Prayers for my friend please

I know what you mean about not realizing how young someone was when they died -- I had a friend in high school whose mother died of brain cancer a few years before we met (I think my friend was about 10).  She spoke of her mother's death relatively often, and I definitely recognized the gravity of her loss, and I felt sorry for her when she described her mother's condition or when she'd talk about having to go to her father with issues that a mother might handle.  However, it wasn't until I was older that I could really understand how tragic it was, how young her mother was, and how that affected her whole family so profoundly.  The course of her life was deeply affected by it, which I'm sure you've found is the same for you.

Anne makes a good point, too, which is that just "hanging out" can be very important.  My friend's husband died at age 32 of a sudden illness, and I was 3,000 miles away, not knowing how I could be any help at all since I wasn't nearby.  I decided to send little "Thinking of You" packages every few weeks - books, trinkets, special snacks, etc.  Mainly they were something to find in the mailbox other than sympathy cards.  I don't know if they helped, but it was all I could think of at the time.  Maybe you could just go over and watch a movie together or take a walk if she's up to it. 

Again, I can't even imagine being in her shoes or yours --- I'm so, so sorry.  My heart goes out to her son and husband. 

 I'll include her in my prayers.  What a heart break.

Patti was started on an oral chemo drug trial about 2 wks ago. The major side affect is that it's caused some painful and unsightly (to her) sores all over her face. For that reason, she's refusing to see anyone until the sores heal. I'm not surprised by her stance. I'd probably feel the same way and Patti is an exceptionally beautiful woman who has always taken pride in her appearance.  Unfortunately, unless the cancer goes into remission, she'll be on this drug for the duration. The Dr's have given her 1 year to live, so assuming they're correct, she'll only live to 49. One year? It's beyond my comprehension what that prognosis must feel like and makes me very, very sad.

Cathy, I'm sorry to hear the prognosis for your friend isn't more hopeful.  I can't even imagine facing that kind of news.  And I completely understand her not wanting to see people.  I think I'd be the same way.  Even though it might seem trivial or vain to some people, I think it would be hard not to feel like people were looking at the sores while they were talking to you.  Maybe in time she'll get to the point where she'll desire the comfort of a friend beside her more than she wants to avoid being seen.  For now, you can connect with phone calls, notes, and email, right? 

What a heartbreaking situation - to watch a dear friend suffer and know she may not recover has to be nearly unbearable.  We know how to be a good friend in the "usual" sense, but the "usual" friendship activities seem to be insufficient in this case.  How do we know what to do when faced with something so extreme?   Again, I'm so sorry -- for your friend, her family, and her friends like you.  I'll keep all of you in my thoughts.

Thanks Tracy. You're always so thoughtful.

I went out to dinner tonight with a mutual friend and I said I can't help but feel that we may never get to see Patti again. The friend said that she's made the offer to have a casual dinner get together for all of us at her house, but so far Patti has declined. I hope that will change at some point. I've tried to send a cheerful, "I'm thinking of you" card about every week or so, and Patti says she appreciates just knowing we all care. I know she's had a lot of support from her neighbors and her son's soccer team. She's a big-hearted person herself, so it's not surprising that so many people have reached out to her and her family. I hope that gives her some comfort.

I just heard from Patti's husband today that her latest PET scan shows that the cancer has metastisized to her brain and two of her ribs. They're going to do 10 more rounds of radiation treatments, but surgery and chemo aren't really an option any longer. I've felt so many highs and lows since Patti was diagnosed but this time I feel really worried that there's nothing more that can be done. Please keep her and her family in your thoughts and prayers that they find peace and strength to deal with what continues to be an agonizing journey.

 Having been on a similar journey myself just recently, I can attest to the utter helplessness that you feel.  I would give anything for even one extra minute with MIke - and the thought of another family experiencing such a loss of a young person is just heartbreaking.  I will continue to keep them in my thoughts, and you, too.

I will most definitely keep Patti and her loved ones in my thoughts and prayers.  I've been in that place too and it's one day at a time. 

Patti will definitely be in our prayers Cathy.

I'm so very sorry.  We will keep Patti in our prayers.

Prayers for  Patti, her family and you.  I'm so sorry.

She and her family will be in my thoughts and prayers.