Don't you want a....

Glenda I feel you...I do...but it's a bit more difficult to NOT wince when you hear things about certain topics.
 
It really depends how personally invested in something you are I will freely admit that. For some hearing similar things said about people who worship God vs those that don't would make them wince...not me as it's not really something I care about. For others it's about people who eat meat vs those that don't. Etc
 
If there are emotions and feelings and passion involved...'general' statements are extremely hard to take "generally"..because after all, tho we all chat quite a bit everyday, aside from some, we aren't as close as a best friend or family member or spouse might be....so how do I know really, that you AREN'T referring to me in the general statement? there's always that tiny bit of doubt, as you nod in agreement "wait a sec...do you think they meant ME?" lol...
 
I can surely surely sympathize with the original point of this thread which was about people on the outside asking things of you that you are not ready for or interested in pursuing. I pointed out that it is often one thing then another, then another with those nosey folks...that's just how life is.
 
I come back a day or so later and find that it's really kinda gotten a bit more of an edge to it and some posts are just kinda mean. I felt the need to say that I noticed this, and that is offensive to me, which I am also free to express.
 
I think I said early on in this thread that I did not ever picture myself with kids because I didn't care for them and it wasn't my bag...I didn't go into details about how and why I didn't like them because I have them now, I've changed, my "annoyance filter" has changed,...and hell I might offend someone who is maybe dealing with raising a difficult child (that is TOUGH), or somoene who is having doubts about themselves as a parent (we all do sometimes)...and not even know it. I thought I came up with a pretty good way to spare folks having to read kid related stuff...I think it'll work great...lol. While I'd appreciate the same in return for unkind kid threads or rants I cannot require or demand it...my temper got the better of me, and I apologize to ALL for that. But I did put it out there...maybe someone will consider it...maybe not...*shrug*

Wow . . . . I posted earlier and just read through this whole thing again and "wow" is all I can say.
 
I don't have that maternal instinct either, at least not yet, but I would never ridicule children the way I have seen it in here. I have seen some very misbehaved children and while I am repulsed by their behavior, I am ten times more disgusted and disappointed in the parents that allow that to go on.
 
That being said, yes, all children throw tantrums. I can understand some of what the OP is saying about how she doesn't have the patience for kids because I don't have the patience either. However, there have been comments on here that I feel have gone too far. It's fine if you don't ever want to have children. It's fine if you feel no maternal instinct at all. It's fine that you chose here to come and voice your frustrations, but at the same time, I would think we should all main respectful and courteous of each other. Saying that you don't like kids and don't want them is one thing, but saying you would backhand a child or be the next baby killer is another. I know the OP didn't mean it literally and said she didn't, but I doubt the mothers on here would take it that lightly. I wouldn't take it lightly if someone joked about killing dogs just because they didn't like them. I would not see the humor in that at all.

sillysally....I can only try...and I am really trying, to get a handle on what the OP and yourself and the others are going thru...I have no frame of reference simply because as a younger woman my Mother and family simply thought hell might freeze over sooner than myself be "with child" lmao...it wasn't even brought up or even slightly hinted at....ever. Just wasnt gonna happen...now school, relationships, jobs, there was pressure there for sure.
 
But I will admit I can probably never be truly understanding of it because I do have kids...but for my part I will avoid in future making you and others feel uncomfortable about venting or posting on this subject, because it's not for me to judge, it is for me to shut up and maybe learn something...[]...There's my olive branch...
 
Jaime I think it's the full moon, the heat, and the end of summer vacation (at least for me!)!

Ahhh, Gina, haven't you been around here long enough to know that I don't beat around the bush?  I honestly wasn't thinking of anyone's children on HERE regardless of what they say they do or don't allow......
 
It's those real life in my face kids that I truely want to hide from......or turn over my knee when the run full force into me with a full grocery cart because mom thinks it's cute to let them push the cart and then doesn't bother to supervise.  And, I am NOT a spanker.
 
But, yes I can understand, from a parents point of view why some of the things said here could be hurtful.  And I apologize for anything I might have said that made moms feel defensive.

ORIGINAL: rwbeagles

Glenda I feel you...I do...but it's a bit more difficult to NOT wince when you hear things about certain topics.
 
It really depends how personally invested in something you are I will freely admit that. For some hearing similar things said about people who worship God vs those that don't would make them wince...not me as it's not really something I care about. For others it's about people who eat meat vs those that don't. Etc
 
If there are emotions and feelings and passion involved...'general' statements are extremely hard to take "generally"..because after all, tho we all chat quite a bit everyday, aside from some, we aren't as close as a best friend or family member or spouse might be....so how do I know really, that you AREN'T referring to me in the general statement? there's always that tiny bit of doubt, as you nod in agreement "wait a sec...do you think they meant ME?" lol...
 
I can surely surely sympathize with the original point of this thread which was about people on the outside asking things of you that you are not ready for or interested in pursuing. I pointed out that it is often one thing then another, then another with those nosey folks...that's just how life is.
 
I come back a day or so later and find that it's really kinda gotten a bit more of an edge to it and some posts are just kinda mean. I felt the need to say that I noticed this, and that is offensive to me, which I am also free to express.
 
I think I said early on in this thread that I did not ever picture myself with kids because I didn't care for them and it wasn't my bag...I didn't go into details about how and why I didn't like them because I have them now, I've changed, my "annoyance filter" has changed,...and hell I might offend someone who is maybe dealing with raising a difficult child (that is TOUGH), or somoene who is having doubts about themselves as a parent (we all do sometimes)...and not even know it. I thought I came up with a pretty good way to spare folks having to read kid related stuff...I think it'll work great...lol. While I'd appreciate the same in return for unkind kid threads or rants I cannot require or demand it...my temper got the better of me, and I apologize to ALL for that. But I did put it out there...maybe someone will consider it...maybe not...*shrug*

 
Very well said. I agree with you entirely. Especially the last paragraph.

Sara, next time someone asks you a totally personal and inappropriate question (and those you mentioned certainly fall into that category IMO) just look them right in the eye and say "Whyever would you want to know something like that?"[] BTW, because someones parents want grandchildren has to be one of the stupidest reasons on the planet to have kids.

Joyce

Well, I used to want a family.  I used to want 4 kids, but something changed and I just can't stand them.  I'm sorry if that offends people, but that's the way it is.  It is something that has been eating at me ever since I discovered this about myself.  I was always expected to have kids and I went into my marriage wanting to have kids.  I just have no desire to even be around them anymore.  I even had a heart to heart with my husband when I discovered this and told him that if he wanted kids, I didn't think that we should remain married, because I didn't want to ruin his chances of having them.  I have lost sleep over it and had bad dreams over it.  My mother doesn't know anything about it, because if she did she would be SO disappointed, as I know she wants a grandchild.  Sometimes I wish I was infertile so I wouldn't have to admitt to her that there is just something wrong with me.

I'm very sorry for any hurtful words, I'm very sorry for my outburst--you are not the only one personally invested in the subject.

Again, I'm very sorry for the unrest I caused.  This is something I should have kept to myself--it just kind of came to a head I guess. 

Sally/Christina- I don't think you should feel you have to keep this to yourself. If it's how you feel, then it's how you feel.
 
I think this thread got a little heated and slightly off topic of the original post. That's all.

ORIGINAL: fuzzy_dogs_mom

Sara, next time someone asks you a totally personal and inappropriate question (and those you mentioned certainly fall into that category IMO) just look them right in the eye and say "Whyever would you want to know something like that?"[] BTW, because someones parents want grandchildren has to be one of the stupidest reasons on the planet to have kids.

Joyce

My mother actually handled my aunt for me. I have replied to some of them but most of the time, I ignore it. I just couldn't believe how many people were so insensitive when I announced that I was pregnant with Deacon. He is the baby and a BIG surprise baby at that. My husband and my mother knew I pregnant long before I did. They have joked that neither of them wanted to be the one to tell me. It wasn't the idea of having 4 kids that scared me. It was that I get very very sick during pregnancy and I was terrified of that. Sebastian was also born with some problems and had to stay in NICU for almost 2 weeks. I was scared about that happening again. No one believes that Deacon's pregnancy surprised me more than Hawke's pregnancy, but it did. Alex and Hawke are not even 13 months apart.

I have read a lot of unkind words here. I really hope that it stops. I posted just to put the other side of the fence up here. Some people do not want kids and some people do. Some people who have children never should have in the first place and there are others who cannot have children and desperately want them, who would be amazing parents. Children are a blessing. I agree that kids can get loud, annoying, obnoxious, and drive everyone up the wall. Then there are those times that they are the sweetest humans on the planet..when they are wide awake.

I want to share an example. Hawke is my 7 year old, ADHD child. He has no impulse control. Despite him being LOUD even when talking, he is the most sensitive, kind child around in the family. He is a very caring boy. When I was pregnant with Sebastian, he would copy his father helping me practice breathing for labor. If his father wasn't around, he would still try to do it with me through Braxton Hicks. Hawke wasn't even 2 at the time.

When I got pregnant with Deacon, Hawke was right there when I was sick. He would yell for DH that I was sick. He would make sure I had my tea and so on. When practice time came again, he was right there too. I was induced to have Deacon. Of course, they did not want me to eat anything. DH went home to check on the kids and my father. He was also picking up dinner for himself and my mother. When I spoke with Hawke on the phone and I mentioned that his father was out getting dinner for himself and G'ma, Hawke immediately asked, "You are going to eat too right? He is getting you some dinner too?"

Deacon has always been Hawke's baby. When DH returned in the middle of the night after Deke was born, Hawke woke up. When he saw a picture of Deacon, he said, "That's my baby."

We always joke at how Hawke will be the resident OB/GYN with his homebaked cookies on his desk at the hospital.

My point is Hawke is one of those kids that can drive a sane person to insanity but there is so much sweetness to him. There is so much more than annoyances when it comes to kids.

--Sara

Sara, it sounds to me like you're a wonderful mother and you have a wonderful family.  You have absolutely nothing to apologize for or to explain to anybody. []

Joyce

When you pick up a puppy, it doesn't vomit on you, it doesn't burp in your face, and it doesn pee in your lap.

Someone hasn't met Emma, yet!!!

BTW, incontinence isn't having to go more often. It's leaking. On your lap, in the bed, wherever the dog is. It involves diapering, urine scald, and daily baths.

Living with Emma is much like living with a very young child, except that I can crate her, and walk away, when I need to. I love babies, but I do NOT want one. I have plenty of responsibility, just as I am. I don't need anything else to take care of. I might get a cat, or something, but that's IT!

Awww Sara, that Hawke is a sweetie. []  I agree, things were said in the heat of the moment on this thread.  It's good that we are passionate about SOMETHING otherwise life would be boring. 

ORIGINAL: bragg1120

Awww Sara, that Hawke is a sweetie. []  I agree, things were said in the heat of the moment on this thread.  It's good that we are passionate about SOMETHING otherwise life would be boring. 

Hawke is a real sweetie. BTW, that is his name. It is not a nickname.

Hawke has Bubbles sleep on the end of his bed and will sing or read to her to sleep. He is a very nice little boy.

--Sara

ORIGINAL: fuzzy_dogs_mom

Sara, it sounds to me like you're a wonderful mother and you have a wonderful family.  You have absolutely nothing to apologize for or to explain to anybody. []

Joyce

Thank you very much. I am taking my 2 week vacation from mommyhood in early September. I am so used to chaos that it takes a few days to allow myself to rest.

Here are pix of my kids.

Sara, you have a gorgeous family! I can see why you're so proud of them ... and I can see why you need a 2 week vacation.  Have fun! []

Joyce