Calling off my engagement . . .

Minimom and Amy (kaykay)- Thank you. That was said so perfectly. We do have different priorities in life and completely different goals. And Amy, that is so true. I even thought that exact same thing last night, that he wouldn't take me seriously if I agreed to the break and that he would just do the same thing he's been doing. He would make his same promises and not change. He has no reason to change if he knows that I will stay around and put up with it.
 
Thanks to everyone. I really don't mean to get all mushy or anything, but I can't say enough how much this has helped me. I haven't talked in depth about my FEELINGS about this situation with many people. In fact, only just one other person and so this was very helpful. Talking about it so openly made it sink in so much more than just thinking about it in my head, over and over again. So, thank you. I really do feel much better about this and about my future. []

If this were the first time I had ever brought this to his attention, then I'd probably have done it. It's not though and it's not my fault he never listened or took me seriously all the times before.

 
I had a b/f who did this exact same thing.  We'd been dating for about 2.5 years, were planning to build a house together, then totally slammed on the brakes because of several things.  Took a 5 month break, in which time I bought my own house and moved.  Wrote him a note to tell him (mostly to "show him" that I was fine without his butt).  Got back together for about three weeks.  I laid everything out for him - I mean I really bared my soul - the first weekend.  The second week went fine, but by the third, he was back to his old way of treating me.  I sent him home (he lived 3 hours away), waited til the next night and then told him I didn't want to date him ever again.  He initiated the separation the first time and pretty much left me alone.   I initiated the final break-up and it was a completely different story.  He called me endlessly (I stopped answering my phone at home), sent flowers, even called me at work!  We had a disagreement when we ran in to each other at a local place we both happened to be and he had enough nerve to loudly tell me that I had mental problems!  I won't repeat my response because Jaime would delete it!  But my point is that he didn't like being the dumpee - all the things he did and said were supposedly not "his style".  Jerk-wad.
 
So, I whole-heartedly agree that you did the right thing!  Hasta lavista, baby!
 
PS: yeah, when you stuff out loud or write it down, sometimes it helps the lightbulb go on!  When you hear yourself or re-read it, you go "geez, I can't believe I've put up with that!"

Sylvia, with all due respect and not meaning to diminish your loss, the guy is 27 years old, lives with his dad, and doesn't have a job.  I surely can't be the only one here thinking,
 

Im glad you are feeling better about it!  Hope its going okay... be strong, dont give in to those crazy feelings and call him or anything, lol.  Sending STRONG thoughts to you!

Nope, haven't called him. I haven't even had the urge too, at least not yet. It did feel weird last night to absolutely know that he wouldn't be calling, but it wasn't a depressing feeling. Just out of the norm.
 
The weather has been really nice here and last night, at around 8 PM, Ash and I went for a very, long walk. It was really nice. I took her to a different area and we walked for a little over and hour and half. We usually only do 45 min to an 1. So it was good.

That strange and different feeling is going to be with you for a long while hopefully, it's called independence and self-assurance.  You did what you knew was going to be right for you and now you are going to have to settle in and enjoy that feeling.  I was told once and I've passed it on to others, but here it is for you.  There is nothing more beautiful in the world than a woman who is confident and comfortable in herself and who she is.  Take this time to discover you and everything will fall into place!  Those long walks with Ash are probably the best therapy you could possibly have, I know that there is nothing in the world more comforting than spending time alone with my dogs, it makes me want to be the person that they think I am. 
 
Congratulations on your decision, the kindness you showed to your now ex in being honest with him and your strength in being able to reconnect with yourself.  Now enjoy your time.

Ashland, Sorry I joined the thread so late, but I'm glad that you did not compromise your choice..
You should be very proud of yourself for standing your ground...
Remember that the most important person in the world is yourself, and always do whats best for you. 
If it is meant to be, it will somehow find it's way to coming true.
I have a friend who split up with her fiance for four years before they decided that they should get married. 
Life is just a bunch of choices...never look back, only forward.
Keep your strength up, hang on to your friends, and keep your head held high!! and remember...it is his loss!!!

I've been out of town for the last week and so I'm coming in a little late, but Ashland, I'm so impressed with you!  I just wanted to add that when you find yourself missing him, just make sure you realize that what you're missing is who you wish he was or wanted him to be. 
 
Really though, it sounds like you're doing just fine. 

Ash, I'm a Leo and BF of thirteen years is an Aries, and it works!  But, if my BF was doing what yours is, I would be saying bye bye in a big hurry.  From what you write, the problem isn't that he buys DVD's or wants a motorcycle, it's that he doesn't respect you enough to consult you on issues that affect both of you.  You can't build a relationship with one person wielding all that control.

Life is just a bunch of choices...never look back, only forward.

 
I totally agree, great way to live!  I need to keep that in my head at all times...

"I don't want no scrub,
a scrub is the kinda guy that can't get no love from me,
sitting in the passenger's side,
of his best friends ride,
trying to holler at me..."

This whole thread I just read through, and now this song is stuck in my head. I agree you were strong to leave. I don't understand why us stupid girls actually think they will change[] I have been there and done that. It didn't really hurt once we broke up. It not hurting that was the confusing part, for me.
I am so happy you disagreed to his terms, because I believe you are absolutely right, he would have thought he could walk over you more. At the very least, you are giving him a good opportunity to actually learn from his mistakes and actually treat a women with dignity, consideration and respect.
I hope you haven't over booked yourself, because you may not need to be so busy[]

Stella I haven't checked into your thread for a couple days but I think of you everyday, and I am glad to see you hanging in there.  My homelife is a train wreck right now, so I take joy at your progress.  (I would anyways)   Best to you, Jules

Way to go Ash!  You are so wise!  I am so impressed by you!
 
In the end,,,what is meant to be will be.     Hang in there,,,  keep yourself busy and try to forget those strange thoughts!    Think of wonderful thoughts everytime you think of him.  It will work!