Worst Family Ever!

Even if your family wont go it may really help for you to have someone to talk to, and who knows your family may come around after they see you go.
 
I am not trying to push church down your throat, but it can be a great comfort for you. Your parents dont have togo for you to attend, most of our chruches in our area will provide transportation.
 
Your in my thoughts and prayers.

yeah, I just find it hard to speak when i'm in this condition. Much easier to type to you guys.
 
I should go to church, though I may not be very religous (as I'm sixteen) but i could use the support.
 
Thank you, thanks.

You know, I come from a family that is so dysfunctional that we are functional.  I won't go into all the details b/c that would literaly be a novel!  I will say though that my boss, who is also a close friend of mine now, even makes comments about it but always adds on that we are closer than any other family she knows.
 
In one of you comments I read into it that you don't have much interest in school.  Although I may be 10 yrs older than you, may I suggest you rethink this?  School might be your best option for getting out of the situation you are in.  I have no idea what sort of grades you make or money your family may have, but making school a priority through high school and even college may, as crazy as it may sound, be the answer you are looking for to have a different life then you have now.  Depending on how things are, and this may sound really extreme, but you might even consider studying abroad for a semester or a year while in high school to escape a little sooner.  If this even remotely interests you, I would check into it with your high school counseler.  There may even be opportunities for scholarships or other financial help through your current school to do this.  I know there are many different types of financial help to go to college if you have decent grades, and at 16 it isn't too late to bring them up.  I can't stress enough, what a huge difference the extra 4-6 year commitment, depending on if you do it and how far you go with it, will make in your life.  You might even find that you can have an enjoyable relationship with the people in your family once you are removed from it in the sense that you are attached now.  The biggest thing is, that you have a lot more flexibility to choose what sort of job you will have for the rest of you life.  If nothing else is an option, you could even look into the military who will set you up for the rest of your life if you are willing to live by their rules for a little while.
 
I went to private school all my life and basically didn't have a choice about going to college.  I was going whether I wanted to or not.  DH came from a family that never put any sort of stress on education.  He did go through the military, but did not take advantage of all the benefits it can provide.  Now though, we both agree, that our kids will go to college whether they want to or not.  It is the greatest gift we could ever give them. 
   
I always tell DH "Good things come to those who wait" and sometimes it is better to take your time in life then to rush into becoming an adult to escape a current situation.  He can now, after 7 years of being together, and being VERy broke at times, understand what I mean by that b/c he can finally have some of the things he has longed for that I made him wait to have.  Most of the time, you have to work really hard to have those things you really want...   
 
Hopefully that all made sense.......

I'm so sorry you are dealing with this.  I grew up in a home a lot like this...violence, yelling, anger all the time, swearing.  All of this between my parents (now its between my mom and my 17 year old sister).  It made me want to get out too.  I worked so hard after high school to make sure I could get out and make it on my own very quickly.  I know how stressful it is, especially when you know they are just being stupid over something so small it doesn't really matter.

Boneyjean is right, by the way.  School will definitely help.  I was able to move out very quickly because of school and I am now a teacher and I'm 24 and I'm supporting myself.  I've been out of my house since I was 21.  You could be out sooner and live in a dorm right after high school if you really want to.  When you're away from home, things seem so much better because you aren't around the fighting all the time.

Don't worry.  Things will get better for you, they did for me.  I am happy now with my fiance and my dogs...and I only have to deal with the arguing between my mom and my sister when I am there and something happens.

You will make it, just keep looking forward and thinking about that dog you'll have someday!

school is a lot different from ten years ago, and i'm not saying that because i'm not getting good grades. Last year (sophmore year) I litterally had two teachers who were just teaching for the paid vacation time. And they were gone many days out playing gold or something. One teacher had no idea what she was doing. One teacher was prignant so very moody at times but she was a good teacher. My other two teachers were alright. Teacher's don't care as much as they used too anymore. College is probably ten times better teacher/teaching wise. But like i said before, I just can't focus in school. No matter how hard I try, I just loose focus. I'm told that I'm smart but I don't do work. (because of my focusing 'problem') If i did my work, I would most likely get straight A's. I still try and won't stop trying.

College is MUCH different.  I have only been out of college for a few years now.  You are there b/c you want to be and not b/c you have to be.  I understand the focusing thing too b/c I have ADHD and was on Ritalin all my life until I finished college and am now still on Strattera.  I was just making  a suggestion as to another way to escape the situation you are in. 
 
I have you in my thoughts though.  And as others have said, don't let yourself be abused or hurt in any way.  There are a lot of people that can do things to help you.  And finding a church or other support group isn't a bad idea.  It makes it so much easier to deal with things when you have people that can relate or even just talk to.

who would of thought that something like the internet could teach someone to stand up for themselves. I will not allow myself to be abused, the internet (like I said before) as helped me in some very important ways that no one could have ever thought of. I may be kind most of the times, and joke around sometimes but if i'm pushed too much, I'll lose it. As one member of a different forum soon found out. Not to go in any details but my last post on that forum left the adminstrator of that forum speechless, litterally.
 
Thank you, it means a lot to me.

You also mentioned calling a therapist to make a suprise visit.  Before you did that, I would call a therapist, or someone of the sort, to visit with myself.  Someone else mentioned finding a church, and a lot of time you can get a therapist through a church for little to no cost.  They will be able to help better direct you with the specific situation you are in.  And they will be local to where you live and help you know any sort of local resources you may have. 
 
Best of luck to you!

that's probably a good idea. . . if it ever comes to a therapist, I'll do that.
 
Thank you.
 
Gosh, today was exhausting. I'm tired and hungry. I'll think I'll go get something to eat then go to bed. Thanks everyone, see ya in the morning, hopefully.

If you can't focus on school, could you possibly go for your GED and then attend a community college?  I had several friends in high school that did that because they had a similar life/philosophy as you.  I have to echo that you really need to have the high school education so you can go further in life.  So many places require a diploma or GED for employment, and even more places are asking for at least a 2 yr (AA or AS) degree.  You sound like a smart kid, but your home life makes it hard to focus.  (Been there, done that.  When you look up abusive/dysfunctional family in the dictionary, you will see our family portrait.  lol)  Hang in there!!

Is there a youth center where you're at or possibly a Girls' and Boys' club? These are places you can go to get out and away from the bad situations at home.

Also, many churches have youth groups with fun things to do.  My oldest son (14) goes to youth group every week and loves it.

At sixteen, you are old enough for a job.  Go get one! Spend your summer picking berries, doing child care, mowing lawns or whatever.  Any (or all!) of these will help you be independant earlier. If you can't find a paying one, volunteer at the local shelter walking dogs, petting cats or cleaning cages.

Sundays seem to be the day that a lot of people have fights.  I think the mix of everyone being home and alcohol (lots of people only drink on Sunday and then drink A LOT)brings out the worst in many, many people. Maybe it's time to go to church in the morning, work in the afternoon and get home jus tin time to eat dinner! LOL

Also, I work at our local library and we have lots of programs for teens. We have gaming time, Yugio tournaments (I know you may be too old  for this, but wanted to mention them), etc. We have a group that builds a float for our Old Fashioned Festival parade each year.  There are tie-dying parties and more.  The best part is---it's all FREEEEEE!!! Even of you're not a big reader, we have tons of DVDs to check out and lots of graphic novels as well.

Hope this gives you a  few  ideas.  Hang in there; it WILL get better.

My son is 25 and has ADHD all his life. He has the same focusing problems you talk about. But he's working on it. I wish he would take some appropriate medication for it, it would help him a lot.

Anyway, school didn't have anything to offer him and when he was 16 I finally let him drop out because I knew he was so smart that he'd be able to get his GED very easily. Which he did when he was 19 with a 90% score. To this day, though, he says he wishes he had stayed in school because a GED isn't the same as a diploma. Right now he's working as a waiter and trying to take a class at a time at the local community college.

One strategy that I think might solve two problems for you: Job Corp will give you a place to live AND job training AND school. You might look into it. I don't know if you'd qualify, and it wouldn't be like living at home, but then, home isn't so great, either, is it? Look in the phone book for Job Corp, or call United Way and ask for their number. They will be able to refer you to them.

Another thing is that if alcohol is a problem in your family, I strongly suggest you find an Alateen group or Alanon group to go to. Those are groups for supporting folks who have to live with the trouble of other people in their family drinking. You can get a lot of support that way.

You remind me of myself, trying to survive a terribly abusive mother and a really screwed up family. I started trying to get counseling help when I was 14 because it was just to hard to deal with alone. It REALLY helped! If there is someone you can go to for some counseling that you trust, by all means, go. You would be taking care of yourself the best way you can.

I love it that you put on your fox videos when things are stressing you out. That is so good! I read books. There was no video or internet when I was your age, believe it or not! So I read a LOT.

I hope this helps, and let us know how you are doing.

Let me say that you have shown remarkable maturity since you've shown up here. You took all of our advice in good stride and have been polite. And trust me, I know about toxic family.
 
And you show incredible maturity and patience in deciding not to get a pet just now. College can be important. I had average grade point averages in school and average SAT scores. Most importantly, you must decide what you really want to do, whether that includes college, or not. And that is a lot of pressure on someone your age. But I think you have a good head on your shoulders and you can make.
 
For example, what would it be like to move to Alaska and work for a sled dog breeder or racer? You wouldn't make much money but you would be around 20 to 80 sled dogs, most of them Siberians, tending to their needs of food, water, exercise, mushing practice. You might start out scooping poop out of the dog yard and other menial chores. And just have the time of your life. And Life is really short. You must do what it is you want to do.
 
You might want to be a game warden or wildlife agent. A lot of that will take some education but you could look up the requirements and see if their are college grants towards achieving that goal.
 
Plenty of people have owned dogs on a shoestring budget. But blessings on you for wisely not bringing an innocent creature into what seems a rather disastrous situation. And good luck to you.

ORIGINAL: ron2

For example, what would it be like to move to Alaska and work for a sled dog breeder or racer? You wouldn't make much money but you would be around 20 to 80 sled dogs, most of them Siberians, tending to their needs of food, water, exercise, mushing practice. You might start out scooping poop out of the dog yard and other menial chores. And just have the time of your life. And Life is really short. You must do what it is you want to do.

I agree with everything Ron said. I just want to give a caution about working for a musher. First, if you want to do that, then let me help you find someone who will be nice to you. But before that, even, you need to know that people who come up here to be dog handlers (that's what they are called) don't get paid. Yes, that's right. They don't get paid. Usually you will be given a place to stay, a couple meals a day, and that's about it. Some might offer a tiny stipend, but many don't. I know one musher who is horrible to her dog handlers. She berates them constantly, lets her parents berate them too, has them live in a yurt in an Alaskan winter (way too cold) and makes them work 7 days a week. This is a situation no one really needs. You have a dysfunctional family already, you don't need to go live with someone else's! [&:]

On the other hand, I also know some very nice mushers who would treat you kindly. But it would be something you do for an incredible experience, not for money, because you won't make money at it. It would be very hard work but also quite amazing. []

I have no idea how they can legally not pay you minimum wage. But somehow that's how it is done.

Oh, and yeah, I have met Susan Butcher a couple of times (hope she's okay--she's been getting treated for leukemia) and Allie Zirkle, too. And many others. ) If you want to come up and be a dog handler, I can help you.

Ah, well the focusing is all about self discipline.  I myself am ADHD, although when I was a child, they didn't diagnose it as anything other than being headstrong and "off in her own little world".  My youngest son is ADHD and with HIM medication was the key.  But, it isn't a magic bullet.  You have to teach yourself TO focus...and now is a good time since life doesn't get any easier as you get older.
 
I suspect that you would be much better able to focus if you were in a more stable environment.  I'm hoping that things will settle down soon for your family.  Part of this might still be move related.  It's really tough being a parent and it sounds like your mom has been under major stress for quite awhile with a marriage falling apart and the divorce and through all this stuff kids suddenly turn into teenagers and even in the best circumstances, teenagers (sorry, no offense) can be major pains in the butt....it's kind of the nature of the beast.
 
Short of going to live with your dad, if that's even a possibility, here are some things I'd suggest.  Make some friends.  I know that isn't easy when you are the new kid....my sons were often the new kids because my husband works in radio and that's about as stable as the military for moving.  Church is actually a really good place to meet other kids who are typically NOT the ones walking around in all black and plotting to shoot their classmates.  Some kids from "normal" families who have been taught respect and discipline....and I'm not saying every kid who goes to church is gonna be like that nor that every one who doesn't is "bad", but when parents can GET teenagers to go to church, they likely have some decent values.  And I don't want to push religion on you either.  This is just a good option for meeting other kids and not being the "new guy".
 
Getting a summer job would be GREAT for you.  Not only would it give you some money in your pocket, but it would also get you out of the house and around people more and give you another opportunity to make friends.
 
Are there any summer youth programs in your area?  Through the school or churches?  If so, get yourself involved.  I know its tough being the new kid and I know it's tough stepping forward to make new friends, but that would REALLY help you.  And through work, or church or summer programs you might find a trusted adult who can mentor you.  I don't know how old Big Brothers will assign someone too, but it's worth a shot to look into that.  That would give you a stable adult male to spend some time with.
 
There is always the possibility that your failure to focus is a medical condition such as depression, so ask your Mom to set you up for a physical and then TALK to the doc and let him know what you're feeling.  I'm absolutely not suggesting meds, although they CAN be a lifesaver, but if you work with a doctor, maybe YOU can can counseling which won't change the family structure, but could make it easier for you to deal with.
 
And thank you for cleaning up your post.  I was just explaining to you why I was being an old fart![8|]