Bridal Shower Present

Seems like there's quite a range in how showers, weddings, gifting, etc is done.  In our family, the bride never throws a shower, that is something that the close friends or moms or aunts do, and they generally invite just a few people who are usually all part of planning the shower anyway (so it's not like you'd get invited to a shower you had no interest in attending).  So if you are someone like me that isn't really into parties or lavish gifts or have lots of attention on you, you're screwed if your aunties insist on throwing a big shower. Nobody that was invited to a shower would *not* be invited to the wedding b/c it's close friends and family at the shower.  But plenty of people get invited to the wedding that didn't participate in the shower.  I would be surprised to be invited to a shower of someone that was not my direct cousin or close friend.

Can anyone explain the POINT of a bridal shower? Is this separate from the idea of a bachelorette party? Do people do both?

I think I was invited to a bridal shower a couple of years ago, and we were told to bring a page for a wedding scrapbook. I was in CT and the shower was in FL, so I didn't attend, but mailed my scrapbook page in. Was it expected that I would send a present as well? Did I mess up?

Are bridal showers maybe a regional thing at all? Or am I just sheltered and naive for not understanding these things? :-p

Cita

Can anyone explain the POINT of a bridal shower? Is this separate from the idea of a bachelorette party? Do people do both?

Yes, people do both and yes, they are two seperate animals.  I think bridal showers were way more popular when I got married (25 years ago).  People married a little younger I think and were generally moving in and setting up house for the first time with their spouse.  The bridal shower was a party usually hosted by a family member of the bride or the maid of honor.  Usually brides registered and people bought practical presents the couple wanted to set up their house like dishes, small appliances, pots, sheets, towels, stuff like that. 

Now people marry a little later and are generally more established in that they already have a home or apartment and have what they need already so they may register to ask for more expensive/specialty items like crystal and china.

In both cases the bachelorette party is a vehicle for the bride to go out and get skunk faced.

Deb W. 

I have no idea if a bridal shower or bachelorette party are different. I thought a bridal shower  (especially like this girl I am going for-she hasnt talked to me in 7 years but wants me to come to a party where she can get a gift-gimme gimme attitude if you ask me) was for gifts and bachelorette parties were more for partying; going out with close friends, drinking, dancing..having a good time. But then again, I have never gone to either, so I could be dead wrong.

Thanks for the ideas. I am thinking about probably doing the VISA route. I dont know this chic at all and what better way to get her something she likes than by giving her money? lol

Boxermom, I think that's really sweet of you. I know there is some regional variation on the appropriateness of "cash gifts" (seems to be more common in the North...??) but I think the VISA card is very practical and useful.If it were me, I would be tempted to not go at all. I can't imagine expecting a present from someone I haven't talked to in 7 years! Geez louise! That's some chutzpah! Maybe if it were a legitimate attempt to reconnect and rekindle the friendship, I guess...?

Cita

Wait wait wait... I thought that *wedding* presents were to help the couple set up their new house. You're expected to give gifts for both?? For (ostensibly) the same reason??? Sooooooo confusing!

It has always been my experience that people give "presents" at the shower and cash/checks at the wedding. 

Deb W.

Cita

Boxermom, I think that's really sweet of you. I know there is some regional variation on the appropriateness of "cash gifts" (seems to be more common in the North...??) but I think the VISA card is very practical and useful.If it were me, I would be tempted to not go at all. I can't imagine expecting a present from someone I haven't talked to in 7 years! Geez louise! That's some chutzpah! Maybe if it were a legitimate attempt to reconnect and rekindle the friendship, I guess...?

But she used to know me years ago and we're friends on FB...geesh!!! LOL I am mainly going to see a lot of my old horse friends that I havent seen in awhile. Otherwise, I wouldnt go at all Now I will be mad if none of them show up after saying they would HAHAH

Cita

If it were me, I would be tempted to not go at all. I can't imagine expecting a present from someone I haven't talked to in 7 years! Geez louise! That's some chutzpah! Maybe if it were a legitimate attempt to reconnect and rekindle the friendship, I guess...?

I'm with Courtney.  A girl I was friends with in high school invited me to her wedding about 4 years after graduation.  We'd not kept in touch at all and I lived in Virginia; she was in Michigan.  I still sent her a card with a $20 check, mostly because I was friends with her mom.  She never sent a thank you and I never heard from her again.

I think the difference is that a shower is a gift giving occasion and a bachelorette party is just big party with male strippers and lots of booze.  No? I don't remember registering anywhere for anything, but that was a loooong time ago. I'd be a bit leery of those loaded Visa cards.  There was a report on TV about them a few months ago.  The banks charge fees on them, thus reducing the amount over a period of time so you have to use them pretty quickly.  I have a friend who got someone a $50 one - friend saved for a few months waiting for a sale at a favorite store and when she got around to using it there was something like $1.25 left on it. You might be better off with a gift card from a favorite store since those don't expire at all.

Joyce

My bachelorette party was pretty tame as one friend and I were the only ones 21+ (my sis is 5 years younger than me, my cousins, housemates, etc younger). I was so busy planning the wedding, applying for jobs (I had an interview the day before my wedding, got a job offer), dealing with an injury, moving house...I never even thought about a bachelorette party but like the showers, that is something the friends/bridesmaids organize, not the bride.  Plus there were no gifts or expenses involved other than the silly party favors (cookies, drinking straws, and a giant pinata shaped like male anatomy, certain feminine apparel and gadgets that definitely came from Spencer, etc).

I've heard bad things about the Visa cards as well.  I'd go with a normal gift card or a mall card instead.

sharismom

She never sent a thank you and I never heard from her again.

Now that is my pet peve!!!!!!!!!  How hard is it to say thanks.   I have some grandchildren that never acknowledge or say thanks for Bday and christmas gifts...others that do.  It is so tempting to stop giving to the ones that dont.

fuzzy_dogs_mom

I think the difference is that a shower is a gift giving occasion and a bachelorette party is just big party with male strippers and lots of booze.  No? I don't remember registering anywhere for anything, but that was a loooong time ago. I'd be a bit leery of those loaded Visa cards.  There was a report on TV about them a few months ago.  The banks charge fees on them, thus reducing the amount over a period of time so you have to use them pretty quickly.  I have a friend who got someone a $50 one - friend saved for a few months waiting for a sale at a favorite store and when she got around to using it there was something like $1.25 left on it. You might be better off with a gift card from a favorite store since those don't expire at all.

Joyce

I have bought and used these before. You have one year to use them before any fee's are applied. If she doesnt spend it in a year, than thats her own fault.

Boxermom2Marley

just big party with male strippers and lots of booze.  No?

I thought that was just a regular Friday night at Deb's house?

OK, here's my take.  I had three bridal showers - yes I am Italian.  One for my family, one for his, and one from my work friends.  Yes, we are nuts.  The only person at all three was me so I didn't feel too bad.  Personally, they are annoying but a necessary evil in my family.  Barely a month goes by when I don't have to attend one.

Here's an idea of a good, but inexpensive gift.  Kitchen basket.  Usually just a basket or something and fill it with kitchen stuff.  You can do theme stuff like Italian with dried pasta, different jarred sauces, a pasta fork, colander and stuff like that.  Big splash for little cash - I can usually do for about $20 - $25.

For us, usually gift for shower and cash for wedding.

I agree with Joyce, if you want to do gift card go with a store like Target.

In my experience,  the bridal shower is for the mother of the bride and bridesmaids to all fight and argue, and the bachlorette party is for the bridesmaids to all fight with the maid of honour a few minutes after arrivign at the venue or club and have the maid of honour storm out.

l.michelle

In my experience,  the bridal shower is for the mother of the bride and bridesmaids to all fight and argue, and the bachlorette party is for the bridesmaids to all fight with the maid of honour a few minutes after arrivign at the venue or club and have the maid of honour storm out.

Lauren, I kept telling you guys to elope. lol