Worst Parent Ever-update page 2

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shamrockmommy

thanks to everyone. I am trying to keep my chin up but my heart is broken. It looks like I stirred up a bunch a trouble, maybe I shouldn't have bared my soul on the internet. :( Trying to hang in there a few more weeks.

I know it sucks. You aren't out there trying to mess up. You probably have more stress going on there than most parents have. If you weren't under all that stress, and your kids as well, things may have worked out just fine. I work with a lot of kids whose parents obviously must have known what they were doing, since the other kids turned out just fine. They tried those same things with these kids, and things didn't turn out fine. These kids are special situations, because they have a disability. Maybe your son has a disability, and on top of that, he has the issues with his dad being gone.  None of them are bad parents because they need help, nor are you. I don't know of how it works where you are, though I might also suggest that if counseling is available to you as well, you should take advantage of that. If your son does receive a diagnosis, you might want to look into any other services that might be available outside of the school. Here we have wrap around that will provide services for the child and family, but over in NJ, the person doesn't even deal with the child. She only comes in and suggests things that are common sense stuff, and if they worked with this kid, he wouldn't need all the services he is getting.

In our school district they do NOT evaluate for conditions such as ADHD or Asberger or any of those type conditions.  They do evalutate for learning disabilities.  Honestly I would not trust a school social worker to make that evelauation either -IMO it is too important of a diagnoses.  Cody is ADHD but has no learning disabilities, he does get lot of extra help though.  He scored low on working memory and recall which is common for ADHD but not low enough to classified for this disability, without the ADHD eval he could have gotten some remidial help but classification help.  However, being ADHD they pushed him to classifed anyway and he gets lots of great support from the school.  This is NOT a label it is a necessary and very important step to your childs education.  It give us parents so much more control to supporting and advocating for our children!

Watching other children with ADHD and then yours is not fair.  ADHD comes in all types and you cannot compare.  There are children with inattentive, implusive and hyperactivity or combined type.  My son is inattentive/impulsive but not hyper - his peers with hyperactivety aren't inattentive they are completly different acting children.

It won't hurt to have him eveluated and I would suggest again a child development center and a Neurodevelopmental Pediatrian they can diagnose all conditions not only ADHD.  Once you rule these out, you will have a clearer picutre of what you need to do with your son going forward.  Normal general parenting without the knowledge of such other conditions will fall short and probably not help either of you or the school thur this.

I knew my son stuggled with impulsivity and focus from a early age and I also know that maturity can be the reason for this.  I listen to the school in Kindegarden and did not act.  I waited for 1st when the signs were worse and stronger, had him evaluated and ignored casue I didn't want to beleive it.  I did not want to medicate!  I tried other alternative for a year, including summer tutering, diet, vitamins etc with no improvement.  Had him evaluated again, diffenent center - and again same diognoses.  I got real, took control and did what I had to help my son and for us it was the best parenting desision I have ever made for mys son.  You have to rule out all possible reasons for why your son is acting they way he does and a simple evaluation by an objective and certified specialist is important, again IMO.  Don't be closed minded and don't push something under the rug because your afraid of the outcome just put it all on the table and then work towards the greater good.    Depression could be what your dealing with and it has all the same flags - these disorders all can be eveluated by an Neurodevelopment Ped. these are not Neurologist they are develpmental specialist.  Best of luck and its not your parenting, its just getting to the bottom of things which requires ruling out everything else.

Actually,  according to IDEIA (Individuals with Disabilities Improvement Act) school districts are required to evaluate suspected disabilities in the catagories defined by the law.  Those catagories are nicely defined in this link.

http://www.nichcy.org/disabilities/categories/pages/default.aspx

 Asperger's is considered under autism.  Nonverbal learning disability is typically combined in the specific learning disability catagory.  In many states, attention disorders are addressed under other health impaired. 

I am quite sure that your district does provide evaluations in all catagories, they really dont have a choice.  If a student comes to school with a medical diagnosis of an attention disorder the district may approach services under section 504 of the rehabilitiation act.  This legislation provides accommodation plans for student who do not need "specially designed instruction" (this is the language from IDEIA which is part of the determination of eligiblity).  Students who can handle the general education materials and need support are typically served by an accommodation plan AKA a 504 plan.

Yes, the child find act. But It is important to realize, however, that although the schools have an affirmative obligation to evaluate a child only if school personnel suspect that the child might have ADHD or any other disability that is adversely affecting educational performance. That means the child must be having difficulties in school. Those difficulties include social, emotional, and behavioral problems, not just academic troubles. My son's issues were primarily social with some academic.  Either way, I would not trust that eveluation to my school district - ewe..  JMHO.

I am sorry that is your situation.  Schools must provide evaluation services if students are suspected of having disabilities.  To have a disability you must meet three criteria:  a need for specially designed instruction, adverse effect on progress in general curriculum and meet the criteria for a recognized disablitly catagory.  

If a child is holding their own, it is very possible the district will determine that there is no reason to suspect a disability condition.  The law was designed to prevent the segregation of students with mental retardation and other disabilities that required specialized instruction (sign language, braile etc) who had been denied access to publis schools.  There was an educational system for them, but it was not public schools.

If a child is making progress (which can be defined differently by different people), the special education services may not be warranted.  Not all kids who struggle meet the definition for services even if there is a "difficulty" verses disability (as defined in the statute).

Schools do make mistakes, just as another person or organization.  To those following this thread, you owe to yourself and your child to at least approach the public schools.  If things dont work you can press the issue or choose an alternate option.  It is your choice.