8. No, the state symbol of Texas is not the orange and white highway barrel. This road construction is ticking us off too.

9. Don't go to the Cracker Barrel and substitute toast for the biscuits. If you do this, everyone will know that you're from Nebraska. Just eat the biscuits like GOD meant for you to do. And do not order poached eggs. No one from the south eats eggs poached.

10. Don't try to talk with a southern accent if you don't have one or use regional idioms you can't possibly understand. Nothing makes us madder.

11. Don't be telling everybody how much better it was back home. We're not going to change to make you happy. So if you don't like it here, Delta is ready when you are.

12. Our food isn't overcooked; yours is undercooked.

13. Down here, "Kiss my ass" is a perfectly acceptable way to close an argument. You can't get more closure than that!

14. Flirting is a southern tradition. It doesn't mean you're going home with someone later. It doesn't mean the person flirting with you is even interested. It's all just practice.

15. Take your hat off when you say the words "Tom Landry".

ron2

Posted : 9/2/2006 1:46:12 PM

Take your hat off when you say the words "Tom Landry".

Amen to that. And Jerry Jones will be going to Hades for firing him.