Dog Community

SPORTS MOMS - let's talk Politics!

Posted : 8/22/2006 3:33:43 PM

My story is long and complicated so I will try to pare it down to the bare facts.

My boys have bee involved in baseball since they hold a bat. I have always encouraged sports as I truly beleive it is a great way to learn "life" skills. Setting goals, teamwork, good loser, gracious winner - I could go on! I have always prided myself in not getting involved with the politics that goes on behind the scenes. I never wanted to be the mom who called the coach and yelled about my kids playing time or role on the team. I always figured the coaches knew best and of course my perspective would be bias. I had to be the ideal players mom! WELL NOT ANY MORE - NOW I"M PI$$ED!

My youngest boy, Spencer (17) played for an elite division team this year. He has always been one of the better players, very coachable and a nice respectful kid. The team was sponsered by an ex pro ball player (coached by DH) who promised all kinds of instruction and scouting opportunities etc, which he never really delivered on. I think he came out once to watch this team play! I didn't really care. My son was playing ball and having a good summer. There was one tournament left for the season. The team had a practice which the head coach (DH) was unable to attend. The expro came out to run the paractice along with the regular assitant coach. After the warm ups he started giving the boys a pep talk about giving 100% if you want to be successful. Nothing is handed to you on a silver platter - and so on. He then turned to Spencer and pointed him out as someone who was lazy, undisaplined and dragging down the team. Spencer was taken back by his unexpected and personal comments, but sat there and said nothing. Though I'm sure he was hurt and embarrassed. The expro then continued on about when he was a young palyer and what he had to sacrifice to make it to the big leagues. Again he turned to Spencer and said he would never make it because of his attitude and lack of repsect and discipline and many other personal comments. Although, Spencer should have said nothing, he was so upset at being singled out - he said "This is our last tournament and now you want to coach?"

Well needless to say the guy lost it and ordered Spence off the field. Ripped his uniform off his back and told him he would never wear that uniform again and he would tell every other coach not to put him on their team and that Spencer would never play ball again in the province if he could help it. By the time he got home Spencer was some where between livid and broken! I was sooooo angry when I heard the story. At first I truly believed Spencer had left out something. Maybe he wasn't telling me the whole story. So I called the assistant coach and he confirmed most of what Spencer had said but was a little unsure of the total discussion (which he later confirmed with the other palyers).

So what is it with these JOCKS. Do they never grow up themselves? Are they ego maniacs? I broke my rule about not getting involved and blasted the Assit coach for not standing up for his player. When DH found out he was furious and explained that he had had a few run ins with this guy over the summer and figured it had more to do with him than it did with Spencer. The old politics thing.

Anyways the reprocussions are still unknown. Spencer had been accepted into a gifted Sports Programme for grade 12 which he really wants to attend. He does however have to be playing sport at a certain level to qualify. He is now trying to catch on with another team and I am sitting on pins and needles wondering if this jerk is going to make good on his threats.

I have held my tongue for almost 15 years of being a sport mom but now I am ready for battle if need be! This jerk will feel the full fury of a sports Mom.

Thanks, that felt good to vent. Wish us luck!

fuzzy_dogs_mom

Posted : 8/22/2006 4:02:04 PM

Wow. What a crummy thing for your son to have to deal with. Being an old sports mom myself (baseball, basketball, football and soccer) I can tell you that politics really plays a big part. Some of these guys totally lose sight of the fact that they're coaching kids, not pros. They let their own egos get involved big time, and in the long run it's the kids who suffer for that. Whatever it is that sports is supposed to be teaching them goes right out the window, especially if the coach is blatantly playing favorites.

Joyce

cakana

Posted : 8/22/2006 4:22:24 PM

I truly beleive it is a great way to learn "life" skills. Setting goals, teamwork, good loser, gracious winner

....dealing with (fill in the blank) who are jerks and blame anything that goes wrong on you [:@]. Sadly, what he experienced is one of those life lessons too. I don't have kids, so I can't offer any experience or advice, but I certainly sympathize and can understand wanting to go give him a piece of your mind (or more). Somehow I believe that things like this can still offer an opportunity to learn and grow though and I hope that Spence can get on with another team and continue on with the Gifted Sports Program.

denise_m

Posted : 8/22/2006 4:35:23 PM

Thanks guys. I agree with this being another good lesson. I already talked with Spencer right afterwards and explained that when you feel that you are being unfairly criticized by your superiors you have to make a tough choice. You can either defend your character or keep quiet. You have to realize the consequences of your decision and make a determination if the price is worth the action. Spencer confirmed that being kicked off the team was worth defending himself in this instance. When all the reprocussions are realized he might change his mind.

hdkutz

Posted : 8/22/2006 4:45:23 PM

Let me first say the assistant coach is a whimp and shouldn`t hold the position. I`ve coached football and wrestling on both the youth level and Jr High and more time than not what goes home isn`t what was said or happened. I would totally let DH handle it. I don`t care if Mr Jock sponsors the team or not on my teams if you want to coach you commit to the year. Not guest appearances. If the head coach is gone the everyday assistant is in charge.

marty_ga

Posted : 8/22/2006 4:47:44 PM

Oh dang...I totally dislike the type of person who thinks they are going to make a talented person even better by making them feel worse. And I would not tolerate it. My son was at talented musician, and to find qualified instruction for him we had to go to a professor at a major university 2 hours away, once a week. I noticed my son getting reluctant to practice and when I asked, he said that no matter how hard he practiced, it wasn't good enough. Then came the day when the prof didn't show up, and my many calls did not get returned. That is not my idea of good teaching skills for a 17 yr old. And I know there is a scar left behind...the sax is dusty now...

Paula Diffenbaugh

Posted : 8/22/2006 5:03:58 PM

At 17 years old I would be grateful if that is all my son said. Feel proud that he was able to retain enough composure to only give that one comment before leaving the field. As for the loser who spoke to him like that well I would be turning him in to whatever league or organization the team plays in. He would be the one never coaching again. No one needs his backing enough to deal with that. I am not the mom who runs her mouth the entire game as some are. However, you let something that happens that involve one of my boys and I don't see the coach or asst. coach doing something about it. I will be all up in someones face. I can not stand these men who want to coach and live out some sort of victory fantasy. No offense I-dog guys, I know that none of you are like that! [

]

glenmar

Posted : 8/22/2006 5:16:20 PM

Wait, this guy is just the sponsor, right? So he has no more say about the team than the local bar that sponsors a team. I'd absolutely be on the phone with the League President and making some major noise about this jack butt. If he PHYSICALLY ripped your sons uniform off his body, he committed ASSAULT and legal action could be threatened.

We coached, long after our kids were grown and gone, because DH loves the game and loves working with the kids. We never even had a sponsor show for a game, forget for a practice! This guy needs to be reported. Now.

Aina

Posted : 8/22/2006 5:16:24 PM

I think I would have said a lot more than that if my coach was acting like that, and I am normally quiet. I think he acted a lot better than the jock jerk. I mean, ONE comment and he's kicked off the team? The jock jerk guy was totoally overreacting.

denise_m

Posted : 8/22/2006 6:48:37 PM

Well I guess sponsor isn't the correct term although that is what he is called within the league. He is more accurately the "owner". There are a number of teams (different ages) that operate under his name and he represents the teams within the organization.
Anyways he does have a reputation as far as his business is concerned. He owns a sport facility that individuals and teams rent for indoor practice and training. His proball status is a big draw for kids looking to aquire scholarships etc. So I figure if push comes to shove he has more to loose than Spencer does.

Marty, that is really a shame your son had to meet up with that jerk! I hate to see kids with talent and potenial negatively impacted by grown ups who should know better. This happens all the time, especially in high school when a little extra encouragment or mentoring could make a huge different in someones future.

Paula, thanks for the compliment. Spencer is a good kid and definately does not have attitude or a smart mouth. Growing up with older brothers (5yrs+) he has always been mature beyond his years. I think at times (this could have been one) people are surprised by his reaction to their 'bully' tactics. He does not roll over and submitt to what he preceives as injustice. Yet he has no problem apologizing when he knows he has made an mistake. I know he got knocked down, but he'll rebound.

Paula Diffenbaugh

Posted : 8/22/2006 8:42:14 PM

You are very welcome. I know that had tobe a very hard situation for Spencer to be in and only good upbringing kept him from going off the deep end. I agree with Glenda no one has the right to lay a hand on your son and rip his shirt off. With a whole team watching I would say that you definately have many options to persue here.

My son plays club soccer so I understand exactly what this mans role is here. Well, he needs to be taught that his "name" and position does not allow him the right to treat kids like that. Your son doesn't need him anyway there are many other ways to get scholarships. I hope that you will report him and keep your son involved with following through and defending his rights.

[:@] OOh this kind of thing just infuriates me.

I hope that Spencer finds another team and shows him that he will not be kept down by such an evil man.

cyclefiend2000

Posted : 8/22/2006 8:50:32 PM

FWIW: i would be proud of my son/daughter if they stood up for themselves even if it meant being kicked off the team. to me that shows he has character and is courageous.

i hope things work out well with your son's acceptance to the gifted sports program. [

]

probe1957

Posted : 8/23/2006 11:08:37 AM

Wow. I coached little league and pony league baseball for 10 years and I have never heard of anything like that. The first thing that went through my mind, as I read your story is, there is more to it than you know. Maybe the kid was goofing off and not putting out during warm ups? Who knows?

The main problem I have with this guy's reaction is he isn't even the coach. I mean, look at Bobby Knight. Certainly successful, but some people would call him abusive. However, he was the coach. If a kid or his parent's didn't like Bobby's style of coaching, the kid should play somewhere else.

Maybe Spencer had an a$$ chewing coming, although it doesn't sound like he did, but, let's assume he had one coming. When you're 17, and involved in sports, you have had your butt chewed by coaches before. That isn't a big deal, in and of itself, but this guy's actions, in tearing his uniform, especially, were indefensible. IF SPENCER AGREES, I would report him to the league president.

meilani

Posted : 8/23/2006 1:06:44 PM

He ripped Spencers uniform shirt off?!! That's totally uncalled for. This guy went too far. I wonder if the other kids spoke to their parents about this and I wonder how they feel about this situation.

denise_m

Posted : 8/23/2006 1:19:54 PM

"MAYBE SPENCER HAD AN A$$ CHEWING COMIING..."

Billy, you know maybe he did. My DH has coached kids for 20 years and it's generally a thankless job. There are always problems and issues with the players and parents not to mention the league. He's coached lots of kids he really personally disliked and had some really obnoxious parents. You certainly need a certain personality and love of the sport to coach that long. I must say though he has NEVER humiliated one of his players. He has sent players home, benched them and suspended them over the years. Even cut one. But he has never gone off on them infront of other players or in public. If he has a problem he either takes the kid aside or speaks with them on the phone later. Unfortunately not all coaches are like that. Over the years I have been witness to some pretty outragious physical and verbal abuse by coaches. To be a sucessful coach who must have the respect of your players. They don't have to agree with your decisions , but they have to respect them. It just really burns me when the game becomes all about the coach and not about the kids!