Eeek - I need help/input!

Honestly, I'm having a hard time figuring out just where your FMIL is coming from.  I know I wouldn't want to bring a 5 year old to a wedding and reception.  I'd  rather leave him with someone and be able to relax and enjoy the festivities ... but that's just me.

Joyce

stardog85

You all have been wonderful and great at brainstorming, but my fiance is being rather, umm, frustrating. We've come to some conclusions about how we're going to deal with this, but he's really rethinking his stance and regretting how this has developed so he's not as willing to back me up as I had hoped.

I can understand your fiance's rethink on this. This isn't just some 5 yr old. It is his brother and it is obviously important to his mother that he be there. Your fiance is in a tough spot trying to please both you and his mother. You may not be particularly fond of your MIL or your BIL for the reasons you have already stated but despite their shortcomings they are his immediate family and I'm sure he loves them both very much and does not want to hurt their feelings. Weddings are not simply the union to 2 individuals but a union of families. There needs to be a compromise and the options you have could work. Just becareful that you don't give the impression that you really don't want him there at all but will allow if they agree to your terms.

Good points, yes, but the kid is 5!  My maid of honor is getting married a month before me and even her son (close to the same age and VERY well behaved) is not likely to be at *her* ceremony, he'll be with a sitter.

 One of the things that makes this more difficult is that I never thought his mom was the type of person who would hold grudges, etc. like she apparently does and that makes me very sad.  I truly liked her and thought I was going to have a good MIL, despite the alcohol, until this whole issue came up.

Good luck, you've got some great ideas to work with. One thing I wanted to say, (been with my hubby for almost 29 years!) is that if your fiance truly doesn't want his brother there, then it's HIS responsibility to deal with him mom over the issue. You shouldn't have to be the bad guy. If he's changed his mind and decided it would be okay for A to attend, then go with one or more of the strategies that others have suggested to try and make it work for everyone.

My hubby and I decided a long time ago that we would not stick each other with our families - I deal with mine, he deals with his. Not that we don't both spend time with all of them, but if problems arise I would never think of making him deal with with my mom, and while he would probably love it if I voluntarily handled his mom on occasion, (and I have, she pushes his buttons), he doesn't expect that it will be MY problem to solve for him. If you've made a decision together that will be unpopular with one set of parents, whoever is related to them should be the one to deal with them over it.

Our relationship with each other comes first. If you're put in the position of forcing an issue with your future in-laws because your fiance is unwilling or unable to stand up to them, you're asking for trouble, if not now, then for sure somewhere down the road.