Dog Community

Hurting and would like prayers...

Posted : 2/1/2007 7:50:19 PM

DISCLAIMER: If you are currently expecting a child you may not want to read any further - I do not want to upset what should be a happy time in your life.

Today I found out that the baby I have been carrying for 11 weeks died approximately a week ago. This was a surprise pregnancy and at 39 I knew the odds weren't great but I was so looking forward to another wonderful child. My daughter is 10 and my pregnancy with her had a lot of complications - V-tach, HG and emergency c-section due to placenta problems. Because of my problems with having her my DH was very scared when he found out but had come around and was excited and happy too. Now I am having to schedule a d&c and am really hurting and upset. Two weeks ago I saw a healthy baby with a great heartbeat on the u/s and it's just so hard to wrap my mind around the stillness I saw today. I want my baby back dammit! In my head I know this is probably for the best but in my heart I feel like I am dying inside. It's going to take a while for my heart to get with the program I guess. I don't want the d&c but the doctor feels it's best since my body has not let go. I am usually a very logical person but I sure am not being logical now - the d&c just seems so clinical and it feels like I am killing my child even though I know there is no hope. I know my doctor meant well when he told me to keep the news to myself and DH until 12 weeks to be on the safe side but by not sharing the good news with my friends it doesn't seem right to pour out my heart with the bad news. That's why I'm pouring it out here. Thanks for listening.

mrv

Posted : 2/1/2007 7:52:15 PM

My heart goes out to you... I hope your pain will ease and other joys will some day find their way into your lives. Prayers for recovery on the way.

Benedict

Posted : 2/1/2007 7:54:48 PM

I'm so sorry.

All my thoughts and best wishes for physical and emotional healing are coming your way.

Kate

dyan

Posted : 2/1/2007 8:36:36 PM

Oh my gosh rredbird, I am so sorry! I have had a couple of friends that this happened to, kind of in the same way. Gee I'm sorry.
I'm glad you could talk about it here..I hope that helps just a little. I hope that you soon find some peace and wellness.
Take care...

calliecritturs

Posted : 2/1/2007 8:44:48 PM

Dearheart I've just emailed you -- and like her disclaimer above, don't read this if you've never been thru this or if it will upset you.

I've never been able to carry a baby even for 3 months -- and they think I've probably 'lost' 8-10. When my womb is 'ready' I'm not fertile. But apparently when I am 'fertile' the womb just isn't ready to receive it and I've been told by the 'experts' that my chances were never very good even had I taken a ton of meds and had in vitro.

The last time I lost one I *knew* I was pregnant ... and it was hard enough knowing my body just plain 'lost' it ... but to know you have to go and have it taken care of that way is so very sad.

Rredbird my heart breaks for you dear - allow yourself to be sad and allow yourself to mourn. This child is worth mourning -- so let yourself fully mourn and take your time. Please please holler at me if I can help ... I can commiserate with you. The only thing I've ever been able to do was trust that the Alpha of all Alphas knew better than me ... and that some day that love will be fulfilled. Why such things have to occur is beyond my human limits ... but my heart reaches out to yours. Take care, my friend. *hugs*

cakana

Posted : 2/1/2007 9:14:44 PM

Aw Robin, I'm really sorry to hear this and although I've never been thru it myself, I think I can imagine some of the emotions you must be feeling. A good friend of mine has just gone thru the same type of scenario and I know they tried to restrain themselves from hoping too soon, but they did, and it hurt badly when the pregnancy ended. My heart goes out to you and as Callie said, do give yourself the time to grieve and heal. Again, I'm so sorry. Hugs to you and your family.

tacran

Posted : 2/1/2007 11:02:36 PM

Robin, I'm so very sorry to read your sad news. I wish I could offer some kind of helpful words. I haven't experienced a miscarriage myself, but I have a couple friends who have, and I've seen the heartbreak they've felt. It's a loss no matter how many weeks along you were; there's simply no other way to see it. I'm sure it's harder to process your grief when you and your DH are dealing with it alone since no one knew of your pregnancy. I hope the good thoughts and prayers of forum friends bring you some comfort. Hugs to you.

stardancnminpin

Posted : 2/1/2007 11:23:35 PM

I am so sorry. My heart breaks for the pain you and your husband are feeling. Prayers and hugs are being sent your way.

glenmar

Posted : 2/2/2007 6:08:34 AM

I wish I had something wise to offer here. I don't, so HUGS and prayers coming your way. I'm very sorry for your loss.

rredbird

Posted : 2/3/2007 11:35:48 AM

Thank you all for the encouragement and kind words. They have helped tremendously. Now that I've gotten over the shock I am dealing better. Dr is not too happy with me because I've opted to give my body more time rather than have the surgery right now. I *think* my body is cooperating which is probably TMI for all of you [

]. Now the hardest part is knowing I have nothing to hold onto - at least when Lani, my heart dog, passed I have her cremains to hold and talk to. Right now the pic they gave me from the 1st u/s looks too much like the last one since it is a still pic and not video. Not much comfort right now but in time it may be. I sure hope so.

And Callie - thanks for the image of a tiny angel at the Bridge waiting on me! [sm=angel.gif]
I even accept that he may punch me in the nose at first for not having wanted him right way when I first found out. But I sure wanted him at the end and will miss what might have been for the rest of my life.

Thanks again everyone for being there - it is very much appreciated.

bragg1120

Posted : 2/3/2007 10:20:06 PM

Robin, I'm so very sorry to hear about your loss. I haven't experienced it but I know a few who have and it's horrible. I agree with what's been said, you mourn as long as you need. It's a valid loss. It will be forever difficult for me to understand why caring people cannot carry babies to term and have healthy children when there are others who do so with no effort and don't even bother to raise those children. You and your husband are in my prayers. I hope with each day, you continue to heal... mind, body and soul.

lisa baker

Posted : 2/4/2007 9:08:16 AM

I am very sorry for your loss. It is devasting to find out our child is lifeless in our body. I gave birth to a stillborn daughter full term and a son that I lost when I was 26 weeks. I buried them next to each other in the baby section of our cemetary. I had my son the following year. Was told I could have no more children...surprise when 15 years later I had my beautiful daughter.

I always took comfort in the fact I never felt their breath on my skin or looked into their beautiful eyes. If my babies were to be angels I am glad God took them home before I comforted them in the night.

I am sure in time you will find your peace and your answers. If you ever need to talk feel free to get hold of me.
God Bless

CarmysMom

Posted : 2/4/2007 8:12:26 PM

I pray for speedy physical healing for you but the grieving part is something that takes time... I can't imagine what you're going through but if someone told me "it's for the best" I would probably punch them in the nose. Take care of yourself, mom.... Rejoice in your family...we all have such a short time in this world. Love....

pofi_pasquale

Posted : 2/10/2007 11:36:22 PM

Deeply sorry for your loss, Robin. I can think of nothing more sage nor comforting to say and can only offer heartfelt sympathy.

Lena (Penny Forever)

Posted : 2/12/2007 7:51:47 PM

Robin, I am so sorry for your loss.
I know the pain you are feeling as I have been in your shoes. I was 25 weeks when my body failed the tiny life growing inside of me. I was so overwhelmed with the pain and it sent me in a tailspin. Time will heal your broken heart and all I can really say is to take all of the time you need.
I will lite a candle for you and pray that you can find peace in your heart.
(((hugs)))