No More DH

I wish there was something I could do to make the hurt and disappointment less for you. You can't change someone, or expect them to change. I think this is one of the hardest relationship lessons a person can learn. I was once married (many years ago) and I thought we would grow and change together and boy was I wrong. It ended in a very emotionally difficult divorce. I left him everything and went to start my life fresh.

Today, I don't think I would have done it differently. I learned more than I could have ever hoped for from that experience. Look at the person you are with. Can you live with them the way they are right this very minute, for the rest of your life? Make sure you ask yourself that question in different situations. Even when you are fighting, ask yourself that question and if you don't come up with yes, then it's time to pack it up.

>>Even when you are fighting, ask yourself that question and if you don't come up with yes, then it's time to pack it up. <<
 
I am with you on that one.  One of the best skills one can develop is the skill to fight (disagree) with someone they love.  My ex and I were married way too young.  She was 17, I was 18.  We had a baby a year later.  I think, in the early years of our marriage, we didn't have the skill to fight with each other without being hurtful.  One of our best weapons was to dredge up past transgressions and throw them in the other's face.  Our inability to appropriately disagree with the each other did irreparable damage to our relationship.

To the original poster: (NOT BILLIE, hehe)

From your description it sure sounds like it is a darned good thing that you got rid of him! I'd be relieved, too! I have very little tolerance of abuse of any kind, and you should, too. NO abuse is "okay." NONE. Verbal, physical, emotional---all of it is NOT OKAY.

Just because we are women doesn't mean we have to put up with being treated poorly. Now I'm even more impressed that you got rid of him. VERY GOOD MOVE!

Assignment: Figure out why you chose this person to be your closest. Why do you think you chose someone like that? You might want to get counseling to help you figure out how NOT to pick the same kind of person again, but instead, someone who truly loves, values and respects you.

My heart goes out to you! I raised my son alone, too. Don't be too quick to feel you have to find a "daddy" for your son. I did that and it didn't work, either. Be strong on your own and you will learn a LOT.

BIG HUGS.

You might want to get counseling to help you figure out how NOT to pick the same kind of person again, but instead, someone who truly loves, values and respects you.

 
Excellent advice!  I went through a couple more relationships before I finally figured out what I was doing wrong - picking the same type over and over.  Fortunately, I was able to end those before things got too crazy (not married, not living with them).  Now I'm in an awesome relationship and couldn't be happier.
 

One of the best skills one can develop is the skill to fight (disagree) with someone they love.

 
Yes, it is.  In those relationships that didn't work for me, I wasn't allowed to disagree or have my own opinion.  I felt like I had to fight just to be heard, to establish that I was capable. 

Sorry about the ranting but I am in a state of confusion, Im not bouncing up and down happy that hes gone but Im sort of relieved, am I wrong?

 
Sounds like you made the right descision.  I hope you find that you are a strong, beautiful, independent woman.  And then you meet someone who loves you as you are.  A toast to your new life.  (insert champagne glass icon here.)

I think I know exactly why it is I always end up in these crappy relatonships: I always chose the 'bad boys' over the 'good boys'. I had an ex guy friend who was the total sweetheart, he was always very respectful, and the kind of guy that I could call up at 10 at night and tell him 'I have a craving for ice cream' and he would come dashing to pick me up and take me out. I mean the guy was even afraid to kiss me because he didnt want to ruin the "friendship" we had.
 
 I ended up not wanting him because he was "too nice" Do I know better now!
 
I will definately stay single for a long time to come, and wheen I do decide to let someone in my life again it will be someone who is crazy about my son, and my dog!
 
I couldnt stand the fact that he did not like Lizzie it really annoyed me. Im not weird am I?

I couldnt stand the fact that he did not like Lizzie it really annoyed me. Im not weird am I?

 
My first basenji was a b!7ch from hell.  She didn't like anyone.  I met a guy, he worked real hard on winning her over.  She decided we should keep him.  We did and she has since passed, but I still have the guy (and brindle basenji, another story) she picked out.