Memory has some strange SA

Have you tried working her little by little? I mean don't just leave her with the sitter for hours at a time but maybe 1 min at a time and slowly increase the time she spends with the sitter.

Is it possible for the friend to come to your house regularly from now till Thanksgiving so Memory can get more comfortable with her? Or you and Memory go to the friends house and make it seem like a fun place to be?

Perhaps your friend would be willing to go to your house over Thanksgiving vacation and take care of Memory that way. Different people, different dog, different house might just have been too much for her overall.

This doesn't sound like the classic definition of SA.  How is she in your home with people who come in and approach her in a friendly manner?  How is she when a stranger approaches when you are on a walk or out in public? You say you take her everywhere with you; how is she when she visits other people's homes?  Does she stay by your side or another family member?  Has she shown fear toward this friend before or had any negative experience at her house before? Is she fearful of people in general?  How old is she? How old was she when you got her?  It's very hard to say what was going on other than the obvious.  She was fearful and got in a safe place and made it clear that she was not going to be coerced out of the crate without a possible fight.  I agree that it would not be a good idea to leave her with this person until you get a grip on what is happening with your dog.  Some background on her history would be helpful.

I can't find it right now but there is a place on the forum that has some tips for information that is helpful to post when you are looking for advice. 

Just read your introduction and now i see that you have a "dog" that is 90% wolf!!  My original advice stands: don't leave her with that person or anyone who is not willing to deal with this aggression.  You have a lot of liability if something happens to someone or their pet.  Just have to ask how and WHY did you get this "dog"?

In all honesty, we had not planned to get Memory. We were looking for a dog, and around that time, a breeder called my family up asking if we want to take in a puppy. He was a friend of a friend, and knew I had an interest in wolves and wolf dogs. It was an offer I couldn't refuse, especially because I had the feeling he was going to take the puppies to a shelter otherwise (I don't want you guys to judge him, so please understand he was recently diagnosed with cancer and can not take care of so many dogs). That was one reason for taking in a wolf dog. I also chose get a wolf dog for the same reason someone would choose to own a terrier or a collie. 

 I know I should not leave my girl with someone she doesn't trust, but I need to prepare for times when I just can't take her with me and she needs to stay with someone else. I probably will not end up going anywhere for Thanksgiving, but I DO want to let her feel comfortable staying with someone else for a period of time.

 

Now I'll reply to everyone's questions and suggestions -

 Sowilu: We tried that the other day, but Memory was as unapproachable as ever. She played with toys and had a treat while I was there, and when I left, she tried to follow, so I gave her the "stay" command, and she would not take treats or play. This has always been a problem with her - she does accept food from someone else (outside the family), and will not play, either.

3girls: Memory has known our friend for a long time, and nothing happens when she visits our home. If nothing else works, I think I will end up keeping Memory in her kennel for a few days and ask her to come over instead. I just don't want Memory to be so bored, and I know it's silly of me, but I'm worried that she'll get cold or wet in the rain (I know, I know, it's not likely with that coat of hers!).  I think I'll try to visit the sitter's family with Memory more often and make it a better experience - thanks for the advice!

 JG: The SA Memory has is bizarre, which is exactly why I titled it "strange"! Memory will act differently towards different people who come over. For adults, if it is someone she is familiar with, she will relax and allow herself to be petted. If it is a complete stranger, she will growl, and when he comes too close, she will snarl but back away, or hide behind me. If I don't tell her to stop by then, and the stranger is close enough to touch, she will snap at him/her, and this has happened once. Normally, a few sharp "no!"s will stop her. She is very, very fearful and wary of strangers, and I always need to greet the person first and have her come over and sniff him/her. However, if it is a child (below the age of nine or ten), you could literally see her eyes lighting up in excitement. She loves kids, and will give them kisses and allow them to pat her, as long as they don't touch her on top of the head (or pull on her ears!), and she will sit through a hug, though I can see her become tense and uncomfortable. When we visit other people, she will always stay by me, always. She does not leave my side unless I specifically tell her to "stay", at which point she will wait for me to come back. But without the prescence of me or someone else in my family, she can't be petted (by adults) and will avoid people when they approach her. Occasionally, she will get up and leave the room, as she did at the sitter's house, but for the most part, she will obey the "stay" command. Yes, she is very fearful of humans for the most part, and it takes her the longest time to trust anyone. She is now 2 years old, and I took her home at 8 weeks old, although starting at 4 weeks we would go over and visit her once a week.

 

Thanks a bunch, everyone =)

 How different is it to train a wolf than it is to train a dog? I'm no help, at all. My little terrier cannot be left, and as a result, has flown on a plane, with me. She does a similar thing to what Memory does. She's very, very kennel shy, and guards her crate like she's going to be slaughtered if she's removed. It's really ridiculous. I have to stay with her, at the vet's, too. It's not something I've made much progress with, aside from making a few really good friends who are total dog nerds. They can remove her from a kennel without an issue, and she's comfortable enough around them to come out. Now? I have a safe place to leave her, if I have to leave again. I could never board her, though. She thinks she's as big and scary as Memory.

Raising and training a wolf is quite different from raising a dog! Though socialization is an important part of any puppy’s life, it may just be the most important in a wolf’s. Wolves are highly intelligent, and my Memory learns things on her own without ever being taught, like ringing the doorbell and turning on the lights. She can also open the fridge door, which I don’t appreciate so much… When a wolf dog is growing up, it’s so important to establish and maintain dominance. For example, when she was a puppy, I would never allow myself to bend down, or lie lower than her height, and I would not allow her to jump on me. With dogs, when they try to touch you, lay on your lap, it can be interpreted as a sign of affection. Well, with Memory and other wolf dogs, it was a sign of displaying her dominance. I would always move away from her touch and then be the first to reach out to pat her. Now that she’s grown up and learned her stuff, she gets to give me kisses and snuggles, but I still won’t let her stand over me while playing, or share my bed. And like I said, she, and her kind, are quite human-shy. They take a while to trust people and often do not obey commands issued from others. They’re also a pain to housebreak (an understatement), and do not do well in cars. Of course, all dogs are different, and this is only from my reading and experience. But really, she’s not such a big, bad wolf! xD

Memory has flown with me and my family on a vacation to China before, and went on a 20 hour drive (with breaks in between!) to Southern California, too, because she can’t stay away from me, and I can’t stay away from her =P I’m glad she does well in her kennel, at least.

Oh, the vets! Trips to the vet are so embarrassing, she’s always bound to growl and show her teeth – and not in the way the vet would find useful! She absolutely will not let any strangers touch her head, and she hasn’t exactly warmed up to the vet yet, and I doubt she ever will. I love Memory, but sometimes, I’ll bet she’s being uncooperative just to bug me!

I'm surprised you even found a vet that would see her.  They won't even take wolf hybrids around here and they say the rabies vaccine isn't effective for hybrids?? 

I can't leave my chow with anyone due to health issues and some unpredictable behavior so I just make arrangments for her to either come with or I don't go.

 There are vets here who take wolf dogs, though not many. And yes, there is yet to be an approved vaccine for wolf dogs, but it is still recommended. However, even if a wolf dog has had the vaccination, in case of a biting incident, the dog will be put down =(   

My advice would be to try to come to terms with the fact that you will probably not be able to leave your wolf for any length of time without her being in a secure outdoor or indoor outdoor enclosure whereby someone could feed/water her, safely thru a fence.

I think your alternative is to simply make her an enclosure with shelter from elements or with inside access that still contains her completely and safely...and find someone willing to stop by and feed her and water her.

The safety of others I'm afraid must totally override any errand or trip you may take in her lifetime...that's just part and parcel of owning an exotic...I doubt zookeepers get many vacations either if they're the only one's there

The issue is not really her getting aggressive when someone feeds her, it's that she won't accept the food. She only acts "scary" as my friends have told me, when strangers approach too suddenly and come too close. We do have a room inside the house cleared out just for her, and while it's comfy, it isn't as roomy as her kennel, and more easily destroyed.

There definitely are a lot of things I am not able to do because of Memory, so I could just add vacations to dog-free places on the list. I was hoping there'd be a way to train her out of it, and if there isn't, it's definitely not the end of the world! Besides, she still gets to go to the really fun places with me, like Asia and Europe!

 Lol, now that you mention it, I never really look at Memory and think of an exotic pet...

inhellseyes

The issue is not really her getting aggressive when someone feeds her, it's that she won't accept the food. She only acts "scary" as my friends have told me, when strangers approach too suddenly and come too close.

That is typical wolf behavior. I, personally, would be in contact with some wolf hybrid breeders and see if they can offer any advice. A hybrid with strong wolf tendencies needs different structure than your average companion animal.

now that you mention it, I never really look at Memory and think of an exotic per

Yet that is exactly what you have, and you should take Gina's very sensible advice.  You should have carefully considered your lifestyle and how important it might be to you to have a "dog" that you could find temporary care for if you needed it.  Your current scenario is why it is illegal in many states to even own a wolf hybrid.  You are making excuses for aggressive behavior, and your "dog" will pay with her life if she transgresses.  This is an animal that should stay in her own familiar surroundings, properly contained, and get acclimated to receiving food/water in a safe way from other humans.  This is not an animal that should be left with anyone who is not implicitly familiar with wolves, because, in terms of blood quantum, that's what she is.