Dog Community

Jokes, fun stuff

Posted : 12/24/2006 3:01:02 PM

The site is very informative and has lots of intelligent people on it. But it's a bit serious. I mean lay-out wise. Sometimes the individual posts are quite light hearted. But since its the festive season I thought, it's time to be jolly. Can we have a Jokes section or something? An area purely for off topic light hearted stuff? Or is that just a rubbish suggestion?

I know some really good jokes.

A woman takes her rottweiler to the vet to be examined. The vet picks him up and takes a look at him and says "I'm going to have to put him down" And the woman says "Oh my god no, why?" And the vet says (wait for it this is BRILLIANT) "Because he's heavy".

Oh gawd, talk about Laugh. I nearly wossnamed myself.

DPU

Posted : 12/25/2006 9:13:39 AM

This is one of my favorites.

There were two buddies one with a German Shepherd and the other with a Chihuahua. The guy with the German Shepherd says to his friend, "Let's go over to that restaurant and get something to eat." The guy with the Chihuahua says, "We can't go in there. We've got dogs with us." The buddy with the German Shepherd says, "Just follow my lead." They walk over to the restaurant, the guy with the German Shepherd puts on a pair of dark glasses, and he starts to walk in. The bouncer at the door says, "Sorry, man, no pets allowed." The man with the German Shepherd says, "You don't understand. This is my seeing-eye dog." The man at the door says, "Come on in." The buddy with the Chihuahua figures, "What the heck," so he puts on a pair of dark glasses and starts to walk in. Once again the bouncer says, "Sorry, pal, no pets allowed." The guy with the Chihuahua says, "You don't understand. This is my seeing-eye dog." The bouncer at the door says, "A Chihuahua?" The man with the Chihuahua says, "A Chihuahua??? You mean to tell me, that they gave me a Chihuahua?!"

WolfDog

Posted : 12/25/2006 4:40:48 PM

Oh, here's one.

A woman rushed to the vet's office, asking what happened to her poodle. The vet said, your poodle is dead. She didn't believe the vet, and aked for a second opinion. A cat walked in and sniffed the body, meowing, to confirm the vet. She still didn't believe the vet. She wanted yet another opinion. The vet brought a Lab in and he sniffed the body, like the cat, barked to confirm the death. The woman accepts it, and says, all right, how much do I owe you? The vet says $500. She is astonished by the price, and says "$500 to tell me that my dog is dead!?!?!". The vet says, "Well, it would've been just $50, but the extra $450 is from the cat scan and the lab test.

fuzzy_dogs_mom

Posted : 12/25/2006 4:57:21 PM

Those are all great! And we do have a section where it's fine to post jokes - NDR. Just start a new thread labeled "jokes" and I'm sure a lot of people will respond.

Joyce

DPU

Posted : 12/25/2006 8:24:51 PM

ORIGINAL: Chuffy

The site is very informative and has lots of intelligent people on it. But it's a bit serious. I mean lay-out wise. Sometimes the individual posts are quite light hearted. But since its the festive season I thought, it's time to be jolly. Can we have a Jokes section or something? An area purely for off topic light hearted stuff? Or is that just a rubbish suggestion? ...

.

Are you advocating taking the light-hearted posting out of the categories? Your posts seems to indicate to me you are down to business only person and there is a place for everything.

Chuffy

Posted : 12/25/2006 8:40:26 PM

Of course not. People can be as light hearted as they want. Banter and jokes isn't quite the same. Most of the forums don't leave a lot of room for just randomly telling a joke. And if you do, a lot of people won't see it because they won't know theres a joke lurking there.

amstaffy

Posted : 12/29/2006 12:42:43 PM

Jokes and lighthearted talk is why we have the NDR area...I'm also moving this thread there now as it would get more traffic theere and I know others will appriciate it

Michelle

Posted : 12/29/2006 1:27:02 PM

ORIGINAL: WolfDog
. . . The vet says, "Well, it would've been just $50, but the extra $450 is from the cat scan and the lab test.

ba dum pum! I'd heard that before but forgot the particulars!

g33

Posted : 12/29/2006 3:02:29 PM

I have 4 really great jokes but they're a bit R-rated and none of them are dog-related. OK to post or not?

gayle

Posted : 12/29/2006 4:44:06 PM

~doggie resolutions for the new year~

I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.
I'll remember that the garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff.
I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table.
I will not roll my toys behind the fridge.
I must shake the rainwater out of my fur BEFORE entering the house.
I will not eat the cats' food, before or after they eat it.
I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of clean carpet in the house when I am about to throw up.
I will not throw up in the car.
I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc.
I will not lick my human's face after eating animal poop.
"Kitty box crunchies" are not food.
I will not eat any more socks and then redeposit them in the backyard after processing.
The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.
I will not wake Mommy up by sticking my cold, wet nose up her bottom end.
I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell them.
I will not chew crayons or pens, especially not the red ones, or my people will think I am hemorrhaging.
When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down when it's raining outside.
We do not have a doorbell. I will not bark each time I hear one on TV.
I will not steal my Mom's underwear and dance all over the back yard with it.
The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are Mom and Dad's laps.
My head does not belong in the refrigerator.
I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's driver's license and car registration.

ron2

Posted : 12/29/2006 5:35:47 PM

A shabby bum walks into a bar with a dog. The bartender says, "Hey, we don't allow them in here."

The dog says, "I know but he keeps following me."

ron2

Posted : 12/29/2006 7:23:26 PM

This joke is fiction and did not actually take place but it is a joke that I made up.

I was in the grocery store and dropped a jar of salad dressing. Before I could get anyone to clean it up, a lady came around the end and down the aisle and slipped and landed right on her keister. I was going to help her up but my mother told me to stay away from fallen women.

Benedict

Posted : 12/29/2006 8:07:04 PM

The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.

[:'(][:'(][:'(][:'(][:'(][:'(]

GROSS! LOL!

Kate

WolfDog

Posted : 12/29/2006 11:46:54 PM

Uh, this is a stupid joke from my stupid school newspaper, but its kinda funny.
mom
"Why are you crying?"

kid
"I got in trouble for something I didn't do."

mom
"What? I'll have to call the school. what was it that you didn't do?"

kid
"My homework"

Stephanie Book

Posted : 12/30/2006 12:31:36 AM

This one's not very funny, but it is dog related.

A traveling salesman is walking down the street and when he gets to a house, he starts to open the yard gate, but notices a large dog lying under a bush in the yard, eyeing him. The man hesitates a moment, and calls out, "Is anyone home?" A man and his wife appear at the door say, "Come on in!" But the man asks, "What about the dog? Will he bite?" The man says, "We don't know, we just got him yesterday, but we're eager to find out!"