Some thoughts

I was born in july of 1957, I would not have changed a thing. I went through the drug scene, hippy clothes, the far out era.

I was born in April of 1957, so I totally agree.  I'm so glad that I didn't have to worry about designer clothes or driving a BMW to school.  Heck, my biggest gripe was wanting Levis instead of Wranglers.  If I was allowed to borrow the family car, it was expected that I'd fill the gas tank up to where it was when I took it.  I had chores around the house and even took care of mowing the backyard with a push mower!!  No one I knew stayed out past midnight, even on weekends.  The teenagers in my neighborhood don't even go out until 10 PM and aren't home till the wee hours.  Then they sleep till noon.  My dad used to bang on my bedroom door at about 7 AM on the weekends and say "are you gonna sleep the whole day away?"   30+ years later and I still can't sleep in [:@]

   My dad used to bang on my bedroom door at about 7 AM on the weekends and say "are you gonna sleep the whole day away?"   30+ years later and I still can't sleep in  

Hey at least you made it until 7AM.  I could have worked until midnight the night before and we were up by 630 and being called lazy because we weren't "morning people."

Back to the OP:  This is sort of a subject that comes up with some of my friends and I, but in a different vein.  I play roller hockey, and though I'm not a highly skilled player, I'm a good teammate and I know my role(s) and play smart.  I used to watch some of the highly skilled guys play and say "I wish I had that much skill" or speed or whatever.  Then my friend turned to me and said "If you or I had that much skill, we wouldn't play as smart as we do now...we wouldn't need to and wouldn't have learned the game"

The point being: we can lament the facts of life as it relates to us but if things were to change, we would change commensurately as well.  I'm proud to say that I was born in 1968, in a small town in New Mexico.  I'm not proud of alot of the things I did growing up (it was the 80s and I don't remember a whole bunch of it) but without those experiences I wouldn't have the perspective that I have now.

I agree that kids these days have it too easy in some respects and too hard in others.  They don't have to use their imaginations much-they have video games, computers and whatever.  But they have to watch their backs when they go to a dance, a football game, the mall, or even to school.  There's trade-offs.  We've decided, all of a sudden, that every kid has ADD or ADHD or clinical depression.  I thought that was part of growing up.  These days it's a reason to medicate.  That teaches kids that most problems can be solved with a bottle or a quick cure: better living by chemistry.  You can buy microwave mac and cheese.  It takes what...8 minutes to make mac & cheese normally?  Now you can make it in 90 seconds.  Parents buy into their kids lives with games and such because they're not there when the kids get home from school-the parents are at work.  They let them sleep until 4:00 PM on the weekends because that's the only peace and quiet the s get at home.  Sad but true.

I'm not a big fan of where we're at now, but there is hope.  I do know alot of good kids out there, as I used to coach kids roller hockey.  There is good out there, Good and politeness, respect and kindness.  The problem is that kids feel neglected and disrespected and that gets reinforced at school and we, the s, have to earn the respect that we used to freely give when we were younger.  Perhaps that's because at 7AM on a Saturday we were a bit too tired to fight about it.  []

I spend about 25.00-30.00 on my DSs for their birthdays and about 100.00 each for Christmas.  I don't buy them the latest gadgets.  Heck, they pooled their saaved up allowances for their own DVD player because they wanted to take some movies up stairs and I was SICK of hearing the Simpsons for the 900th time!

DS#1 is getting exactly ONE thing for Christmas--a Kapote. That is a handmade coat a friend makes for the Boy Scouts out of Pendleton blankets.  It costs 100.00 (she gives Scouts a price break!), so other than the little trinkets he will be getting in his stocking, he will get nothing else from us. He's actually getting it early since he needs it for a meeting this weekend.

Our boys are very realistic in that they know we will give them the things that are needed but not too much in the WANT category.  For example, I will buy Walmart brand jeans since both kids are so hard on them it doesn't make sense to buy the 60.00 ones when they wear out at the same rate at the 15.00 ones.  They both cheerfully wear the thrift store stuff as well.  Heck, 
they look like homeless kids half of the time, but that is by choice.  They DO have at least one pair of jeans without holes in them![]

DH grew up in the town in Oregon that has the highest per capita income in our state.  We moved from there partly to ensure that our boys didn't have the sense of entitlement that many kids there have ("I have just turned sixteen.  Where's my new car?").We moved to a small town twenty five miles and fifty years away from this sort of nonsense. We still know our nighbors and I will find out of my kids have been into mischief BEFORE they are home because a neighbor will let me know of it! We help each other as well.  My boys helped soem neighbors stack wood without expecting to get paid.  The neighbors did give them a few bucks, but the point is, they volunteered to help out.

Each generation believes that kids are going to hell in a handbasket.  Look at the writings of the ancient Greeks; it is mentioned that "kids these days"...Most kids turn out to be decent, law-abiding citizens.

Also, FWIW, I attended both DSs school conferences today and ALL of their teachers praised their manners, respect and general deportment.  I was very proud of them!

I agree with those who say this is not a problem specific to this time.   I also think that looking at facts vs. myths is productive in alleviating a lot of fears.   In the US (and many other countries), for example, crime rose in the 60s and 70s and fell drastically in the 90s.  According to crime statistics, you were safer from crime in 2005 than at any other time in the past 20 years.   In Canada, which already has a low crime rate for a Western country, 2001 was the safest year of the last 25 years.   (If you want more information about the causes of crime rate changes in Canada, this is a great study:   [linkhttp://champpenal.revues.org/document448.html#tocto4]http://champpenal.revues.org/document448.html#tocto4[/link] .   You might also want to look at this 2005 report from Statistics Canada:  http://www.statcan.ca/Daily/English/060720/d060720b.htm )  As for the specific crime of child abduction, abduction by a parent isn't all that rare.   However, the crime that creates a panic - abduction by a stranger - is very rare and there is no evidence that children are at greater risk now than 30 years ago.   What there definitely has been an increase in is news media reporting, sensationalism and popular panic about stranger child abductions, panics that create the illusion of an epidemic.   It has become a "public" crime.   Child molestation and sexual assault, both of which are more likely to be committed by someone you already knows rather than a stranger, are issues that have greatly benefitted from increased awareness in terms of changing legislation, popular and clinical understandings of these crimes, tremendously increasing the number and quality of resources available for victims of these crimes and by decreasing the stigma surrounding them.   The report, arrest and conviction rates for these crimes are largely meaningless in indicating how often these crimes actually happen, but I have seen no evidence that there is an increase in frequency.   What we almost definitely see is an increase in the number of people who report these crimes rather than dealing with it alone.

I was born in Sweden in 1980 and moved to the US when I was 6.   I thought that in America there was a pretty big chance of getting kidnapped or killed and I thought everyone had guns because that was the cultural mythology I grew up seeing in American media and news.   My parents had the same worries so they were very overprotective - I wasn't allowed to do *anything* alone until much later than my peers.   But all my friends who rode their bikes around town and went to the pool and to the mall were all fine, just like I was, because almost all the threats were imaginary and we were actually very, very safe.

While politics, violence, the environment and human rights greatly concern me, on a day-to-day basis I think most people are good and just trying to make it through life while dealing with the world.   I know I meet a lot of fascinating, sweet people.   The actions of teenagers are pretty much the result of a developmental stage and not an indicator of what kind of people they will spend the majority of their lives being (thank god - I would hate myself if I stayed the same as I was in high school).   I experimented with plenty of things, as did most people I know (including my aunts and grandparents) and I think we all turned out pretty well.  I mean, I'm one of 140 people in my organisation who volunteer to help feral cats and there isn't anything special about me - I oversee people who go out at night in scary neighbourhoods in the snow and rain and cold to FEED CATS - so there must be an awful lot of goodness and kindness in the world.   I see it in my family and my friends and in strangers every day.

Also, if politeness is a concern, you're so lucky to live in America or Canada!  They are so polite compared to Sweden.

Heinlein once said that teenagers, especially boys, should be raised in a whiskey barrel and fed through the tap hole. When they turn 18, you have to decide whether to let them out or drive in the plug.

ORIGINAL: inne

I thought everyone had guns because that was the cultural mythology I grew up seeing in American media and news.  

we do. you just may not know it. (concealed weapons permit) [][]

I remember my parents being worried about my generation. I was born in the early 60's and I now have 2 teenagers and a 12 year old. Things don't seem too different to me, in some ways they even seem better.  My neighborhood is full of kids out playing everyday, we also don't have teenagers hanging out on the corner at night doing bad things like I did as a teen. I know I and a lot of my friends know what to look for in our kids unlike some of our parents did. 
My son is 17 and believe me he is no angel, but I have to say he is better than I was at his age.  He doesn't know I can see his my space and I do check his room and car ocassionally. I know a lot of people don't think that's right, but I want to know if the boy is in or headed for trouble, maybe I can help him before it gets out of hand.  I do the same with my girls. 
My house is full of kids a lot and I don't see any disrespect, I wouldn't allow it either. We do spend a lot at Christmas and the kids appreciate it, I also know if money was short I could tell them it was going to be a sparse Christmas and the kids would be understanding. My son bought his own car last year and will be paying for his college with student loans, we told him if he got decent grades we would, at the end of 4 years pay half of those loans. . My son doesn't try his best at school so we don't want to put the school money up front in case he doesn't give it his best shot. My daughters try harder and will probably get scholarships.