Jasmine 's prognosis has downgraded. They knew the cancer would metastasize and we had been hoping for brain , fearing bone... but my girl has never liked to do things the simple way. The cellulitis that we have been treating has gotten aggressively worse. Today I had my daughter run her back in for David to take a peek. He called as soon they left. The cancer has gone into her skin on a cellular level. It does not hurt, even with out upsetting her , simple listening to the change in her breathing told David the same thing I have known for the past two weeks. Her lungs are also involved. After tonight I can stop making sure everyone is asleep deeply so I can quietly cry . I can not cry in front of Jasmine, It distresses her. And without confromation from David I would not bring it up to any one else , I did not need to give negative energy a foot hold in case I was wrong. I did not need the extra pressure of the family wanting years in oncology to mean zero perception, zero instinct
It is what it is.
So the GOOD news. She does not hurt. Her energy comes and goes and as long as I make fewer demands David sees no reason why we can not have one more great adventure together. So the urge to crawl into a darkened room and deny the future will just have to be put off. She saw the RV come home and is excited. Happy and ready to travel looking forward to the road. There will be enough tme to grieve AFTER I lose her, I can not insist that she stop living because I am hurting and sad. David began to give me a guesstimate on dates but I asked him not to. I would rather hope for September and the Nationals when we can both enter the over 50 ring and dazzle 'em with her new African Dress, I have an outfit made to compliment hers. And Heck without a specifc date we can shop for Christmas, she loves to shop. Without a specific date the adventure has no expiration, we can just make a few adjustments and enjoy time together that makes each day a blessing and a gift. Should she need my help , she will get it. I hope it is not selfish and small to pray she will not need it. That somehow she will get the reward that all loving souls deserve and ease gently across the Bridge in her sleep, Her mate awaits her with My Mom sitting close by... she will be pampered and loved until we can be together again.
Keep a good thought out for her , please, that things stay gentle and fun. That her last day be as easy on her as possible.
I want to scream Life is NOT fair.... but the adventures we have shared, the love she has given and received.... hard as it seems this is truly the worst thing she has ever been asked to deal with.. 
Bonita of Bwana