Dog Community

no more babies for me

Meg

Posted : 8/24/2006 3:29:53 PM

Quick background-I'm 26, and have 4 children ages 7, 6, 4, and 1.(note:I know it sounds like a lot to handle, but I am a stay ay home mom, and love my job...oh, and fwiw, we support them with out government/public assistance) I had my tubes tied after the fourth because of pregnancy related health problems that occur when I carry. Though I would have liked to maybe have one or 2 more down the line, carrying a pregnancy to term in this body was not an option[

].
I know I am lucky to have my four, considering some can't have children at all, but I have been having those baby-longing feelings again for a while now, and truely regret having the tubal ligation done-but a reversal is not an option at this point. Visiting friends with new babies is agonizing for me, as it just reminds me that I am not able to ever have that again myself. DH and I have been considering foster care, but it wouldn't be the same and while I love the idea of helping children in need, I don't believe I could handle it when I had to let the child go-I'd be too attached and it would break my heart.

We also been in contact with a couple of adoption agencies, but the odds of us getting a young child/baby aren't the best considering we already have children and there are couples waiting who have yet to have one. Besides, I wouldn't feel right taking away another person's only chance to experience motherhood. Money is also a small factor in this decision, as it costs quite a bit to go through the adoption process, and while we have plenty enough to support our family, that several thousand dollar endeaver would be pretty draining to our life savings.

So my question for the parents out there, did you ever have to deal with these feelings? What did you do about it and how did you get over it?

angelabarry

Posted : 8/24/2006 5:33:41 PM

I was 23 and had 3 children when I had my tubal. I was also a stay at home Mom and loved every minute of it.
I can so relate to your feelings of sadness! I remember feeling all these crazy feelings, like being somehow less of a woman because I could no longer have children.
All I can say, is I eventually just got over it. Probably about the time my youngest started school and I realized I actually ENJOYED having some free time!
That was also about the time the older ones started getting involved in activities, so that kept me busy too.
I know with a 1 yr old, that is some time away for you now, tho.
I guess I can only say, hang in there. It will get better.

magilacudy

Posted : 8/24/2006 5:42:16 PM

I'm 26 and my children are 4, 6 and 8. My youngest starts school this year and my husband goes in to get snipped on the 20th of next month. Does it upset me? YES. I planed on having one more and then my husband changed his mind. I accepted it (sorta) I only bring it up every few months.[&:] I really love the age that my children are at now, but it upsets me that I am done. My Aunt just had a baby and my cousin just had baby. My Aunt wanted ALL of my baby stuff and that hurt. It was very hard going through it and letting it go.

I kept very special things, but I did not want to get rid of anything. If my husband were to say to me 'lets have another" I would be right on it. But it wont happen. I have cried over it and tried to talk him into it, but he will not. Family has said just do it, because I could. But I could never do that.

What is helping me deal with it is focusing on my children now and enjoying every minute of it. I do books for them liek a diary plus baby books. I go to every field trip at school. We camp alot. It is nice in a way to I guess "move on"

So I do know what you are feeling. Hugs.

denise_m

Posted : 8/24/2006 7:00:24 PM

Wow you guys - so many kids so young. Maybe your feelings of wanting more children has to do with your age. I had my 1st child at 24 and my last at 36. Believe me, you do run out of energy! I knew after my 3rd and last that was all I wanted. Up until very recently I had absolutely no interest in babies at all. Seeing them stirred no desires what so ever. Now that I am past the age of having more children I have noticed those little feelings crawling back into my psyche. It must be lifes way of preparing me for becoming a grandmother.

Don't regret what you don't have. Cherish what you do.

fuzzy_dogs_mom

Posted : 8/24/2006 7:35:46 PM

Excellent advice, Denise. Just wait until the youngest is playing kindergarten soccer, and you're running around all day Saturday starting about 7:30 a.m. trying to cover 4 different games at 4 different age levels.[]

Joyce

luv_my_3_labs

Posted : 8/24/2006 7:53:30 PM

I had my first son at 23 and twins sons when I was 27. I had to beg the Doc to do a tubal after the twins were born because he felt I was too young. I asked him how many children he had and when he said two. I said, I rest my case. He did it. The twins graduated this June and Hubby and I are getting a Harley this coming spring. We have lots of plans to do things we never could do before because we were always standing on one sports field or other. We feel like kids again and for once the kids worry about us. [sm=devil.gif] Not once did I regret my decision.

Paula Diffenbaugh

Posted : 8/24/2006 8:46:42 PM

My kids are 13,11, and 4. There are sometimes that I wish I would have had one more so that my baby girl would have a sibling closer to her age to pal with. I honestly can say I liked having my boys closer in age than having the age difference between them and my daughter. It can make things difficult at times. Do I long for the baby days? Sure sometimes! But do I want to go back? No Way.

Joyce, I've been there and done that. One son

layed on 2 teams and the other on one. I think Ky was at her first soccer game at a week and a half old. On saturdays the poor thing lives in her car seat.

meilani

Posted : 8/24/2006 9:14:30 PM

I'm 31 and my only child is 12. Considering that I am a single mother and had to raise him on my own, I was kinda turned off from having other children. There are times when I wouldn't mind having another child and there are times when I wish I could remove my uterus and flush it down the toilet. One thing is for sure, if I decide to have another one, I have to be married and it has to be before I turn 35.

hlb118

Posted : 8/24/2006 10:32:21 PM

I have 18 weeks left or so until my last child will be here. I will be getting "fixed". Or at the very least an IUD.

My daughters are 6 and 3, so there little brother will be about the same age difference. Perfect!

cindy w.

Posted : 8/25/2006 12:14:52 AM

I have one son who is now 18, but 12 yrs ago I ended up having an unexpected hysterectomy.
We had planned on more children, but our plans were changed.

At first I greived at that fact that I couldnt have any more kids, but soon came to realize and realize even more now that God knew what he was doing.

Now I still wish I could have had more kids, but right now my son and our family have been through so much it was for the best.

Xebby

Posted : 8/25/2006 12:34:25 AM

Wow, there are so many moms here. I'm 23 and don't have any kids but I often wish I did. It's a feeling that enters my mind every now and then. By not having any kids does make me feel like I'm missing out on something. Then I think long and hard about it and end up telling myself I do not want one till I'm at least 30. I sometimes ask my Boyfriend what he thinks about it and he ignors the subeject all together, so if he's not ready then theres no reason to push it. Although, I know he would be an excelent father (but don't tell him that).

rwbeagles

Posted : 8/25/2006 7:50:10 AM

I am 31 with one girl 5 and one boy 3...I'd like one more but am waiting til the boy is fully potty trained before I REALLY start working on my hubby about it [] He doesn't want another for the man reasons...money and logistics, lol! If he still doesnt' want to then we won't....but it will take a LONG time for me to stop wanting one. Pregnancy and babyhood was a breeeze for me and I did very well at it. I often say I don't think I want another CHILD...as much as another BABY.

Paula Diffenbaugh

Posted : 8/25/2006 8:50:53 AM

Gina, I feel the same way. I loved being pregnant!! There is nothing like feeling the baby grow inside of you. I would always rub where I could feel their little butt so it would make them roll over.[sm=rofl.gif] So yeah I always kinda thought the same thing I would be pregnant again and again if it didn't mean raising more children. I sometimes thought of being a surrogate but I didn't think that I could let go once the child was born.

Also at 39 I think I am a little past my baby days.

probe1957

Posted : 8/25/2006 9:06:38 AM

ORIGINAL: meilani

One thing is for sure, if I decide to have another one, I have to be married and it has to be before I turn 35.

Well then, you better get off your butt and get to work on it. [

]

meilani

Posted : 8/25/2006 11:27:58 AM

ORIGINAL: probe1957

ORIGINAL: meilani

One thing is for sure, if I decide to have another one, I have to be married and it has to be before I turn 35.

Well then, you better get off your butt and get to work on it. []

LOL!! Well I already got the man, we're planning on getting married in a year or so but in the meantime we're busy "practicing" on baby making before we decide to actually make one. [

]