Going to Church Alone

You really shouldn't worry about how others are judging the decisions you make in your relationship and regarding your religion. What works for you and your dh is nobody else's business.

Jewlieee, oh, I have not let them keep me from going. 

I was just wondering are there others that do this, go to church alone.  (maybe I just happen to go to a church that has alot of married people that go together - because it does not seem like alot of single married people attend)

 The church is open to anyone who desires to be there.  You find it satisfying and that should be enough.  Husbands and wives often go in different directions in regards to their activities, and that is healthy in a relationship.  No need to worry about it...he might go when the time is right, but you don't need to drop out because he doesn't want to be there.  I just wouldn't be concerned with what others think!

That said, we were a church-going family, but my Hubby sang in the choir and to many people I must have been a single mother with 2 kiddos!  Pfft!

My DIL takes her 3 kids to church, but my son just doesn't seem to want to go right now.  Granted, he works very long hours, and I know his alone time is rare, and he has to take it when he can get it.

Just do what works for you...if you don't, you are only putting your needs in the back seat.

 

Do the people who wonder why you go alone go to your church?  If you think they're being judgmental because your husband chooses not to go, I wouldn't worry about it, and I'd tell them that you don't make decisions for your husband, if you feel you have to have a response.  Religion and attending church should be up to the individual and people who question that, if they make others uncomfortable, should be avoided, IMO.  I think some people are too intrusive in the guise of wanting to help others when it comes to religion.  It puts me off and I find it offensive. 

marty_ga

I just wouldn't be concerned with what others think!

 Yep!

Funny you should ask. We don't go. Our kids are baptized(Catholic) and have stopped there. No, CCD, no church. However, my dh and I have been asked to be Godparents to our niece. We have to show up at church with our envelope offering as proof. I went yesterday for the first time pretty much in 15 years, and I went by myself.

 I can only address half your question.  I go alone, because I am single.   The years Dad lived with me, I prefered that he joined me.  For me, I feel like Mass is a family event.  I'd always feel bad as a kid attending on my own (My Mum was Church of England, Dad didn't go and my bro well, pfft!)  Dad was fine with joining me, most of the 12 years he lived with me.  When he was no longer able to attend, I went a few times but it felt odd.   So I stayed home w/ Dad and we'd watch Mass on TV.  After 4 years, I've just started going about a month back (now that Dad is in the nursing home).

 

I've gone to church without my husband several times. It was because he was working but I wouldn't hesitate to go even if he was home but not interested. My best friend goes every Sunday and her husband hasn't gone with her in several years. I know there's time she's felt uncomfortable but I think that's because she's afraid someone will ask her about it. I don't think anyone ever has though.

Ironically, my dad was Catholic and my mom converted when they got married. We went to parochial school and attended mass every Sunday without fail. My dad never went with us though and I thought it was because he needed to stay home and do yard work :). When I got older, I found out that it was because sometime during his stint in the war, he'd developed a fear of crowds. Even in a bank or store, he'd get panic attacks and have to bolt out of there. Going to church was more than he could handle but I know he missed it dearly. I doubt my mom explained to everyone why he wasn't coming and even in this tight-knit church, it never cause any of us a problem.

This thread made me think about my mother and all her hang-ups about being a divorced Catholic woman. 

My parents got divorced 40+ years ago, so it was not as "acceptable" as it is now.  Add to that my Mom's strict Catholic upbringing, and she felt she was shameful, a sinner, not welcome at the sacraments, etc.  That didn't stop her from going to Mass (you know, that guilt thing is a powerful motivator), but she always had a "hide in the back" mentality.  Growing up, we went with her, and I remember her often saying stuff about being a woman "alone" at church.  I know she envied all the "perfect families" surrounding us in the pews:  Mom at one end, Dad at the other, kids all lined up in between.  But I remember telling her even when I was very young that she was silly to feel that way -- that many of those "perfect families" had kids who were always in trouble, really bad students or even petty criminals in a couple cases (including families with altar boy children who appeared so "holy";). 

But, I understand a lot of that is a generational thing, so that's just how she felt.  I haven't been to church in years, but my guess is there are more single people/parents there than back in the 70's and 80's.  I think a church should be welcoming to all people, and the parishoners should be the same way and not judge each other.

Riley (my 6 year old daughter) and I go alone. I am Catholic, Riley is batized Catholic, and DH is protestant or something. We were married in the Catholic church. Frankly he doesn't go because he likes to sleep in (I got to 7:30 mass on Sunday) and Saturday there are usually sports on. He does go on Christmas and Easter and Mother's Day though.

I usually sit in the back by the more senior usher guys. They have a running pool on how many times I have to take Riley outside to "have a talk". Sometimes I think some of them egg her on so they win.

When I was younger we always went as a family (Italian Catholics). My dad was an usher so we sat in the back and helped them count the money at the end of mass :) Now a days I don't think anything when I see a single woman at church honestly. I am just impressed that people make it to be honest. With everything that is going on in the world/life today it's a very conscience effort to take the time to go.

 sometimes I realize I really am missing some components, I have gone on my own many, many times and have never considered feeling awkward. DH goes on Christmas Eve, period.

I don't go much any more (may be 6-10 times a year) but when I was younger I went all the time, nearly always alone, depending on what relationship I was in or wasn't in.

I have never felt odd being alone, nor have I felt that others were concerned. Then again I am Lutheran and its by and large a very open-minded religion. These days I go to a Methodist church because I prefer it and have never felt odd there either.

IMO religion is a personal decision, living in the Bible Belt we were faced with this question upon meeting just about everyone, "have you found your church yet?" DH found it offensive.

I also see the same very kind people being the most discriminatory and judgmental folks I have ever known - which to me is anti-Christian. So personally if people are making you feel uncomfortable going to church alone they are fairly lousy Christians - they should be looking to appease any unease not marginalize you.

 

kpwlee

IMO religion is a personal decision, living in the Bible Belt we were faced with this question upon meeting just about everyone, "have you found your church yet?" DH found it offensive.

I also see the same very kind people being the most discriminatory and judgmental folks I have ever known - which to me is anti-Christian. So personally if people are making you feel uncomfortable going to church alone they are fairly lousy Christians - they should be looking to appease any unease not marginalize you.

Amen to all of this. My brother and SIL could use a lesson or two in tact and what you said in that last paragraph.

sharismom

kpwlee

IMO religion is a personal decision, living in the Bible Belt we were faced with this question upon meeting just about everyone, "have you found your church yet?" DH found it offensive.

I also see the same very kind people being the most discriminatory and judgmental folks I have ever known - which to me is anti-Christian. So personally if people are making you feel uncomfortable going to church alone they are fairly lousy Christians - they should be looking to appease any unease not marginalize you.

Amen to all of this.

I second that amen!

I really appreciate the replys.

I go by myself, my DH has gone twice with me.  But going is really about me and my desires.  I enjoy it, not that you have to go to believe, it is just how it wakes me up more to be there.  I have had a few members comment to me, on where it my DH, once I was  sassy and replied, isn't me being here enough!  It does make me feel uncomfortable, but I have continued to go - because this is my thing, for me.

When this happens I always think of the Clint Eastwood line (yes, I love the man)..There is an awful lot of religon practiced here, but no Christianity. (exactly)

Thanks everyone.

My MIL goes alone because she was raised Lutheran and her husband was raised Catholic, but "their" church is Lutheran. He comes on major holidays and that's it, no big deal!

People MAY be asking after your husband out of kindness and concern, like to make sure that he's okay and in good health. If you see someone come sometimes, but then they don't show for a while, they might be ill or in the hospital or something! So it might be less of a, "Why isn't he here? >:O" and more of a, "Everything okay with you guys? Can I help?" concern. Just a thought, maybe to make you feel better!