Monday for the mindless

I am all for Monday being over.

I am so tired all the time. All I can think of is how long before I get to go to bed?

I feel like a fraud as a mom. I spend as much time keeping the kids occupied and away from me.  THey are loved and fed but I just want it quiet and I want to sleep.  Ugh.

Having a crappy day.

cakana

NicoleS

I have a giant bottle of wine at home with my name on it, anyone want to come share???

Me!! When you say "giant", how big are we talking?

It's 1.5 L so enough to share with at least one other person :)  I also have a bottle of TGIF Mai Tai, so the more the merrier!  LOL.  I need it after today.

Paige, thanks for the response.  I should have my master's in December, this year.  So only a few months.  Sorry if I totally missed that before, kind of improtant to my story! 

The evil admin, is just evil.  I can ask what sort of proof they want, for sure.  And she's always harping about how none of the labs have any money.  I'm sure it's partly true and partly exageration.  And, I do work for a huge university, so HR red tape isn't something to take lightly.  The PI's can fight for pretty much anything they want, though, if they cared enough to do so.  I've gotten smaller increases before, so it can be done!  My PI might not even want "proof" but when I went to admin and said "Dr XYZ says when I graduate in Dec, he wants to bump me to a level 4, what do we do about it?" that was what she responded with.  It's easier to get a raise when you have a 'reason' such as a degree, I think.

I could get another job within the university, actually making more than the 20% pay increase.  They only let you go up so much at once, within your position, but when you are a new hire you can get up to the middle point of the salary.  So it would be closer to 25%, actually.  I would like to stay at the University since I have 48 days sick time, so I would almost have an entire maternity leave with full pay.  If I started somewhere else, I would only get the standard short term disability stuff, me thinks.  I think there's a reasonable chance, with my experience in this lab, to get another position at the university.  I just prefer not to start over somewhere new and then have to deal with maternity leave.  But it would be a nice barganing chip!

I don't know how long to stay without increase -- my thoughts are that if I maintain for too long, then try to get another job and they ask what I make, then they won't want to give me much more since I've already been working for that amount, with the higher degree.  So I'm thinking within 6-12 months, if it hasn't materialized, I would definitely need to do something.  Honestly, it's two pay grades without question (set by HR) and two pay grades = 20%, so it's kind of all or nothing.  But I'm sure they would fine some loophole if they could. 

It's also very, very difficult to get time with my real boss.  We meet, as a group, weekly, but to get one-on-one time is harder (he is a surgeon, so always busy).  Do you think talking to him about it in October or November would be OK?  I could be like "so, the semester is ending soon.  I know admin mentioned waiting until I actually graduated to begin paperwork on the new position, but since it takes so long could you see about starting it sooner?"  He really did come out and say he definitely wanted me to be a level 4, and I think graduating is the excuse to feed HR so they do it, but the best intentions.....

 how to lose your dinner..............

watch your dog with a $3k knee and a bad other one fly high to catch his wubba friend

waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay high

I suppose its wonderful that he can jump that high.............or not

Sorry to be gone for a while then jump in with this...

Things were said that had needed to be said, emotions went wild, I’m starting to understand things from a different perspective….yeah, life is starting to come together but not how I thought it would.  I don’t know if I’m living an illusion or if this is real.  The bf and I talked!  In the 8 years we have been together we have never talked like we have in the last few weeks. He cried!  I cried!  He’s willing to work with me and I don’t know how he did it but I’m willing to give it a try.  It’s like we are starting all over again.  I hope I don’t get hurt.  Rather then push me away, he’s doing everything right to pull me back.  If we can manage to get back to what we had earlier on in our relationship then I think we will be alright.  If we can erase a few years of mistrust and abuse then it will work.

Now for the plan, I’m going to move to Pittsburgh, but not until I find a job that is equal to the one I have now.  In two weeks the bf and I are loading up a U-haul and driving to PA.  If I don’t have a job by then, I fly back to NM and keep applying till something comes up.  We don’t know where we are going to live just yet.  We want a month-to-month place to rent until we buy a house but most places are asking for a year lease, not to mention that most places don’t allow “large” dogs.  One place I was considering wants a pet fee of $30/mo for EACH of my piggies!  I also have a red-eared slider turtle that needs a home before I move, she is a foster I took in but really dont mind keeping her if I can find a way. I may have to leave the pets in NM with my parents for a while till we do buy a home.

.

NicoleS

I don't know how long to stay without increase

 Nothing wrong with putting out some feelers to other employers to see what you will be worth with a Masters degree.  Policies are not laws, and can occasionally be negotiated around, especially if you have comparable wages to use or another job lined up.

Xebby

I have too much of a past haunting me here from my childhood that I need to get away from.  Even if it may not seem like the best way to get out, this is my chance to run away like I had always wanted to. 

This is particularly noteworthy.  That you're running away from things.  You're not running toward anything, and the path your taking is treacherous with your current co-pilot.  Should things fall apart, do you have support there in PA that doesn't involve him?  If not, do you have funds to get yourself and the animals back to NM or anywhere else you might want to go?  Pittsburgh is a tough place to live transitioning from NM. 

Xebby

I don’t have any friends in Pittsburgh so it’s really scary for me.  He’s all I have right now.

Only you can live your life, and only you (and your pets) will enjoy or suffer the consequences of how you live your life.  Nobody here has any right to tell you what to do - you're an adult and your decisions are yours.   Before you move, please consider setting aside enough funds to get yourself out at any time, should you need to.  I'm very glad you're not moving without a job - as someone who has moved quite a bit over the last 3 years, that JOB is pretty much the most critical piece you need to have.  If you get strong enough not to NEED your BF, then you should consider getting your own place and dating him, as opposed to living together and remaining co-dependent.  (Sorry to be blunt, but I think you recognize that in the situation for yourself.)  There's no way in hell you should buy a house with him in the next 9 months.  Two weeks of effort is pretty easy to manage. 

Please do us a favor and keep us posted as things progress - don't disappear once you move there. We will worry, and I think we have good reason to, based on things he's said/done to you.  You have my wishes for good luck, and good protection from the potential danger.

Xebby, I'm in Pittsburgh -- and GeorgAnne -- so there's a few of us around if you need something.  Pittsburgh can be a great place to live, it has a good culture, and honestly the economy here isn't really so bad compared to other places.  Definitely look into jobs at Pitt and other universities. I know I posted in your other threads, but definitely let me know if you want more insight on something. 

It is hard to find a place that allows dogs, especially in a convenient location.  Definitely try personal landlords over companies, if you can.  They are much more likely to be lenient than the apt complexes.  I second getting to know the area for a while before buying anything.  Two streets in any direction can get you from the rich to the ghetto, esp in the city.  Not to mention the reasons Paige brought up, but just from a practical standpoint. 

I think I need a 12-step program to detox myself from candles.  I could probably burn some candle or melt for every waking hour for the next year and not run out.  I absolutely adore them.  Unfortunately, one of the things I am allergic to is orris root, which is found in a lot of fragrances in things like laundry soap, makeup, etc, so the allergist advised me to note if candles changed any symptoms when I'm burning them.  Is it sad, that my first thought was that it was good someone created allergy shots and they better help since I'm not giving up candles?

Jackie, nickname Munchkin "Munchie."  It's cute, & every time that you talk to her you can say "I got da munchies like a mother ******."  (Yes, I say that all the time!)

Nicole, pass the bottle please.

I've had a crap day, & I'm in a seriously pissy mood.  I have had to hide out for the day for fear of biting someone's head off. 

I just got the list of dogs for my puppy class that starts tomorrow.  3 doxies, 1 pom, & a chihuahua.  I'm so excited...

Thanks all for your advice and concern.  I typed out anouther long story of my life but decited things are better off left unsaid...  at that, I'll just let you know that I will be alright.

 Speaking of candels I have an awesome blueberry candel I should light to help myself relax... or suddenly have a craving for blueberries.

 I'm eating homemade cannoli-rum cake.

that is all. 

Ok that is not fair!!

Laalalalalalaa

erica1989

 I'm eating homemade cannoli-rum cake.

 

 

that is all. 

shamrockmommy

Ok that is not fair!!

Laalalalalalaa

erica1989

 I'm eating homemade cannoli-rum cake.

:::quietly slipping Shammy the 2x4::::  I won't tell anyone.....

BEVOLASVEGAS

:::quietly slipping Shammy the 2x4::::  I won't tell anyone.....

Xebby, I agree with most of what Paige said.  I understand your desire to make the relationship work and I hope your BF can change his demeaning, manipulative and abusive treatmeant of you into respect.  You say it's like you two are starting over again.  Make every effort to start over with the understanding that you won't tolerate the bad treatment you did before.  There are red flag statements sprinkled throughout your post.  The bottom line is you are the one in charge of your life.   Please stay safe and stay in touch.  We care about you and we will worry.  I would take Nicole up on her offer.  She's one of several members in the PA area and you know that dog people are the best friends on earth.  :)