Humping me and PEEING on me!!!!!!!!

Ok, I am ill now!  I finally did it.  I adopted a male poodle for my little girl, and I got him from a shelter where the volunteers could give me a background check on his temperament.  They told me he was obedient, nice, submissive, the works.  I brought my dog along to greet him.  Everything went down fine.  They sniffed, and ignored each other.  I took him home.  This was today.
 
Well, he's good in the car, he's good at taking a bath, he gets along with the other dogs here, etc.  We are upstairs in my mom's room and he starts to hump me.  He's latched on, and I keep fighting to get him off.  I said, NO, and pushed him off of me, but he was relentless.  He absolutely would not stop.  Later, when I am not looking, he LIFTS HIS LEG on my arm!!!!!!  Ahh!!  Luckily, I had just brought him out and his bladder was empty.  But what the heck?  I've never had a dog try to do that to me!  Why does he act like he's ready to listen to me and lay on his side for my approval, yet he wants to be a humper/pee'er?  He was nutured 2 days ago, and he is 3-4 years old.  I hate to be this kind of person, but if this is something I will be fighting for the rest of his life, I will have to put an ad in the paper to get him into a good, understanding home, because there will be no peeing on humans in my home.
 
I've had several un-neutered males in the past who've never tried this.  I'm confused by this little guy.  And he looks scared of me while he's doing it!  Weird.....  I really want this to work, and I would be willing to try anything.  But I can't be peed on.  No way, no how.  I draw the line at that, because this is seriously not an ok thing to do.
 
HELP!!!