I can't get a collar on my dog.

well, you're having an emergency right now. Go to the pet store and buy a cheap harness and try putting that on her. Hopefully it will be different enough from a collar to let her relax about it.
If she is so fearful, yes, you may want to consider anti-anxiety meds for a period of time.

There's a Patricia McConnall book specifically about fearful dogs, but I can't think of the title at the moment. Regardless, I think your best bet is to find a really good behaviorist in your area. These are not really problems that can be dealt with without someone seeing and evaluating your dog in person. 

ORIGINAL: twins2sets

Please don't tell me to give her away or put her down. Like I said she is a good dog most of the time. She is very fearful. I have considered a behaviorist. Or maybe puppy prozac???

Oh my, that is the last thing any of us here would ever tell you. We love dogs and it's to true that too many are put down because the owner didn't take the responsabity to understand their dog. It's great your here to find the answer.

Many of us have dogs with very fear based problems. Mine has a number of them and for the past year I've been working very hard with her to solve and deal with the many issues that come up from one day to the next, along the way I have been bitten as well. I would strongly suggest a behaviorist and find the root of the problem.

For the collar, place in places she normaly plays. Make it a toy so she doesn't fear it, Hold the collar up with a treat next to it so she can see the collar as a good thing to be around. This may help some, help her see that the collar is not evil. I really do wish you luck!

[linkhttp://www.dogwise.com/ItemDetails.cfm?ID=DTB855]http://www.dogwise.com/ItemDetails.cfm?ID=DTB855[/link]
 
If you click on this link, it takes you to the Dogwise.com website and you can actually view a bit of a training video using clicker training.  That might be something that would go a long way in helping with your dog.  I think I'd definitely start with a consult with a behaviorist though.

Oh, poor puppy.  Thank you for having the patience and love to work with her. 
 
I agree, for now I'd try a harness that goes around her body.  That will let you leash her for walks, and you could probably put her ID tags on there too.  At least you will have a way to take her out while you work on desensitizing her to wearing a collar.
 
I do think a behaviorist would be good for you & your dog.
 
In the meantime, some helpful books about frightened dogs:
The Cautious Canine, Patricia McConnell
Sacredy Dog, Ali Brown
 
 

will growl if you go near her when she has a bone, but we have learned to leave her alone if she has one.

  No way! That is the absolute opposite thing you want! You should be training HER, not the other way around.

  Your poor puppy feels like she has to protect herself, because you are not leading your household. You need to be the boss, and give her protection. I would get in touch with a behaviorist, and start a NILIF program. That instills a LOT of confidence into a dog. Teenie and Emma have both come a long way with some leadership, and positive training. Your girl can get better.

PLEASE, do not try to take a bone away from your dog. She will bite you!

Regarding the collar issue, you created that situation, and now you have to allow her time to trust you again.  And, though fearful, she's smart - I don't blame her for being afraid of you and collars.  And, you shouldn't get frustrated at her.  I don't think you should put her to sleep or get rid of her - this is something you can do something about.  It just takes time.
If you have to sedate her to get the collar on, do so - a fearful dog needs to be wearing ID at all times.  Once it's on, don't take it off.   To train her to accept having a collar put on and off, simply use a second collar.
Put the new collar on the floor and sprinkle dog treats over it.  Let her approach and sniff it, and eat the treats if she will.  Put the collar in her crate at night and let her sleep with it.  Soon, she will start to realize that it isn't doing anything bad to her.  When she's nonchalant about having it around, start picking it up and hold it close to her while you feed her roast beef.  Soon the presence of that collar will signal that good stuff is about to happen for her.  At first, don't force anything.  When she's comfy with that, you can drape it over her neck - while she's lapping squeeze cheese or sucking down some liverwurst.

In general, fearful dogs do best with a benevolent, but clear, leader.  There are many things you can do to bolster confidence.
"Cautious Canine" is a good book.  So is "Help for Your Shy Dog".
You can get both at dogwise.com

As to the food guarding, don't take things out of her mouth.  Grab Jean Donaldson's book "Mine! A Guide to Resource Guarding in Dogs" and follow the protocol.

I agree with the other posters here. She's telling you she needs help. Poor girl has been discerning life and its ramifications all on her own and now she's reached a crisis point. I know, I have a shy dog, too. He's had to fend for himself--by that I mean he's had to decide, based on bad experience, and all on his own, what each situation means--and now I'm working with him to get him back on track and to get him re-seeing and re-thinking things.
 
The collar is going to take time, as you probably know. You need find something else to do in the meantime. Any reason you installed the electric fence and not a privacy one (aside from money, I know!)?

Thanks for all your kind responses. I will pick up a book or two that you have recommended.

I know that things have gotten out of hand in my household, and she feels like the boss. I have 4 kids and it's tough. I want so bad for her to get over this. She has other issues as well - counter surfing, people jumping, play biting, you name it. It was tolerable when she was little, but at a year and a half, it's so frustrating. There is so much advice out there and it can be confusing at times, who to listen to.

I called a behaviorist and left a message. I hope I get a good one - I called a number that the vet recommended.

nfowler - we installed an electric fence because my husband doesn't like the way regular fences look. I have tried to win that argument many times. I would much rather have a real fence. There is a problem with our homeowners association though, getting fence approval. I refuse to use the electric fence with her. It's just not the right thing to do with a fearful dog, IMO.

Still no collar on. I have a loose choke lead that the vet gave me, so if I can lasso her, I can take her out. I was able to do that a couple of times today.

My mom used to work for a vet. She wants to come over tomorrow and force Trixie to put the collar on, by holding her down in such a way that she can't bite. She subscribes to the belief that you cannot let her see your fear, and you need to show her that you will not tolerate that kind of behavior and what you say goes. I don't know if that's the way to handle this or not. I don't want to freak her out even more, but in a way she's right - I don't want to keep backing away from her either.

Arrggh!

I'm no trainer or even a vet or even a behaviorist, just a somewhat novice (I might be moving off that purely novice ladder) who has a very shy dog (who bit my niece--so there, it's gone pretty far here, too).
 
But I'll tell you--I wouldn't try forcing that collar. I think it will just get ugly. I know what Anne's saying is right--it's hard, though, because real-life with kids, jobs, homework, all of it, take up so much time that there doesn't seem to be much for the dog.
 
Although you (or I) may get some flak, I'm saying it anyway--I've been doing Clicker (I like the big "C" here) training with Murphy and it's worked miracles. Really. He went to "easy force him" training before where we used no clicker, only our words and a choke collar and I think it made him worse. He got yelled at, watched other dogs get yelled at, and it only taught him to trust less.
 
After "the incident" last July I've been taking things very slowly with him as far as getting him used to people and situations again. I have my Guest Only treats and they toss them to him (on the floor) and he's now moved up to taking them from their hands (I taught him "target" and "watch my hand/finger" with my clicker) and he's quit barking at people when they come into my doorway.
 
He can take treats on walks and he can sit quietly and watch people he think he's scared of when they're about 20ft away. I can give him treats and he eats them up.
 
However, if we to to a pet store, the vet, or someplace else (garden store) he's still very scared and I know I have a LOT of time to put into him still. And I can't always do the "right thing" every week. I'm busy, too and I have a lot of demands on me at work lately. But I'm consistently trying.
 
I do not trust him around anybody yet, nor should I, but I am his ONLY advocate at this point. I know I cannot afford for anyone to get bitten by him, and I cannot afford to break our trusting relationship. I am his "leader" (for lack of a better term) and because he cannot speak for himself, I have to speak UP for him.
 
On that note, I hear you, I do, and I don't mean to sound harsh (just typing fast) but forcing a collar will only teach him to hate it more.
 
You'd be better off with a harness, or even a sling at this point. How is the dog going outside for potty breaks now?
 
And, sorry about the fence. What an issue! I guess I should count my lucky stars (at the moment) since I bought my own house by myself (for the very first time). If/when I get married, I won't have it so easy, but for now, that privacy fence is a dream--and not just for my dogs' sake, either!
 

Just remember--you're changing your dog's emotions and thoughts (as many "thoughts" as a dog can have) here. You can train actions, but you've also got to address behaviors.
 
They have to learn how to think that something they once thought of as "bad" is now good. Murphy needs to learn that kids aren't scary--they treat dispensers.
 
That kind of a thing. Dogs can't reason like we do, so all they know is momentary actions and their ideas get built that way--touch a hot stove, you get burned. That kind of thing. They don't generalize well and we have to be able to help them do that.

Do not hold down the dog and force the collar on.  Please, please don't do that.  First of all you're liable to get bitten.  And I couldn't blame her.  Can you imagine what that that would be like for her?  She is already terrified.  You need to help her feel safe, not give her more to be scared of.  If you want to work with this dog, to help her become a safe and happy part of your family again, then she is going to have to trust you.  She needs to learn that she does not have to be frightened and lash out -- that she can relax because you are the leader and you will keep her safe.  But that won't work unless you show her that she has a reason to trust you.  You will not make any progress with her if she is scared to death of you.  And is that really the relationship you want to have with your dog? 
 
You said you don't want to freak her out anymore.  Trust your instinct to care for her gently, and don't let anyone bully you into changing your mind.  She is your dog, and it's your responsibility to protect her.