Help please, I Don't want to loose our pup

It doesn't sound like Loki gets much exercise or mental stimulation. Does he ever get taken out of the yard and actually exercised?  It's quite hard to exercise an adolescent retriever sufficiently, and just letting him out in the yard is certainly not going to do it. Tired dogs are good dogs. Does he have regular chances to romp and play with other dogs? Do you make him work for a living, as in NILIF? 
 
The fact that you call him Stubborn is a red flag to me-- dogs are never stubborn-- they are either confused and/or undermotivated. The dog isn't stubborn-- your training is just not as effective as it should be. Consider taking some clicker training classes.

Agree with mudpuppy completely.

Calling a dog stubborn is simply an excuse for improper training. Different dogs have different motivations and just because a dog won't work and behave for one type of motivation doesn't make him stubborn. It just means you need to find the motivation that works for him.

i have been watching "the dog whisperer" lately with cesar millan on the national geographic channel and i like what he does. he says that you have to establish yourself and every family member as a pack leaders and that you identify the house and everything around you as yours. he even helped a couples newborn child be established as a pack leader so the dog would not keep bothering the baby. i am no expert by any means, but it sounds like loki runs your house. he goes in and out anytimes he wants, he bosses you, your husband, your son and the cats around. to him, the house and you guys are followers and he is the leader. thats why he doesn't listen or respect what you want him to do.
 
cesar has written several books. i checked on amazon.com and found one of them with several hundred customer reviews. maybe it could help you understand your dogs behavior better.
 
[linkhttp://www.amazon.com/Cesars-Way-Everyday-Understanding-Correcting/dp/0307337332/sr=8-1/qid=1170515951/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1/103-7476200-3370241?ie=UTF8&s=books]http://www.amazon.com/Cesars-Way-Everyday-Understanding-Correcting/dp/0307337332/sr=8-1/qid=1170515951/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1/103-7476200-3370241?ie=UTF8&s=books[/link]
 
if you have the national geographic channel you should really check out the show. there are new episodes every friday night. it has helped me understand my dog's behavior better. he also has seasons of his show out on DVD if you don't ahve the channel. best of luck!
 
 

Would a 2nd dog in the mix further complicate things or give more of that dog on dog interaction? And if another dog is ok would a smaller breed be ok?

 
I would certainly not attempt to introduce another dog into this situation until your current dog is older (18 months is minimum to me-24 months is better) and until your dog is calmer and has learned better behaviour.
 
The reason for this is that even the well trained adolescent dog will suddenly become "stupid puppy" again once a young one is brought into the mix.  Yes, it may take some of the focus off of your son, but it will also take alot of the focus out of learning proper etiquette and manners.
 
I would also heartily recommend "How to be the Leader of the Pack (and have your dog love you for it)" by  McConnell (I think that's her name, not at home so I can't check.)  It's filled with some good information, it's pretty short (pamphlet sized) the information is very basic but very concise and appropriate to your situation, I think.
 
Also this dog needs more than just unsupervised romps in the yard.  Long walks, social time with other dogs, obedience class, trips to an off leash dog area (fenced in, of course) all of these will help stimulate your dog mentally, as well as physically. 
 
My own personal belief in this matter is that your dog is acting out due to boredom and frustration with that boredom.   

I personally think that CM goes to a lot of extremes that don't need to be gone to.  I'll not start a CM debate, but I would rather not see people thinking that they need to dominate their dogs to be an effective leader.
 
Now, as to the cats and the child.....teach a LEAVE IT command.  I have 6 german shepherds and 3 cats.  I do have a "safe room" for the cats with a half door that is elevated enough for the cats to scoot under but too low for the dogs to enter.  One of the cats LOVES to torment my crew and then scoot under that door.....mine will not even attempt to follow simply because they KNOW that a cat is a "leave it" item.  Same goes for the great nieces and nephews.  Being shepherds, they want to herd, and that isn't allowed.  Leave it works well there as well.  They can herd each OTHER to their hearts content, but people don't qualify as herdable items.  Rude and bossy behavior earns nothing, not even an "eh".  That needs to be completely ignored or it becomes self rewarding.

It's a good idea to do some reading, if you do then get your hands on as wide a range of reading material as you can so you can make an informed decision about what you decide to do, rather than taking advice from just one trainer/behaviourist/school of thought. 

So many replies, thanks so much for the input everyone.
 
Loki gets a ton of exercise and training. We don't just ignore him in the back yard, I was only pointing out the fact that we have a large back yard that he romps around in in ADDITION to other exercise.  He has been in a training program since we got him (not clicker though).
 
I realize stubborn was not the right word but I couldn't think of a better word to use at the time and I figured you folks would know what I meant. He's hard to motivate.
 
Unfortunately we won't be keeping him. Yesterday Loki was sitting in the kitchen a few feet from me and one of our cats walked into the far side of the room. Loki made a horrible growling noise and leaped for the cat. I couldn't stop him before he grabbed it up in his mouth and started shaking it around. It was horrible and while I feel for the cat I'm thankful it wasn't my son!. The cat will live thankfully.  My son came home from Kindergarden and started crying when he saw his poor cat all bandaged up.  Now he's afraid of Loki trying to kill his cats.  []
 
This is Loki's first agressive act (it was very aggressive, no doubts there) but I won't allow any of my pets to suffer nor will I muzzle or crate Loki everytime he's in the house or something else that I feel is unfair to Loki. So Loki is going to a new home with a fellow who used to train service dogs.  He has a large ranch and 1 other large dog.
 
 There is a possiblity Loki has brain damage from birth but the vet will have to run more tests to find out if that information will help Loki or not. The gentleman will work with the trainer, vet and breeder (if possible) to determine what Loki needs.  He told me that our training, exercise and home seemed to be just fine so I shouldn't feel bad but I still do.  He recommended a few other breeds and breeders that might help us find a good match for a new dog.
 
As I said I still feel bad about it all.  If it was just me I'd have kept him but as someone else said it's not fair to my cats and son to have to deal with it. My son is happy Loki is going to a ranch to live but sad at the same time.

I'm glad that you found a home for Loki with someone who is willing to work with him and has the ability to work with him.

Might I suggest a pug your next time around?

That is a tough decision that you had to make. Hopefully things will work out for everyone!

I'm sorry to hear that you're having to give Loki up. It's definitely the right thing to do for the safety of your son and cats. Based on your description of Loki being almost glued to your son, always trying to dominate him, (even with all of the exercise and training you've done) really leads me to believe that he's more of a handful than the average herding dog and that he might not be entirely stable. His new home is the best you could ask for- an experienced dog trainer with space and will be able to give him a job to to if he's stable enough to.

I agree with Chewbecca's suggestion of a Pug if you get another dog. I think almost any lower energy, non herding breed would be a real breath of fresh air for you. []

Your dog sees your son as a litter mate and I agree with another poster. Your son is not old enough to handle this dog at this time.Many people believe that if they have a large home and/or a large yard, this should be enough room for a dog to run and play in. The truth is, your home and yard are only large areas with walls to a dog. Dogs have a primal need to walk, to see and smell other areas besides their own territory. If no one in your family is exercising this dog, the dog has no outlet for his energy and has become destructive. Retrievers are sporting dogs and need something to do. The problem is not your dog, it's the dog's owners. Exercise, train, play. A tired dog is a happy dog and a happy dog is a happy owner!

It must have been a hard decision to make but I agree with Luvntzus that it sounds like he has gone to the best place he possibly can.  Too many people wouldn't have even looked for advice or a suitable home, they would have just dumped him in a shelter and he would have become a "yo-yo dog", becoming less and less stable and more difficult to manage.......  So don't feel bad.  You did the best you could and you made a hard decision and did the right thing.

The problem is not your dog, it's the dog's owners.

Thank you very much for your very unhelpful post.    If you had actually bothered to read my posts you'd find out he gets a great deal of exercise.  Heck that's in the very first part of the last post in fact.  Moving on....
 
Thank you to everyone else who took the time to READ and respond to my posts. It was a hard decision but I feel better now that I know he's going to be in good hands. We have talked about another dog, in fact the vet and the breeder have recommended other breeds that might be a good match.  I'm not sure which breed we will select but a house just doesn't feel like a home without a dog in the mix so I'm sure we'll find another additional soon.
 
I've never considered a pug before so I'll be sure to add them to my research list.  We've had many smaller dogs (the love of my teenage years was a darling little Lasa) and while I love larger breeds I think a smaller dog is the best match for us right now.  My husband wants another German Shepard at some time but I wanted to wait until our son is older before getting another GS. Our last German Shepard was such a sweetie. 

"the love of my teenage years was a darling little Lasa) and while I love larger breeds I think a smaller dog is the best match for us right now.  My husband wants another German Shepard at some time but I wanted to wait until our son is older before getting another ..."
 
 
I think you would do better by waiting til your child becomes older.  Unless you would adopt an already well behaved dog that wont bite or chase your cats and one that already knows how to behave around children.   I didn't want to deal with all of those obstacles that you have and that is why I did wait to get my huskies.  Those are real issues that you had with the Golden.  And I dont think it really is so much that the golden was bad, but the circumstances you have may not be conducive to training any adolescent dog at this time.  Any adolescent will do these behaviors and you need to be able to train and understand what must be done in order to keep your crew safe.  Things like crate training and puppy classes and many of the fantastic books by behavioral phd.s for dogs are so beneficial. 
 
Take a deep breath and do wait on your next investment of a dog.  It will probably be worth it to wait.

Do consider a steady older mix from a shelter who has been tested OK with children and cats - this would probably be the best match for you.  If you decide on a pedigree puppy, then I think you are thinking along the right lines in choosing a small companion dog.  My advice would be to definately steer clear of all the terriers - most have a high prey drive which I'm not certain you're in a position to deal with if it were to be directed on to your cats or son.  Also avoid large, "pushy" breeds (like GSDs) and high maintenance working breeds (collies, labs) for the time being.  Otherwise you could see the same pattern emerging all over again which would be heart breaking for you. 

And if you get a puppy - go to a GOOD breeder!!!  A good breeder will be on the end of the phone to help you resolve any issues you may have and will insist on taking the dog back if you can't manage or even if you simply don't want it any more.  Good breeders concern themselves with the life and fate of every puppy they bring into the world and like to satisfy themselves that the dog is living out its life in a good home.  Steer clear of pet shops, puppy farms, dealers and BYBs.  Always see the environment the pup was raised in, always see the mother, the sire too if possible ( or footage and paperwork if he is not on the premsises) and GRILL the breeder.  A good breeder will have no problems answering your questions and will be honest about the virtues and faults of dogs in the care and breeding programme.  If a breeder is not happy to give you their time it does not bode well for after sale care and means that they are unlikely to be concerned about the welfare of the pups they breed - don't line their pockets.  Be prepared to wait, travel and pay for your ideal companion.


Seriously consider waiting a few more years before taking on another dog though - the last thing you want to happen is much of the same all over again.  Dogs can be a whole lot worse than the one you just gave up - and that applies to all breeds.