Throwing in the towel... ((long))

I agree that Russell Rescue might be the best way to handle this.  Some dogs are really need to be the only dog in the household.  I also agree that it is not your fault the dog is aggressive.  Some dogs are just "born" that way, I would consider it a breeder issue.  I know that was the case with my Dal, I got him from a BYB (before I knew better[]) and his shyness was something that he was born with.  Luckily over time, (we are talking years) he was much better but never 100% reliable with children.  I don't have kids so it was not a major issue. 

Terriers are a tough breed to begin with but your guy sounds like he may need to be in a one dog household.  Don't beat yourself too much, finding a new home for him may be the best thing you could do for him.

reading through all these posts and my first thought is what about the other dogs?
I would have to agree that in the long run working with a JRT rescue would be best all around - not only for your stress level as no can live with this kind of stress on a day-to-day basis, the peace for your other dogs and to have harmony once again reign.
I have a friend who has a shih tzu that will attack anything that walks past him - including the owner if the circumstances aren't in her favor. She walks on eggshells around him...he has nearly removed her nose, left many bite wounds on her hands. She adores him and he remains an only pet. But even she admits she couldn't handle the stress of his aggressive nature  with other pets as it would be so stressful.
I can't imagine giving up a pet - but sometimes we have to think of what is best for everyone involved people and animals.

Amanda - Unfortunately I know all too well what you're describing and the lengths you'll go to to break up a fight.  It has frightened me to think of what I might've considered to stop my 2 labs from causing greater physical harm or killing each other.  I strongly suggest you accept this as one of those things you cannot control and have to let go....regardless of what the consequence is for the dog you surrender.  There is a time when you have to consider a) yourself and your well-being and b) your other dogs.  I am fortunate to have a set-up (yard) that allows me to keep my dogs separated unless supervised (by my husband, as I've realized I can't control or stop a fight).  Still, it's not an easy situation and if I were alone, I would've made different choices. 
You didn't cause this situation and it sounds like you've done everything you can to work with and around it..  Give yourself a pat on the back and know that you made a choice that was best for you and your other dogs.
I am so very sorry you're going thru this.  I know how frustrating and heartbreaking it can be.

I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this. This is a VERY common problem within our beloved breed. They often cannot be kept with certain dogs, because they WILL fight to the death. I'd definitely try a behaviorist before I totally gave up on it, but.... sometimes that's just the way terriers are.

According to Dr Dodman, in some cases two individual dogs will simply NOT get along with each other.  (At least this was my interpretation from his Dogs Behaving Badly A to Z book.  Interesting read.) 
 
Dodman:
[linkhttp://www.tufts.edu/vet/facpages/dodman_n.html]http://www.tufts.edu/vet/facpages/dodman_n.html[/link]
 
Dogs Behaving Badly book
[linkhttp://www.dogwise.com/itemdetails.cfm?ID=DTB612]http://www.dogwise.com/itemdetails.cfm?ID=DTB612[/link]
 
 
I have two intact male dogs that I do separate when I'm not home.  There have been some scraps, but I have been able to reintroduce them.  It was a slow process to reintroduce them, but what troubles me most about your situation is that you have 2 dogs of opposite sex trying to kill each other.  Has anyone on this board experienced that? 
 
I also know some people who have dogs that are never allowed to inter-mingle.  They make it work, but it is a lot of work.  A lifestyle really.  If you're not ready/willing/able to do that, I think you really do need to rehome someone. 
 
I also know of a trainer who believed you should be able to train a dog to get along.  Until her two large female dogs got into one of those death fights.  Luckily no dog was killed, but she's changed her position on training dogs to get along.
 
I'm sorry you have to deal with this, but please, don't blame yourself.  Spirit dogs is right.

This is quite a problem and I would like for you to consult with me on this one. 
 
The choking for separation in this instance is VERY appropriate.  I have hung a few dogs to the point of unconsciousness to get them to release a bite or end a fight...no need to feel guilty.  Some times it takes drastic measures to to prevent one dog from killing another. 
 
With that said...I think you could train these two to live together peacefully.  They may never play with one another, but they could learn to tolerate each other after some serious behavior mod.  It really just depends on the expense you can deal with and the work you can do, but they could learn to cohabitate. 
 
I will gladly work thought some protocols with you.  Please shoot me an email and we can get started.

It was a slow process to reintroduce them, but what troubles me most about your situation is that you have 2 dogs of opposite sex trying to kill each other. Has anyone on this board experienced that?

I haven't, personally, but I've heard it from more than one JRT breeder that they have to keep their dogs in packs that go together, and once they have one or two serious fights, they never put them together again. I know of one very good breeder (who I would buy a dog from) who had a foster dog kill one of her personal dogs, when he had a seizure. She was in the room. It happens. Dog aggression is a very common JRT trait. I've been very fortunate, with Emma, in this area. She lives with another bitch, with relatively few issues.

I think you could train these two to live together peacefully. They may never play with one another, but they could learn to tolerate each other after some serious behavior mod. It really just depends on the expense you can deal with and the work you can do, but they could learn to cohabitate.

I was wondering if it was doable, if the person was willing to do it. I thought it might be, if the handler of the dogs was willing to be meticulously careful, and very very watchful.... and had professional assistance.

Jennie,
This is going to sound bad, but it kind of comes down to what you are willing to do to teach them to live together.  It is one of the great questions..."does the end justify the means".  I have to decide that eash day when dealing with aggressive dogs.  And that is the question the OP is going to have to answer.  Can the problem be solved...yes!  Should it be...well...I don't know.

This is going to sound bad, but it kind of comes down to what you are willing to do to teach them to live together.

I figured it'd be pretty extreme. My pair only had a couple of bad fights, and that was when Teenie didn't "get" Dog. Now, they're getting along quite well. I feel very fortunate, with similar sized terrier bitches. I guess it comes to a certain point, and it's not even safe to try any more. I hope it never comes to that, with any of my dogs. It's gotta be an awful feeling.

In your experience, Mic, have JRT been one of the troublesome breeds, with dog aggression and resource guarding? Just curious... they seem to be pretty well known for that. When I went to a JRT group with Emma's issues as a pup, I was told that was "normal" for a JRT. Whatever it is, she isn't allowed to act like that.

I actually haven't found JRT's to be harder to deal with in this respect.  Honestly though, in the past 10 years I may have only seen about 25-50 well bred ones.  The rest...it's kind of hard to blame the breed, and I wouldn't judge a breed on 25 specimens. 
 
Not to be rude or offensive to anyone at all...(that's never a good way to start a sentence)...BUT JRT owners tend to baby there dogs more than they should.  And having a JRT is like having an 8 inch tall Rott. This can go wrong very fast!

True, true. I haven't met a whole lot of well bred JRT, either.... It's kind of sad, really.

And Emma says to tell you that she's 13 1/2 inches tall, thank you very much! LOL. I definitely agree that treating small dogs of any kind like they're babies is a major issue. I had to get over that, with Emma. It was causing a good bit of her issues. Now, "But, MOOOOMM, I want it!" gets her nothing, and "I don't want to" gets her MADE to. She's a much better dog. I learned my lesson the hard way. I sound horrible when I say it (I was saying it to someone earlier today, and realized how bad it sounds) but I don't CARE what my dogs want, any more. I give them the best of everything and if they don't want what I have, they're outta luck.  Really hard lesson learned.

I love that attitude.  Give them the best of what they need! and not much more!

You have to also consider the mental well being of the dog(s) in a household who may feel like you would feel if Jeffrey Dahmer was sleeping in the next room.
I think, if the breeder is trying to blame you, and threatens you with sending your pup to a less than desireable setting (probably to keep you from giving the darn thing back - pfft) then I would do as MaryNH suggests and work with JRT rescue.  Often, if you can keep the dogs separated, and "foster" your own dog until a home is found, these groups can find the situation your dog needs.  That way, you have the knowledge that your dog will be in good hands - rescues almost always are equipped to take back their own placements if something goes wrong (and they often have higher scruples than the breeder you chose). 
As to JRT's in general, the short-legged ones right from Ireland are the only ones I'd give house room to at this point.  And, you still have to remember - they are terriers!  More likely than some other breeds to have intraspecific aggression issues in my experience.  We have a lot of them around here, since it's horse country.  (If you have a barn with rats, you need a Jack LOL)

I agree with you. Some dogs will simply not get along with each other all the time, just as it is with humans. I think it is wrong to expect superhuman things from a dog.
 
My dog grew up with a JRT that he liked very much. But he doesn't care for the vicious, untrained, bad-mannered JRT that is allowed to run loose in our neighborhood. And part of that is the way that JRT approaches. Those people and the other family with the roaming pekinese have for sale signs up and I'm wishing them a quick sale.
 
Our dog gets shy sometimes, all depending on the particular situation. I work on his training and his socialization but he may never be a therapy dog. I don't expect him to get along with every other animal. If that means he is our only pet, so be it. Though he does have friends.