Another update on Rich

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    Another update on Rich

    Update 12/5
    We had 3 great days when Rich was completely lucid. We were able to talk and was it terrific. I reassured him I would be ok. And told him how much I would miss him but that if he needed to go then he suffered enough and I was ready to let him go. We held each other tightly and cried together. He is very concerned about his mother and I reassured him I would cont to look after her and as she is a hospice pt too that Hospice has assured me they would be with her when she was told the news. He said he was ready now. Well I guess he thought that was it, since then he has been miserable and angry that he is still here. He has not eaten anything since the 30th and only sips of water. I don't know why he is still here and pray he goes soon even if its from bleeding . He asked me If I would be angry if he ended it himself and I told him I would understand.
    I broke down completely today, I just could not be strong any longer, I collapsed in Richs arms sobbing hysterically. Not sure it helped him but getting it out helped me and he comforted me.
    I got hospice out here and they increased his pain med and his ativan and will now be out once a day do do his bandage change at least once so I won't have unless it comes apart

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    Julie - I'm so sorry and it made me cry to read your post. You've been so much stronger than anyoen should be expected to be and so has Rich. I'm a Christian and yet, sometimes I just don't understand why things happen as they do. Why the suffering goes on so long and causes such pain for so many people. My mom died of ovarian cancer and it was a 2 yr battle with her suffering greatly in the last few months. I was only 12 and I didn't understand it then and I don't understand it now that I'm 50. My thoughts and prayers continue for you and Rich. I can't imagine what he must be going thru and thinking nor can I truly know what you must be feeling. I wish there were some way I could help, but I can only offer my thoughts and prayers.

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    Julie -- I just sent you a ton of emails.  I sent you chapters of Tails Across Rainbow Bridge -- which I've never had the guts to publish.  I know Rich likes dogs too -- maybe it would even pass time -- but if it's not appropriate then don't bother with it. 

    My heart is with you -- and I so wish I could do something concrete.  But we can't.  None of us really can.  so just accept this hug and the love behind it. 

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     I'm glad you had time to tell each other your thoughts and that you had time to be together in that way.  I'm sure he took comfort in your love and care, and the promise that you would look after his mom.  <<<>>> to you both from us.

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     Hugs, Julie...lots of them.  It is good that you had a couple good days with him.  Something to cherish...

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    God speed.

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    May peace find you both. (((((((((((HUGS)))))))))) 

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    I'm so glad you two had a few nice days together. Your (yours and his) feelings are completely understandable. We're continuing to pray for you.

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    Julie's been on my heart all week -- anyone heard from her?

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    Julie.... I am so glad u and Rich had the opportunity to spend some time TOGETHER. I'm so very sorry for the pain you are going thru... and will continue to pray for you and Rich.
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    Julie, I continue to keep you and Rich in my thoughts.  Your post is heartbreaking, while at the same time somewhat comforting to think that you and Rich were able to have that time to say things you wanted to say.  I had no idea your MIL was ill, too.  I can't imagine the strength and courage it requires for you to face each day.  The emotions you described in your post that you and Rich are feeling are entirely understandable.  May you both feel supported by the thoughts and prayers of everyone whose lives have been touched by knowing you both or knowing your story. 

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    We are continuing to pray and think about the both of you. 

     

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    Rich is still here. He sleeps about 20 hours a day and is confused when he is awake, but on the plus side the pain is under control. He is angry he is still here and I am questioning my faith. I have never been this angry with god.
    Callie I hope you got the e-mail I sent. our story really was beautiful 

    And please know I don't think any less of anyone because they have the need to smoke. I disagree with it and blame the tobacco company for making money off others addiction and misery, but don't blame smokers.

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    I know this is testing your faith - straining it tremendously.  I think the most heartbreaking thing about my Grandfather's Alzheimers was how it gave my Grandmother such a profound crisis of faith.  I hope it will come to sustain you again - there is no easy answer to the question of, "Why?"

    I'm glad to know the pain is at bay at least - I hope that gives you some comfort and ease, too...

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    More chizilla love to you and Rich.  You are still in my prayers.