holidays depressing?

    • Gold Top Dog
    i guess what i meant by time with just my wife being lonely, is if we are staying home. because i know we will end up doing the same old things we normally do. now if it were just us and we were away somewhere, that would be totally different. [:)]

    i have been trying to convince my wife that we need an rv. so many places we like to go, it is hard finding rentals that will let you have a dog bigger than 25lbs. much less two dogs.
    • Gold Top Dog
    i guess what i meant by time with just my wife being lonely, is if we are staying home. because i know we will end up doing the same old things we normally do. now if it were just us and we were away somewhere, that would be totally different.

    i have been trying to convince my wife that we need an rv. so many places we like to go, it is hard finding rentals that will let you have a dog bigger than 25lbs. much less two dogs.


    Somehow work to convince her...it has been the best thing for our relationship since getting the dogs.  It is so hard to vacation when you have dogs and that is something we always missed...now we go every 3-4 weekends just about an hour and a half from our house and it is such a great way to relax and still include the furkids. 


    • Gold Top Dog
    if you dont mind me asking, how big is your rv?

    there are plenty of nice destinations within a short drive of here. ~1 hour to many places in the mountains. ~2.5 hours to the beach. florida is not that far away. the outer banks of nc are pretty close. plus one of our grandsons live in kansas now, and it would make it easier to visit him if we could take the dogs rather than board them someplace.

    i think the biggest thing is her aversion to camping. but she has only ever been camping in a tent. tent camping and rv camping are very different. i have done both, and enjoy both.
    • Gold Top Dog
    Our RV is 30 feet and I wouldn#%92t want to go any longer than that because it can limit the places we can go (some places don#%92t have many sites for anything over 30 feet). Our is older and the only thing I wish it had was a slide, but even though t can be a bit tight with the dogs, we all do just fine.

        DH and I are HUGE fans of tent camping and packing in and all that and we actually use to feel sorry for the folks who would go in the RV#%92s because we felt their trips were perhaps lacking in the beauty of having only the bare necessities and sleeping under the stars …BOY WERE WE WRONG!!![8D]

      With our last set of greyhounds we use to tent camp and it wasn#%92t always the easiest.  These 2 guys have “issues” with strangers and other dogs so when DH#%92s aunt offered us an amazing deal on their RV we jumped at it.  We expected to be disappointed by not having just a sleeping bag and tent and lying there looking at the stars all night in the warmth of the mummy bags, but honestly it was not disappointing at all.  If your wife doesn#%92t like to camp…it won#%92t matter in the RV. She can have all the comforts of home…we cook full blown meals just like at home, bring DVD#%92s and I just got a new phone tonight with full high speed internet and e-mail so that when we are away we can even have this convenience!

      Perhaps you could convince her to rent one for a week and just see how you guys like it.  The first day or two is tough because you don#%92t know how to do anything, but you quickly learn!   The other nice thing is that having both indoor and outdoor living spaces allows more space and privacy for each of you to have.  There are some days where ½ the day one of us is in the hammock outside under a tree reading while the other is watching TV or a movie or even just taking a long relaxing nap.  It was harder to have that “space” when packing in!![;)]
    • Gold Top Dog
    well they weren't ever to me, until today. we celebrated with my grandma today, was great, good food, my babies got cute toys and clothes.until i was in her spare room changing the wee-est babe. there was a picture on the wall that seemed so much bigger then usual. it is of my older brother, my only sibling who passed away 5 years ago. he was staring right at me, it was horrible and i couldnt be emotional because everyone is so sensitive about it, i did not want to ruin christmas, so i just kind of bottled it in until now. holidays can really suck sometimes.

    sorry, i was just reading this and had to get that out. holidays have never been bad for me, and i have always dealt with my brothers passing with such dignity, but for once it really hurts.
     
     
    even more wonderful this holiday season, my kids only living uncle (no aunts), my BIL who is a huge POS who has stolen numerous things from his family, including the diamond necklace i got for x-mas a few years back (mentioned in another post, my dog destroyed the package on x-mas morning before we got up) and is freakin drug addict is getting out of prison on parole in 2 days. merry christmas to me [sm=banghead002.gif]
    • Gold Top Dog
    My husband and I are quite "alone".  I've never been able to have kids, and I'm an only child.  My folks are up in NY State and we're in FL and that's pretty much how everyone gets along best (I went home in September for the first time in eight years and we "survived" it -- and that's being generous).  David's Dad and sister have both passed away in the last 18 months and his sister is in Canada and travels all over the world for her job (and that's how she likes it).
     
    We do the "opening packages on the phone" thing with my folks.  But beyond that, we pretty much have learned to make OURSELVES happy.  Honestly I've learned that from my husband. 
     
    I'm a 'People person' -- so I completely understand what you say about being "lonely" -- but we decided long ago to put ourselves in the best place for US and we literally "make" our own traditions and good times.  Family can 'disappear' -- either you lose them to illness or someone's job can change, etc. 
     
    This sounds cold, and I don't mean it that way.  My point is when you find yourself being 'depressed' or sad or lonely look inside yourself and decide what it is that makes you feel that way and change it.  If you are longing for times past, missing someone in particular or the camraderie you used to enjoy but have no longer -- then incorporate something into the day in honor of those times (particularly that person whom you've lost) and get in the face of that loneliness and shake it a bit.
     
    David and I take a mini-holiday at Thanksgiving -- I call around and figure out what theme park or "thing" is gonna be open on Thanksgiving, and what motel we can go to that will welcome the THREE dogs with open arms (LaQuinta and Best Western can be the best of all, with some of the Comfort Inn chains close behind -- but LaQuinta is super).  I round up a place to have 'dinner' and we just take off and MAKE our own good time being together.
     
    Why?  Because Thanksgiving got harder for *me* than Christmas.  No way two people can have a big "family" Thanksgiving dinner with all the trimmings.  My husband is British and he just plain does NOT *get* Thanksgiving.  The whole idea of watching the parade together, cooking and spending the day 'together' as a family -- I spent about 5 years after we got married HATING it and it just set the whole Holiday Season up for trauma and sadness. 
     
    Finally I said to him one year, this has GOT to stop! (he had even WORKED on Thanksgiving because 'who cares? it's the same bloody parade EVERY year, why is it such a big deal -- YOU watch it!').  I blew my stack but he finally understood I was battling some major lonely emotions and realized he had to make the effort for MY mental health. 
     
    But every year we've had a blast and altho he's still not a '"thanksgiving day parade" fan he LOVES going away with me and the dogs.  We kinda deliberately don't 'do' exactly the same thing every year just because that, too, sets you up for loneliness when you can't DO that thing one year. 
     
    Christmas is similar -- altho we don't try to go away.  But in Florida you find that since the weather stays 'warm' you have to make a real effort to DO "Christmas-y" things to get in the spirit.  So we seek out things like area church live Nativities, or the holiday lighting a couple of the theme parks do (Cypress Gardens and Silver Springs), or literally any thing we can find to 'do' and we deliberately make it an event. 
     
    You might say "well I'm not in Florida and there's nothing like that here to do" -- but my point is it's the effort.  If renting a house at the beach holds alure DO IT.  Spend some time THIS year going to visit places to rent for *next* year.   I find with me just putting a plan into action is about the best thing to make a difference.  So even scoping things out to do NEXT time can give me time to plan so I can avoid the 'crap' in future. 
     
    When you are blending families *with* a new marriage sometimes it takes sheer creativity to force yourself out of your comfort zone. 
     
    When David and I got married ten years ago, altho I had a TOUGH time dealing with the incredibly different customs.  I'm ethnically primarily British (English, Irish, Welsh, Scot with a bit of French and a big dollop of German thrown in) BUT wow -- David's customs were incredibly different and it was VERY tough.  I was pretty well lost in some depression for several years -- nothing in my past had prepared me for it altho my Christmases had never been particularly happy or wonderful . 
     
    It won't necessarily take major changes -- but orchestrating some will likely help.  And it's like I said -- you may even want to think about doing some things that may result in permanent changes (and volunteering does come springing to mind) that you do once at Christmas and then just plain "continue" later on (that's how we began several of our pet therapy things, but that's only one potential).  TRAINING classes so we could *do* pet therapy is another 'change' we've made that we really enjoy.
     
    Convince your wife that the RV may help you make changes AS A COUPLE that will improve your relationship quality.  Someone said 'rent one for a week' -- that's likely what it will take. 
    • Gold Top Dog
    i will look into renting one. right now, my wife just started a new job so it may be summer or so before she has any real time off.

    thanks for all the suggestions. i may start looking now for a good place to go next christmas. i am hoping that clemson will make one of the bowl games in florida. maybe if they do we can spend a week somewhere in florida, and get to see the game (hopefully in our new rv[;)])! [:)]
    • Gold Top Dog
    I think a lot of people are feeling *rushed* right about now.  It's that dang fifth Thursday in November. Having that extra week between Thanksgiving and December 1 always makes me think I have way more time than I do, and it comes back to bite me big time.
     
    Joyce
    • Gold Top Dog
    I work for a Florida attorney so he's GO GATORS all the way .... so I'm a smart girl and I don't say nuffin abouts no cats n'or dogs ... nuhhhh uhhhh, no indians neither!!!! LOL
    • Gold Top Dog
    This makes the second December in a row in which I have been out of work. I hope to change that pattern, lest I develope an anxiety about December. I like the holiday, though I sometimes get rushed in preparation.
     
    One thing I can think of that can change a person's spirit is to help those in need. There are people scrambling to have enough to eat, let alone have gifts. Helping them is a gift that you can give yourself. That is, in the midst of melancholy, you can find someone that has some more immediate concerns that could use some help. And they won't care if you find holidays depressing, so you don't have to be "sweetness and light" or any forced emotion. They will appreciate the hot meal and the helping hand.
     
    My first wife had approx. $10k in fine clothes. They went to a family outreach center. For literally a couple of dollars or even the use of a Lone Star card, a hard luck woman could get excellent clothes to make a winning impression at her next job interview and get out of the hole.
     
    Not looking for kudos but I've lost count of the number of times I have stopped to help fix someone's car on the side of a road. Busted radiator hose 20 miles from anywhere. Flat tire in an area where people normally exceed the speed limit (it was a pregnant mom with two kids in the back seat), busted radiator drain plug, again, in the middle of nowhere. They only get my first name. When it's fixed, I'm off like a shot. "Hit-and-run" chivalry. The reason to mention this is to find in the holiday something that is good for you and hold onto that.
     
    • Gold Top Dog
    I don't get depressed, but I do get extremely stressed and anxious and angry.

    Growing up, it was just me and my parents. I'm an only child and we don't live anywhere near any of our extended families. For a few years my grandfather would visit for the holidays, but after while he was too infirm for that and then he passed away, and we were back to the low-key three-person holiday. I loved it. We all had time off just to be together and have fun, and it was just all about relaxing and having a holiday. There were no obligations.

    But now I've married in to a large Italian/Irish family and all bets are off. Christmas every year has become just incredibly stressful. We do not have much money but we feel obligated to spend more than we should because there are so many people to buy for. At least, it seems like a lot to me because I'm used to just buying for my parents and that's it. Now I've got a nephew and sister and brother in law, and two sets of parents, and sometimes aunts and uncles and cousins, depending on where we're spending the actual holiday. A zillion greeting cards, cookies, parties, hostess gifts. It's just ridiculous. I totally hate it.

    I'm not religious so I feel sort of forced into this ritual that I'm not really sure I'm that in to, and I feel judged by the in-law family over the gifts I give and who I send cards to and when, and how I act. Every year we go in to debt to do this and I completely hate it.

    I would rather just have a nice visit and dinner and go on our way. I don't need to get any gifts and I can't really afford to give any. We're trying to buy a house this year and spending $500 on rituals surrounding a holiday that I'm not all that keen on is really chafing me.
    • Gold Top Dog
    I'm not big on Christmas either.  Childhood sucked, another alcoholic household here, and not many relatives to boot.  We had to decorate the tree to my dad's exact specifications - no homemade or fancy ornaments, just gold tinsel & balls one year, silver tinsel & red balls the next.  This method alternated for years.  We couldn't tear the paper off the gifts - we had to carefully remove the wrapping paper and save it for the next year.  My brother and I were always given identical gifts, except for the clothes that were gender specific.  If he got underwear, I got underwear.  If he got a coloring book, I got a coloring book.  After my mom died (when I was 13), we were always reminded how much everything cost.
     
    When my son was young, I enjoyed it more - it was fun getting up early and watching him dig into the gifts.  Our tree looked different every year.  As he got older, it was less enjoyable because he was affected by peer pressure - gotta have the latest and greatest gift.  I have always tried to get him at least one major item on his list, but am a single parent of limited means and even though I do the best I can, he seems disappointed more than anything.   Two years ago, he threatened to kill himself with one of our kitchen knives in a fight that started over him snooping through the gifts and not seeing what he wanted (he was 16).  He spent that Christmas in a psych unit.  If I had any Christmas spirit left, that just about wiped it out for me.
     
    The other thing I dislike about the holidays is the annual visit with my brother and his wife.  To put it nicely, we live in two different worlds.  He works for Chrysler, has a lot of money.  I live simply.  They have no kids and talk endlessly about their cats.  My SIL feels compelled to try to parent my son for the 3 hours a year we spend together.  I feel like both of them look down their noses at us.  I always say I'm the trailer-trash little sister.  My brother seems to think that this annual visit is the key to keeping "our family ties."  He just about had a heart attack last year when we couldn't make it on the original scheduled date and I said wait until after the New Year.  Every year he wants to meet up at the same restaurant (halfway between our homes), calls it "our tradition".  This year I finally told him that it's his tradition, not mine, and I wanted to meet somewhere else.  We did.
     
    This year I hope to be able to work at the animal shelter for a few hours.  My son wants to open gifts on Christmas Eve because I think he has plans for the 25th.  I don't really care - I haven't got him a single present and don't have a tree up either.
     
    At work, two of my co-workers usually decorate, but I make them keep the stuff out of my office. 
     
    I'm not a Scrooge, but like I said in another topic, the frenzy I see around me is not to my liking and if you can't be decent to me on Dec 26th, then I'd prefer not to be involved.
     
    • Gold Top Dog
    we were always reminded how much everything cost.

     
    My grandmother and step-grandfather are like that. Even when we were kids. I don't know what a 13 year old without money or a job was supposed to accomplish but that wasn't their concern. Growing up during the Great Depression has certainly marked some people.
     
    For some reason, I have developed a teflon coating and those things don't bother me so much. Then again, I don't see my grandparents, anymore. I'm just not the type to keep up with toxic family for the sake of "family ties." I'm like you. If you can't be nice to me the rest of the time or at least this one day, what's the use of continuing agony. I visit friends for Christmas and leave with a good feeling. Maybe that's why I don't have a negative view of the holidays. I choose who I spend it with.
    • Gold Top Dog
    ok in the vein of  changing christmas traditions or creating new ones. i found a place that i just started hyping my wife up about going to next christmas (man is that looking too far ahead or what?).....
    http://www.thecapeescape.com/index.html

    they have 4 pet friendly rentals and the beach is described as "#1 Dog Friendly Beach in America by K-9 Magazine"

    keep your fingers crossed and i will be laying in the sand listening to the waves next year. instead of being depressed because of family conflicts and obligations.