I love my Cavapoo; Husband does not :(

    • Bronze

    I love my Cavapoo; Husband does not :(


    I am new here.  We had to put down our Chihuahua of 14 years last summer.  It was definitely one of the hardest things ever and I swore I didn't want another dog.

    My husband was the one who for weeks shoved cute puppy pics in my face and saying how nice it would be again, now that our kids are in college and I work part time.  We are 52.  I was hesitant, I was finally able to relax a bit...but yes, I got bored & lonely.

    Long story short; we are the owners now of a Cavalier King Charles Spaniel/Poodle mix.  She is 4 months, 2 wks old.  VERY smart.  Crate trained immediately, sleeps 9+ hrs at night, knows 6 commands.  We took her to "puppy kindergarten" and to me, she is a joy.  We've had her about 5 weeks now.

    Well, hubby has lost ALL interest in her.  Not sure if he's jealous (shouldn't be); I think the BIG factor is yes, she is a PUPPY and she CHEWS.  I have a gazillion toys (to which I rotate so she only has a couple to choose from on the advice of a trainer) so lack of things to chew is not an issue.  She just prefers our table/chair legs, leather furniture, drapes, scratching kitchen cupboards (she can rotate our Lazy Susan, lol).  I use bitter ointments, sprays, etc. to deter her.  She nips his feet/socks and he pushes her away and I told him don't do that, she thinks you are "playing."  He gets very agitated very quickly.  He is annoyed if I suggest another puppy class (kindergarten 2 begins soon) and he's like "sure, MORE money..."  She jumps from behind (both of us) and has ripped/put holes in many good shirts and pants.  She has scratched our $2,000 leather sofa that was bought with money we were actually saving for an anniversary trip (I suggested a cover).  It seems when he walks in the door, I get uptight and I think the puppy feels it, although she seems to adore him and wants his attention as she has had me all day. LOL  He said last night "she is driving a wedge in our relationship."  ???  HE wanted the puppy, not ME.  He was relentless, even after 50 or more NO's from me, I knew the commitment and didn't want it again.  He puts me in charge of everything.  Now her puppy behaviors are somehow my fault.  I am the one who taught her the commands above and beyond the basic sit and stay from puppy kindergarten.  She knows shake, jump, down, come, crate (when I ask her to go to her crate, she goes!).  These were not easy feats!

    I am exhausted; not only from the demands of the puppy but playing mediator when he gets home, trying to keep her at bay so he can "relax."  I'd like to "relax" too, believe me.  All I hear until bedtime is "there she goes again!" or "what the hell does she want now?" or "she's ruining everything in this house!"  She has only had 2 "accidents" in the house (and both were my fault, she grabbed her leash--how much more of a clue did I need? LOL).   I think for only 4 months, she is a damn good puppy and will make an EXCELLENT older dog, if I can survive puppyhood.  Hubby is making it SO hard, I actually looked at sites for re-homing today and it made me so sad.  I would be so resentful; after losing a dog, he got me a dog I love again, but now wants to take her away--when HE wanted her first, not me.  But he's not budging on his stance--he wants her gone and things "back to normal around here."  We both know puppyhood doesn't last forever, I try to keep telling him that.  He keeps saying she'll have ruined everything before it's over.


    • Gold Top Dog

    It's a tough position for you and even tougher on your puppy. I'd rehome her sooner rather than later. She's still young and will adjust.

    If you bought her from a reputable breeder, they should be willing to work with you. If you bought her elsewhere, and since she's a designer breed, that's more likely, try to find a rescue to guide you through the process.  Placing a puppy is easy. Placing a puppy in a good home, with someone who understands what responsible ownership entails is not so easy. Your puppy's life is in your hands so make your decision knowing that she has no choice in the matter but will suffer the consequences.  

    I am not one for rehoming a puppy for doing perfectly normal puppy mischief.  It's unfortunate that you gave in to his insistence on a puppy and that now he's the one complaining.  

    Good luck to you.  

    • Moderators
    • Gold Top Dog

    Hi, I feel bad for your situation, you have to make a tough decision. Like Jackie said better to rehome sooner that later. Maybe have a serious heart to heart with your husband and see where that goes, I'm not a counselor but its best to be on the same page for decisions such as these. You have to decide what is best for the dog and if it's a stressful home and your husband doesn't want the dog around the best thing may be to just find the pup a new home. Sorry to hear this.

    • Bronze


    Thanks for the replies.  I am standing my ground and NOT going to re-home my puppy.  I did give in to his insistence and yes, I probably shouldn't have.  I feel guilty enough.  But I'm talking weeks of non-stop puppy talk and pictures, and missing my own Chihuahua still.  Having to cut from full to part time to help my ailing mother, I agree my resistance is low.   I am home alone a lot and yes, I missed my furry companion.

    However, she IS here now, and she is MY baby.  Hubby is absolutely not mean to her in any regard, it's just indifference at this point and complaints.  But it was the same when we had babies, and I didn't re-home my kids. LOL  Guys typically feel a bit neglected I think.  I'm spreading myself thin, but I'm proud of the things I've accomplished with her and the bond we have.  I know she's going to make an awesome adult dog because she is an awesome puppy.  It's not a stressful home; he just goes into the other room and says "guess I'll watch t.v. alone, again."  Just these little comments that I don't need.  But he attended every puppy kindergarten class, and he will come home with a toy/treat now and then, so I know he's softening.  I won't do anything in haste.

    I was just irritated that after he was the initial one to want another dog, to walk, to play...that I wasn't receiving the help I need(ed) but that's ok.  I'm a great mom to my pup and she knows it and I know it, because of how she acts with me.  I just purchased several bully sticks and she loves those.  And hubby was with me and even picked her up a "puppy cookie." :)

    I will always put her needs first and if I ever see signs that I think validate a re-homing, I would .  I think right now we're all just having "growing pains."   I'll keep you posted. :)

    • Gold Top Dog

    I'm glad you're motivated to keep her. I wasn't trying to make you feel guilty. There are times when rehoming is the right decision. I get that sometimes you just need to vent.

    Puppies need supervision. They aren't capable of understanding what we want unless they're taught. Chewing up objects or furniture is something that you prevent. Just providing toys isn't working. A dog doesn't know the difference between a pair of $300 shoes or her rawhide chew.  They have no clue why we get upset if they pee or poop ins the house.

    It's been a while since you had a puppy and the major life style change it can cause. They're lucky they're so cute.  lol  

    Check out Sophia Yin's website. Lots of good articles and advice on raising a puppy.  

    • Gold Top Dog

    Let me make one  suggestion -- I suspect his return from work likely sets the stage for the whole evening.  So why don't you focus on that?

    Hopefully you are crate-training her.  ALL dogs should be simply because there *will* come the day when that dog will have to go to the vet either for spaying or some health issue and a dog who is crate trained won't be traumatized.

    so -- when you know hubs is about ready to walk in, put her in her crate with something like a stuffed Kong and shut the door.  When your husband gets home GREET **HIM**.  Give him a specific amount of "dog free time".  Maybe for a glass of iced tea or private "chill" time (that's MY Husband).  

    Then --   see if you can switch gears to something like a *short* walk with both adults.  In other words -- start with something fun, where she's not biting at his feet.  

    Find solutions for the things that make him crazy.  My pug is 6 and she STILL **needs** her nylabone when she's trying hard to be good but the "dog inside" wants to be a devil..     Stack the deck in his favor -- either leave him something like a nylabone to give her when HE wants to sit ... something he can give her to distract ...

    Don't wuss out on everything.  But if you can break the cycle of "the dog makes me crazy"  and give him the initial attention he may be craving -- he's going to notice the things you're doing to help, and it should begin to turn the tide.  I gotta give this guy credit -- he knew YOU were miserable, and  altho mis-guided, he saw a dog as a "need" for you.  I'll bet he actually feels guilty about putting you in this position.  Obviously I don't know you -- but for a man to try THAT hard to help you over a rough spot??  

    When we married my husband had NEVER had a pet.  not ever. ... and he really had a hard time with somethings.  I was used to taking the dogs **everywhere** -- if I could sit outside at a restaurant to have the dogs with me I did.  I would invent outings they would enjoy.  

    Probably the most difficult things we dealt with when we got married (in our 40's) had to do with the dogs.  Of course I felt like I gave in 99% of the time, and so did he -- and I had to break him in gently on a few things.

    But it was worth it -- and he is SO wonderful with him.  he's a better trainer than I will ever be!!

    And don't despair about training -- contact your local SPCA and see if they know anyone who does inexpensive positive training.   But when you go make sure he gets to take the lead  so he can bond with her and she can learn to do what "papa" says to.  

    It takes time -- but it sounds like you're in for the whole ride. Good luck!

    • Bronze


    Thanks again for the replies.  Yes...I was reflecting on some things and I think that I keep her out of her crate much more than I should because she is getting bigger and is very playful and can do things--but I still need to remember she is a PUPPY.  :)  She LOVES her crate; that was never an issue (luckily!).  I say "crate" and she goes right in. :)   So I will take the suggestion and see if I can have her a bit tuckered out before hubby gets home, so she will be in her crate and I can spend some time with him and we can eat dinner peacefully, etc.  He does have a stressful job and needs that "wind down" period.  

    I do remind hubby she does not know the difference between the table leg and her bully stick, or a shoe and her toy.  She just wants to chew.  And this, too, shall pass.  I think he is actually softening;  he is usually up first in the morning to let her out before he leaves.  He's been setting his clock 15 mins earlier, and instead of just taking her out and pottying her and re-crating her, I caught him sitting on the floor playing with her. :)  And he "dropped" a Cheerio and said "don't tell mommy!" :)

    Yes, I believe his heart was in the right place; he knew I missed my Chihuahua terribly.  And yes, it's been 15 years since we've been the "puppy route" so a lot has been forgotten about the demands.  But he did not want me lonely during the day; knowing I am stressed and taking care of my mom who had a stroke (she's in a facility, but I'm her guardian) and coming home to an empty house--he knows me and knows I need to feel "needed."  And he read articles how animals help with stress reduction, lowering of blood pressure, etc.  For him to spend hours on the internet and going himself to check out different reputable breeders, etc. before showing me any (knowing I'd walk away with 5 pups lol) was very nice of him to do.  And I know that really, whilst he is stressed and having puppy pains as I am, if asked to give her up, I undoubtedly believe he'd say NO.  Otherwise, he's a pretty strong personality; if he really did not want the puppy here, she wouldn't be.  She is quite a character and along with her puppy flaws, she brings an energy to the house that was lacking.  She's comical --we turned on the ceiling fan just yesterday for the first time and it was sooooo funny, she ran around in circles on the ground in sync with the fan.  When we turned it off, she stopped.  Now I know a good exercise tool!  LOL  

    • Bronze

    I am new here to but after reading about your dilemma  I am glad you are keeping the puppy. I feel your pain as I just got a puppy at my boyfriends insistence and I am doing ALLLLL the work as well. I am exhausted too. Feet are swollen, leg hurts and little sleep. But as you said puppy hood does not last forever, so hang in there. I am all for dumping the hubby before the puppy.   lol

    • Gold Top Dog

    Reminder:  Keep your shoes/slippers on!!  Finding a puppy tooth with your bare foot on your way to the bathroom -- OWWWW!!!   (losing puppy teeth starts about 3 1/2 months)

    There are times when it's tough to back away from a problem far enough to figure out what's *really* the underlying problem.   Does he hate the dog ... or just hates feeling so "set upon"  by this little cute thing that becomes a Tazmanian Devil when he crosses the threshold.  

    True Story -- 12 years ago my husband and I took on a hound mix.  I'd never had a hound before in my life.  Sweet dog .. but she 'talked' ALL the time.  99 different varieties of various  whines and vocalizations.  And at least 97 of them went straight thru my ears like  razor blades.  

    Within two weeks  I collapsed into tears one night  after the constant vocalization drove me insane.  I can remember telling my husband thru my tears this was the WORST "she going to live 15-20 years"  mistake we'd ever made.  Even as committed as we were to her I **so** wanted to re-home her just because I couldn't stand the whining.  

    It took me some real concerted effort to learn to "ignore"  most of it while we , in turn, taught her better ways of communicating with us.  She STILL whines and vocalizes more than any other six dogs put together, but I'm ok with it and I do love her dearly.  

    There are times re-homing is best -- but trying to back up and approach the problem from a different angle isn't easy but can be done.  Best of luck with her.  

    • Bronze

    Maybe  you should re-home hubby. You no what they say better sooner then later.  

    Sorry I have a dark sense of humor and that's the 1st thing that came to mind.  I meant no harm and maybe some 1 will get a chuckle out of it.