Shammy- Tell me all you know about ADHD

Oh sweetheart we ARE family.  Your chosen family of friends.  This bunch of folks on here are just plain GOOD at it.

This is not a defect.  This will be a point of beginning -- it's called "more effective parenting" -- and that's really what this will enable you to be. 

Crossing the bridge with family won't be easy because they may have pre-conceived notions but I'd betcha Gina and MRV and some of the others can also help with this.  There may be further fine-tuning of diagnosis because ADHD is still a really WIDE thing.  But hopefully you can kiss that really horrific way you felt yesterday goodbye -- because gaining the skills and understanding necessary to start playing IN the ballfield rather than spending all your time chasing balls outside the fence that wouldn't let you back IN the playing field -- hopefully this will help all of you.

Don't let ANYONE make you play the blame game.  It's not productive.  This is still your son whom you love to distraction -- but now you will know better how to help him. 

*hugs* 

 I have no info to offer, but I wanted to just let you know that it will be ok and we are here for you.

Well, yes, now you know. IF you decide on meds...and you DON'T have to go that route...then I can tell you about Concerta. That is what Elias is on, it is the med our own Ped was most comfy with and I have heard good things about it.

Elias started on the 18mg of this back in November '09 so we're a good ways into it. Side effects that were explained as possible were...sleep troubles, stomach troubles, loss of appetite, constipation, growth retardation (meaning the do not grow at a normal rate while on meds but catch up once they are no longer on them, and studies show no permanent loss of stature is shown) and the "come down". What we have observed in our son out of those...

-Sleep troubles (only the first couple of weeks, he sleeps normally now and was always a good sleeper)

-Loss of appetite: only we'd notice tho. Elias is a HUGE eater...I mean HUGE...now he has what is probably considered a "normal" appetite for his age group...and eats HUGE amts on the weekend when he is not on his meds.

-The come down: Concerta is an all day, 12 hour pill. It releases slowly thruout the day so he need not take a pill at school. I give him his pill every school morning...at 7:15 or so...and at about 6-7pm that night he will become EXTREMELY touchy and irritable. That lasts for about a half hour to an hour...then he is like he is without medication.

I have a post on my blog about medication...and the entire DX experience...if you want to read it? You might poke thru several of them there as they could be helpful...

THIS LINK should bring you to all the posts I have tagged ADHD...they are in order by date oldest at the bottom...so probably start there. It was a LONG process on this end...

You can now submit your DX to your school so they can start getting his IEP (his special plan for advancement and management including detailed eval's and suggestions) and ARD (the meeting where you discuss the IEP and get "official" things set into motion) set up...basically, their responsibility in this, you should be heavily involved tho and NEVER forget that YOU are the only one in that school that is TOTALLY 100% commited to your son's side of things. They might love him dearly or be indifferent but at the end of the day they have to look to their own interests...meaning resources, budget, and time...remember that. Never lose sight of that.

Back to meds. I worried so so much that I would "lose" my son when we started them...that he'd become some zoned out wraith...not so. It cleared the fog if you will...quieted the noise and MORE of my son came to the fore. His humor...curiosity...interests...were MAGNIFIED, not diminished. In short the "static" went away and he could see clearly. I tell my son that his medication is like his glasses...it helps his mind to focus more sharply...see more clearly...and that is a good thing!

Important to note, the meds are for school only. I do not give on the weekend or vacations. IF he has something like a class or something on a given day where his focus is a benefit then I might give it then...but not ever is it a daily every day no matter what, thing here in this house. When he is not on them it is noticeable BUT he is actually getting better off them, as well...like he has felt what "focused" feels like...so he can work on it without the meds now.

You need anything from me feel free to PM me okay? ((hugs))

eta: Elias has ADD/ADHD combined type. It's confusing but one refers only to attention and the other refers also to an excessive hyperactive state manifested in constant motion...I never knew my son COULD be still til his meds started LOL. He was like a hive of bees...a constant muted buzzing of activity and now there are times where he still and quiet and he seems to relish those very much. I now see the frequent playing alone in his room for what it was...not a rejection of us, but an often futile attempt to try and focus himself, and still the buzzing and static...I am so happy that now he spends more time with us as an engaged, observant, happy boy

eta again! lol: Elias likes repetitive motion...it's calming to him. Consider buying your son a glider/rocker or a trampoline. Good ways to burn off some of that "edge" that can come. My son is a different boy even sans meds after a go on the trampoline...it's very interesting. Also things like working in playdough can help give constantly moving hands something to do...tracing letters in it can also build skills. They even sell those little trampolines you can use in the house...with a holding bar? That would be really cool for your son, I bet!!

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I don't know what other doc's counsel but ours was ADAMANT that they be used only when necessary. Their potential to stunt growth alone is a good reason but really...they do affect the body on many levels and are not harmless things long term. I plan of having E off them summer...aside from the odd class or such. Their little bodies do benefit from time off...esp if it affecting appetite and growth, as most do.

We still had to change the way we parent him because we don't want to HAVE to have him on meds to manage the situations and difficulties that arise. Just like with our pets...a tool is not a quick fix and you always have to learn about how to manage the behavior you are trying to change because at some point you want to be able to handle things WITHOUT the tool.

Parents have to try very hard, not see it as a crutch or way to a perfect kid, and it CAN be hard given how incredibly different many children are on meds...they have a specific purpose and that is for the learning environment. That's how I have come to think of it anyways

As to long term? We have a few members that are adults that took various ADD/ADHD meds as youngsters and I think most are off them now (folks?)...it DOES get easier and part of the whole process is learning how your child learns best so those methods can be applied in place of the meds at some point...even if it's by them personally as adults.

The meds themselves are high on the list of medications abused by people...esp adolescents and adults...so they are nothing to take lightly or overuse. We (in my town) must obtain a hand written scrip (no call in's or auto refill) no more frequently than every 30 days and take that to CVS within a set timeframe and the prepared scrip is kept "in the safe" lol. So yeah...serious stuff!

I just wanted to add, that you are a great mom for caring so much and being brave enough to seek out a diagnosis in order to move forward.

My FH has just ADD. So I know what that is like to deal with. He had quite a hard time in school. He is 31 now, so ADD wasn't nearly as well known or understood - teachers/authority figures just tended to write him off as a "bad kid". His mother did a lot of standing up and fighting for him to be where he is now. His parents actually ended up putting him in private school, which helped a whole lot, he went into the enriched/advanced program and did wonderfully once he had teachers that understood him. He is extremely intelligent in math, science, physics, that kind of stuff, but ask him to write an essay and it is extremely difficult for him. His parents tried medication with him for awhile, ridalin (sp?) but he HATED it, it made him a different person, so he quick taking it when he was around 16-17. I am not sure what age he started taking it. Again - I'm sure those medicines have advanced since 1980. I know his mom used to have to sit with him the entire time he was doing homework, to make sure it got done. She did it every night. He used to come home and have a cup of coffee and do his homework, coffee worked for him.

FH also had a few hobbies that he was able to focus on, he could focus intensely when talking about/doing his hobbies. He was a competitive freestyle skier and he breeds birds. He also mountain bikes, downhill and cross country. He was never into team sports, he wasn't competitive - I don't know if that was an ADD thing or just a "him" thing.

His mom was incredibly patient with him, she helped him get through it all, and as a result, they are extremely close. He learned to deal with it as a child and he went to college and is doing great now - so I'm sure your son will be just fine!! I would think he would have a much easier time in school as well, teachers are more aware now, and if you choose the medication route - they have come so far since FH was a child.

.stacer.

FH also had a few hobbies that he was able to focus on, he could focus intensely when talking about/doing his hobbies

This is a very Aspberger's thing to read we are somewhat doubtful of my son's AD dx because he simply lacks this aspect, but not everyone expresses it the same...but this is like a classic trait.

Concerta is a time released variant of Ritalin. Because of the way it's released slowly over time...it seems to have less of the "zombie" effect often attributed to Ritalin.

Many adults abuse ritalin derivatives because it really makes you focus, INCREDIBLY so...I understand it's super popular in college because of that. You can cram hardcore, on Rit. lol. And of course there's the appetite supression aspect that draws people too.

My husband worked with several people in the Banking industry who were prior medicated folks with ADD...all were super productive people...none were still on meds tho one did request it of his doctor who denied him because his doc said he was doing fine at work (he was) and the risk of dependence is not worth the minor upswing in productivity.

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rwbeagles

eta again! lol: Elias likes repetitive motion...it's calming to him.

Couldn't help but notice that line about liking repetitive motions.  When I was in middle school I made a close friend with a boy who had some combo of ADD/ADHD.  He was on a high dose of Ritalin have no idea what he was like off it, but on it and he was still the only person in my school career that could literally distract me in class.  Boy did we have fun.  Anyways, moving back to the repetitive motion, he was real big into origami.  He used to make all sorts of stuff, even in class because paper is one of the supplies you always have with you.  Looking back on it I can't help but think it was a way to help him cope/concentrate.  Once you learn the initial pattern for a certain object, it becomes something you can zone out doing.  There is a very relaxing nature to the repetitive nature to the folding and creasing.  Not to mention you gain 10 cool points in elementary/middle school if you can make the equivalent of toys out of paper.

I am ADD/ADHD.  I have mostly grown out of it now, and can cope well for the most part wihtout any medication, although I have had years and years to figure out what works for me and know my weaknesses and focus harder on them.   

I think Gina gave some very good descriptions based on her observations of what I went through on them as a child.  I took Ritalin from the time I was in about 2nd grade until I graduated from college and passed the CPA exam.  Like her son, I only took it for school or when I needed to focus.  It would only interfere with my sleep if I took it too late in the day and didn't have about an hour after it wore off before I went to bed and when I would start taking it again after being mostly off of it all Summer etc.  I would definately ask about the time released meds as they seem to have less severe side effects in general if I remember correctly. 

I took Strattera as an adult after I passed the CPA exam because I felt scattered and like I could never finish a project at work.  I took it for a few years, and although it helped me to be more organized, it did not give me the strong focus that the stimulant type medication did and it made me feel horrible as well!

I am so very grateful that my parent's took the interest to have me tested and decided to put me on medication.  I honestly feel that I would not be as succesful in life had I not had the upbringing and help that I needed through all those years.  I am glad they put me on the medication.  Even with medication and countless tutors, I still struggled in school.  It wasn't that I wasn't smart, I would say I am very smart, I just had trouble processing things in the same way that most do.  It really wasn't until I went to college that I finally really figured out what worked for me and how to actually retain information.  But without all those years of tutors and extra help, I am not sure I would have even known to try different things.  

I am now off all medication.  I do still feel scattered and easily distracted, but I don't have any trouble when I am working on a very hard and involved tax return focusing on it and getting it done.  I have some difficulty if I need to sit in a class for a long time and learn something new all day, but for me, as long as I am given the information, I can always go back to it later when I need it, and once I have used it, I tend to remember it.     

In my experience, many kids I know with ADD/ADHD and very very bright.  They may be misunderstood by a lot of people, but they are very smart.  Feel free to ask me questions if you need any sort of adult perspective on how it makes them feel from personal experience etc.  I am open to answer anything.  It was easier for me to understand how I felt on and off the meds once I was older, but Gina nailed it on the head I would say.

 ETA: I also likes repetitve motion and I would say I am slightly OCD as well.  My brother is also ADD/ADHD and is very OCD and that is all he takes medication for now.  I like routine/schedule as well.

You know I haven't bought a single book on that! I bought a bunch for the Asperger's because we kind of figured that was more the behavioral issue..but now I think on it so much of it, is the ADHD and the things we applied still work.

I wish I could help with books but I really don't know. I am looking thru E's report from the doc and all her recommendations were for dealing with the Asp.

For tantruming and out of control behaviors...we do a card system, red and green..they mean different things and we discussed prior to instituting the system...what they meant. I have some about that in the link I gave you.

Basically...heading off the problems, doing a lot of problem solving and social stories on what he SHOULD do when he is mad or angry or feeling out of control, etc, setting aside times when he CAN indulge in the hyper behaviors like jumping or running, etc...that really has helped here.

I think if you decide on meds...and he has started those...you will better know what kinds of things remain to be addressed and you can separate what is happening due to ADHD and what may be due to stress from the deployment etc. And kind of, go from there.

Positive...praise out the whazoo when something goes right...lots of cuddling, neutral voice tone, discussing bad behaviors after a cool down vs right then, etc...that always is a good place to start.

The most important piece of information you need is that you DID NOTHING WRONG AND ARE IN NO WAY RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS.

I know that meds have changed a lot since my son was on them.  He took Ritalin and in those days, or at least with my child, if he did not get his meds when it was time to take them it was an issue.  He NEEDED that stuff.

Diet made not a whit of difference.  Behavior mod, yes, very firm peramiters, yes, but in conjunction with the meds.

DS is now 30 and still exhibits some of the traits, such as a severe lack of organizational skills.

I'm on the far side of 50.  Same for me.  I was not ever diagnosed with ADHD, but when DS was, it was like looking in a mirror.  I have no organizational skills still, so I keep everything around me extremely organized.  My purse can be right in front of me, but if it isn't where I keep it, I simply cannot find it.  That's about the worst of it for me, although now and then my impulse control slips a bit......

boneyjean

ETA: I also likes repetitve motion and I would say I am slightly OCD as well.  My brother is also ADD/ADHD and is very OCD and that is all he takes medication for now.  I like routine/schedule as well.

The routine thing is why E loves school so much. He can do the same thing everyday. He comes home and for a certain period of time he will play school...he needs to do that, daily...to kind of let the "school' mindset go and transition into the home mindset. He will mimic almost every aspect of the classroom routine here at home...putting his chair up and then down...putting his things into a locker etc (repetitve motion). He NEEDS to do that and then he is fine. I have a feeling he will always be someone who needs routine and is comforted by it. His dad is very similar...even something like moving the furniture really stresses his dad out.

One thing that having a child with something like this does is open your mind and parameters as to what is "normal"...because you start to see we ALL...all of us..have little things we need in life to make us happy or feel secure. It has made me more compassionate to other of a certainty. It's helped us all grow as a family and it will you too, Shammy.

 

I emailed my daughter because my grandson is ADHD and I thought she might have some ideas for you.  I am going to copy what she send back and I will pm you her contact info.  He is now 12 and she has dealt with this since he was 6 or 7 I think?  I'm old and cant remember when he was diagnosed,

From my daughter, Heather

I’m not a fan of Stratera, that is what (no names, ex and his wife put him on meds without telling my daughter) had Colton on very first when I didn’t know and he was not right. Every other young child that I know that has been on stratera has not had good experiences. Colton had been on Concerta, Focalin, and now Vyvance. He did well with all of them it’s just as he has grown we have had to make changes. I would suggest an  extended release as I believe all of these are.  Focalin was what he was on first. I think he did the best on Concerta. I will look to see what book I have but it is focused more toward teens. My biggest suggestion is their routine needs to be as consistant as possible. Don’t get to frustrated and try to be as patient as possible it is more frustrating for the child than it is us. And diet helps by avoiding a lot of sugar and caffeine. He will shine in some things and there will be things that he struggles with. And with the meds it may take a while to get the dosage right.  I was very lucky to have the relationship with Colton’s teacher that I did. She helped a lot I trusted her opinion and it only took us about a month to get the dosage right for Colton.  Tell her she can email me if she needs to,…

Having a diagnosis is big....now you have a name for what is going on with your son.  As Gina will tell you when you read on Elias, knowing what it is and learning how to manage it is so much better than just thinking your son is not behaving or is out of control.   Coltie had the overactive bladder thing and bedwetting to his embarrassment when he started school.  He is such a bright boy and is carrying A's and B's in school now.  He is involved in Soccer and Track and has the sweetest disposition.  Not that there havent been adjustments but most children I know that have been diagnosed and treated with ADD/ADHD have been gifted in some manner whether it be artistically, musically, or just plain smart.  I know a man that is in his late 40's and he is ADD since childhood and he is a mathematical genius!  Has a career with a International company travels worldwide and makes bookoo bucks :)

We are with you, now take a deep breath and here we go!