Am I Being Unreasonable?

calliecritturs

The deal is often people will try to pick someone "really responsible" (and that's likely you) to go with figuring they won't get suckered with extra costs, but also they may think they can push the envelope with you and you won't get nasty. 

Callie this sounds like the deal to me...spot on.

Also the bit about the DH maybe having heard tales...yeah I can totally see that too, offices always have "guy gossip' and "girl gossip" and seldom do they ever get shared from the guy end, without thumbscrews being involved lol. Given this ladies record wouldn't shock me.

sillysally

I would actually love to go to the show with DH--we went together once back when we were dating and it was one of the best weekends we've had together,

If I were your husband, this is what would make me upset. I would be feeling like, "Didn't you have fun with me before? Don't you want to do it again? Why are you asking me to stay home when we have such a great opportunity to have another lovely weekend?" If I were your husband, my feelings would be pretty badly hurt if I had been anticipating spending the weekend with you and having a good time.

What about if your husband brought a male friend of his, and that way you guys could both have same-sex bonding, but sort of "together" at the same time? 

ottoluv

  I think you should do whatever you think is going to be the most fun for you.

I agree with everything that Gina, Callie, Kelly and the others have said, except this part (sorry Kelly). I think that when you're in a relationship, you no longer do anything that makes you happy without consideration for your partner. I know you didn't mean it that way Kelly, but I just think that this may be one of those times when it would be super fun to go on this trip and have a girlfriend weekend, but it may require you to discount your husband's concerns and ultimately leave him home feeling miserable. I just don't think there's anyway to spin that into something positive.

My husband every year goes to an away football game w/ his friends.  It's always a two nighter, one year he and his friends went to Florida (which sucked, since I wanted to go...LOL) and that's when a hurricane hit, and to get away from it they all went to Key West!  Uuuggghh, now I really wish I went.  But Bob's wife Eve, always gives him a hard time.  I don't care, it's been a tradition for these guys for like 10 yrs. now, maybe even longer.  I trust my husband, I have no problem.  The only problem I have is I don't have enough girlfriends that we can get together for a weekend getaway!!!  I want to sooo badly, but none of my friends seem to be able to, either they have committments (kids) or just can't get enough of them at the same time to do so.  But, he would be ok, with it, I have gone to Toronto, with my girlfriends in the past (long time ago) to see the Phantom of the Opera, and we had a great time.  We were only gone a weekend.  Of course, both my girlfriends called their husbands the two days we were there, I didn't call mine once.  LOL  I figured it was only 2 days.  So, I would just tell them to have their husbands call him and let him know I'm doing fine and see him when I get home.  lol 

I think you're right though, I think his problem with the girls weekend is "S", not necessarily you.  Hope he gives in and you get to go and have fun, every girl needs to have some fun w/ her friends...wish I could!

Well, I had a talk with DH about the whole thing.  He says that he was just a little hurt because he thought that we could go together, since we have limited time together during the week.  He claims he is over it though, so if I really would rather go with her than he will stay home and play video games without a fuss...

Men are weird..... 

So now you probably DO have the honest answer -- but now you walk thru the mine field of what to do about it.  If you don't decide to go with him, and now he KNOWS you know he was hurt, the tendency will be to think "Well she knew I really wanted to go ... why did she not put me before a crazy girlfriend."

Talking it out with him was the best thing to do -- sometimes it's SO hard to approach them about something like that.  I know David and I are a bit unusual in the fact that we always choose each other's company over same sex 'friendly' company ... but it heightens our relationship so much. 

We aren't what you'd call "buddies" -- but we've developed from a standpoint of like interests.  And we have more fun together than I've ever had with just a friend. 

But that's what makes it all so much of a challenge to live together!!  Growing as individuals and yet both going forward  ... it's an unbelievable challenge sometimes, but rewarding when it works.

calliecritturs

So now you probably DO have the honest answer -- but now you walk thru the mine field of what to do about it.  If you don't decide to go with him, and now he KNOWS you know he was hurt, the tendency will be to think "Well she knew I really wanted to go ... why did she not put me before a crazy girlfriend."

Talking it out with him was the best thing to do -- sometimes it's SO hard to approach them about something like that.  I know David and I are a bit unusual in the fact that we always choose each other's company over same sex 'friendly' company ... but it heightens our relationship so much. 

We aren't what you'd call "buddies" -- but we've developed from a standpoint of like interests.  And we have more fun together than I've ever had with just a friend. 

But that's what makes it all so much of a challenge to live together!!  Growing as individuals and yet both going forward  ... it's an unbelievable challenge sometimes, but rewarding when it works.

If you don't have kids, you and hubby can always do something together some other weekend.  Do something more romantic, or fun!  Always keep it fun!  That's why our friends look at us like, sh*t, they're still honeymooners!  That's right baby, that's right!!!

Janet808

If you don't have kids, you and hubby can always do something together some other weekend.  Do something more romantic, or fun!  Always keep it fun!  That's why our friends look at us like, sh*t, they're still honeymooners!  That's right baby, that's right!!!

And it takes both of you making *some* sacrifice to do this, but in my particular case, I hunted literally all over the world for a man who hates sports as much as I do.  It impacts so much of 'me' -- I'm not competitive in the least, I don't like to watch competitions, etc. ... and he's the same way.  He has a passion for live theatre which I've discovered I love as well.  I have the passion for pet therapy, HE has discovered *he* loves it hugely as well.  (Now given, I waited until I was 42, and my 2d marriage to finally get self figgered out, but it works.)

calliecritturs

Janet808

If you don't have kids, you and hubby can always do something together some other weekend.  Do something more romantic, or fun!  Always keep it fun!  That's why our friends look at us like, sh*t, they're still honeymooners!  That's right baby, that's right!!!

And it takes both of you making *some* sacrifice to do this, but in my particular case, I hunted literally all over the world for a man who hates sports as much as I do.  It impacts so much of 'me' -- I'm not competitive in the least, I don't like to watch competitions, etc. ... and he's the same way.  He has a passion for live theatre which I've discovered I love as well.  I have the passion for pet therapy, HE has discovered *he* loves it hugely as well.  (Now given, I waited until I was 42, and my 2d marriage to finally get self figgered out, but it works.)

Just my little 2 cents! I have worked in the public safety field for about 9 years now maybe your DH just knows how some of them can be? Those shows are usually packed with groups of firefighters just on the "prowl" and with your friends history I'm sure that makes him more nervous. Not saying his jealousy is right! Just an observation from attending alot of those shows before. :)

I didn't want anyone to think I was deliberately steering this off-topic ... but honestly, I think part of the whole thing is that on one hand it might look like I'm not 'balanced' in that I don't do a lot of chick-things and I don't strive to make a ton of women friends.  But given that I also have been married twice, I can tell you the sacrifice is no sacrifice at all -- in putting him 'first', he in turn puts ME first.  I'm a much better person being with him.  So, altho it might sound pukey and altruistic to say I wouldn't do something that might make hm feel bad (like in this case passing over his company for another female's) I wouldn't ... because I ultimately benefit too much by puttng him first.

Does that make sense??  At first read it sounds preachy and moralistic and it really isn't that way.

I've got a friend like this.  And, normally when she wants me to go somewhere with her it's not for my company.  It's just so she doesn't have to go alone.  She fully intends and tries to meet someone and when she does she disappears for long periods of time.  So, that might be something to think about too.  DH actually wants to be with YOU, you're not just someone to go with so he doesn't have to go alone. 

My company has a huge gala every year at a hotel downtown.  And, lots of the girls get rooms to stay overnight.  I stopped the overnights after I got married.  I just don't feel right anymore.