My Sister

Oh, Cathy, I'm sorry I didn't catch this until just now.  I'm so sorry! What a sad situation.  Keeping you, your niece, nephew, etc in my thoughts -this must bring so many painful feelings to bear, now that they can't be "resolved" with your sister.
HUGS.

Thanks everyone.  I haven't heard a word from my nephew, so I'm guessing that he decided to deal with a burial (or not) on his own.  That makes me sad but then the whole thing makes me sad.  When my sister took off initially, she took the kids with her.  My niece was about 10 and my nephew was about 8.  They were homeless for a short time before she relinquished them to her husband.  During that time, she asked my dad for help.  He offered to give her money if she'd get help, but she flat out refused.  He did help her later with buying a car, which she said she wrecked (not her fault [8|]) right away and therefore couldn't get a job...and blah, blah, blah.  My niece saw right thru it, but my nephew stayed close to Jan and I think to this day probably blames my dad and the family for not helping her out.  Looking at things thru his eyes, maybe I'd feel the same way.  My dad loved both kids dearly but when he was ill, they quit calling or writing and when he died, neither came to his funeral.  It's all just very sad, but it really is time to move on and let the healing begin for everyone.  Thanks again for all the kind words.

Cathy, I don't know how I missed this until now -- I try to check this section regularly, but it got past me somehow.  Belated condolences to you.  It sounds like her life was a stormy one, with ripple effects for you, your niece and nephew, your Dad before he died, and probably many others.  I had a cousin who had a similar pattern -- fortunately he never had children -- but his was a life of constant alcohol and drug abuse, erratic employment, temporary living situations, and a very unstable relationship with my aunt and uncle.  He died of a supposed overdose (it was possibly a suicide) while living with my aunt after my uncle had died.  He had been responsible for the death of his passenger when he was driving drunk many years prior, and things never improved.  I never understood why he didn't go to rehab, but we lived a couple hours away from them and didn't see them more than a few times a year.  I can tell you my aunt has never recovered either, and her own elderly years have been very rocky with her other adult children. 
 
Whatever we believe in with regards to an afterlife, we have to think that people so troubled before death must be able to experience some of the peace that was so hard for them find while they were alive.  Again, I'm very sorry; no matter what the history was, I'm sure you're feeling a sad loss.

None of us, including her own children, have any idea what life has been like for her and I feel very sad about that.

Life as an addict is unbearable most of the time.  You were a good sister, because you gave her love and connection, but no money.  It was the only right thing you could have done.  Money just makes the spiral downward faster, but sometimes love can help to reverse it.  Sadly, many addicts aren't able to grasp the real helping hand and that is the terrible tragedy of that disease.  I'm really sorry that it affected you in this way.