Second Hand Dog

First get this book:  "Second Hand Dog" by Carole Lea Benjamin.  It's super.  Easy to read and full of her cartoons, it makes great though-provoking points.
 
You might try to schedule walks with this dog when no one else is out for a while.  Socialization of this sort has to begin slowly -- because if routine walks become battlezones then you have more de-sensitzing to do. 
 
Arrange to meet some friends -- with and without dogs.  Set it up BEFORE -- at first don't even approach, but when you see them in the distance, put up a hand and have them NOT approach, but rather you take the dog and sit it and reward for calm behavior.  Then gradually decrease the distance between you and a 'stranger' and another dog.  But keep it in very very short, successful trips.  Always quit while you are ahead.  A tired frazzled dog can't 'win' and will be over-wrought. 
 
Search for ways to get exercise without encountering scads of others -- and keep all encounters brief and controlled.  I know this is hard, but for THIS dog it is important to take the pressure off.  Every encounter is probably 'wild' for him -- a totally new experience that may be scarey. 
 
This baby has been kept in a box all his life, so even things like the steps at the library are 'new' to this dog.  Flapping laundry in the breeze is a scarey thing, and even a big old ball rolling around is probably heart-stopping.
 
So plan little jaunts and actually set up obstacles for the dog, and plan on times that aren't busy.  Approaching a set of swings at a park when there are NO KIDS around may sound tame to you, but for this baby it will be scarey til he gets to smell and know it's not all out to get him.
 
Go from inanimate objects to real people and then real dogs and other animals.  Be honest with people -- smile sweetly and say "My dog is a rescue and he's had a tough life ... so right now we're in some serious training so honestly I'm going to cross the street and go around you -- not because I think you are a bad person, but just because I'm trying to keep Poochie here calm" 
 
By talking to the person (who may be 30 feet from you) while you put Poochie in a 'sit' and then praise him for any calmness you can get in behavior helps HIM see you are in control.  Trust has to be a big huge issue for him. 
 
Eventually you will be able to carry treats with you and when you meet someone you KNOW (I never like strangers giving MY dogs treats -- only from friends I give them to), then you can hand them a goodie and ask them to hand it to Poochie palm flat. 
 
Be patient -- it took some idiot many years to scare and ill-prepare this dog for life.  It's gonna take you MONTHS to make any headway at all.  But you will.  If you are patient and break this down into teeny weeny tiny steps it WILL work. 
 
Make sure you warn your trainer -- be honest.  But a good trainer will help you set this dog up to succeed. 
 
This is gonna be a lot of work, but you will feel an incredible sense of accomplishment with every step.  He may not make obedience champ of the year ... but then again, he might!! 
 
Wed this dog to you emotionally -- praise him for calm behavior IN the house.  Start basic obedience in the house -- you can teach 'sit' anywhere.  And it will be a bigger accomplishment for THIS dog than any other.
 
Try this.  Just sit in a chair calmly with a treat in each hand.  In fact with a dog this size, sit on the floor.  Just kind of ignore him ... when he is in front of you calmly speak his name and the instant he looks AT you, shove that treat in his mouth.  It's gotta be *fast*. 
 
The object of this is to get his attention with your voice instantly.  It won't take long -- but you want him to associate you speaking his name with eye contact and GOOD THINGS. "When I say your name, you look at me and the world is grand!!
 
That will help you everywhere -- wean off the treats and substitute effusive, enthusiastic praise (a verbal PARTY).  But that's gonna make it 100 times easier in class if he has learned to look AT you and pay attention to you when you speak to him.
 
I realize this is a far cry from walking on leash -- but you can't get a dog to obey on leash if you can't get their attention.  And for a dog like this, learning to please you is gonna be a big thing.  In fact, *wanting* to please you may be the biggest thing of all because I'd bet human "attention" hasn't always been a good or desirable thing.

Well, shoot, I'm not needed here!  Callie has covered ALL the bases very nicely!

Callie,

Thank you for this wonderful guide.  I have printed it out and we will start our program immediately.  I'm at the point in this adoption where I am very angry at the previous owners, I imagine that's a normal part of the process.  None of my dogs have been "perfect," but they've always been dogs I could take anywhere, anytime.  This little guy is going to take an awful lot of work to get to that point.  I am immediately going to work on the "watch me."  That's the first thing I've always gotten my dogs to do, you can't work with a dog if they don't watch you.  When little Misty is out on her walk she spends the walk looking ahead or looking up at me, that's what I'd like to achieve.  Walking her with the new one is now banned, as she has started to pick up on some of his anxieties. 

When I described to the previous owners our life style and the things we would be "asking" a dog to do in our lives, they of course said, oh, he'll fit in properly.  I can see they were just dumping at that point.  There's no way this dog could hope in the car to go to our New Hampshire home, or go to PA for vacation on the river, or spend an evening at a friend's house with us (all things little Misty does and our previous dogs did). 

Another thing this dog can't do is be in loose in the house without you present.  He is ridiculously crate trained, to the extent that he doesn't know how to live in a home.  An example of this:  I was out on a Saturday morning, and DH had some work to do in front unfenced yard.  So, he left the dogs in and went out in the front yard.  Misty retired to her pillow and the new feller pulled an all out nutty, barking, pissing, throwing himself at the door, etc.  DH had him go in his crate with a cookie and he calmed down.  Poor thing.  This is a real problem with all the comings and goings in the home.  When I go out, Misty's loose and the new guy is in the crate.  Now, if while I'm out a teenager turns up (as they always do), the new guy is in the crate wanting out, but if he's let out he throws the type of nutty as described above.  We are training him bit by bit to be in his crate when there is someone in the house.  I'd rather train him to be comfortable loose in the house here and there, but that's too much to ask at this point.  One thing at a time. 

Stupid me, I just didn't realize how much work this was going to take, I wasn't thinking of this as a rescue, just an adoption.  [sm=banghead002.gif]  Could I be any more naive.  And, of course, I've had a worsening of my Multiple Sclerosis symptoms at the same time.  All the walking I'm going to be doing with separate walks is a good thing right now to rebuild the strength that has slipped recently. 

So, we will start on our "Callie program," and be patient and as always kind with the little guy and hopefully within a year have him more comfortable with life. 

And, Glenda, we always need you!!!!  I have no doubt that I'll be popping in with problems for years to come with this one, so stand by. 

OT,  but my sister SWEARS that without her exercise regime, her MS would be far worse than it is.  She either runs every morning or works out on the rowing machine.  Now very few folks are gonna take it THAT far, but this is what she did BEFORE she knew.  So absolutely, every bit of exercise you can get will help...and maybe even make the NEXT episode less severe.

Angelamarie, what a wonderful thing you are doing for this guy. Thank you.
 
I truly feel for you and understand some of what you are going through - I have an ACD at home that was neglected (and abused) much as your little one was.  At least when I agreed to help I knew she was going to have issues never having been inside but just didn't comprehend the extent of them and their effect on my life.  If it makes you feel any better - I am happy now that my husband can move around her and even raise his voice a little and she doesn't pee!  It just takes time but you will get there.  One day at  a time - that has become my mantra.

just keep telling yourself "it will get better". Poodles are tough, smart dogs. He will adapt. Isn't it horrible how an irresponsible owner, not even a cruel person, just someone who couldn't be bothered to socialize and train this dog, someone who  robably thought they were providing a good home, can mentally cripple a dog in this way?

Hi all and thanks for all the support.
 
Hey, Glenda, I agree about the staying in shape for MS strength.  Unfortunately, I was not a great athlete before MS, so I'm not going to all of a sudden turn into one how.  I just try to do as much as I can.  Unfortunately, I'm once again waging the battle of the bulge, 2 years ago I took off 40 pounds on Weight Watchers.  A year of steroid treatments and mental weakness took care of that.  Now I'm off the steroids, but I'm still on ice cream.  All this walking ought to help. 
 
rredbird, thanks for sharing your experience, it's good to hear other success stories. 
 
And, mudpuppy, you said it all so very well.  Food, shelter and warmth aren't enough for a well-balanced dog, it's unfortunate so many people don't understand that.  Off-Topic, I spent the day with 40 great danes, how much fun is that?  I spend at least two days a week with them, 17 of them are puppies (I've posted their pictures around here before). 
 
So, in addition to walking my darlings, I spent a good portion of the day "running" Danes. 
 
Today's exercise with the new guy on the block was a couple of rides in the car.  I bought him a seatbelt harness, and that really helps him remain calm.  Almost like swaddling a baby.  Since he can't rear up or throw himself about at all, he remains pretty calm.  Short rides for now. 

Oh heavens!! I wouldn't expect someone to suddently take up my sisters regime!!  She had actually run the Chicago marathon 2 weeks before she got her diagnosis.  She's the odd ball in my family.....the rest of us are a bit more slug like!

I'd suggest the stress diet...worked wonders for me...but, with MS you dont' need stress, so guess you'll just have to keep those doggies moving! []

angelamarie -- been there done it.  And the only way I know HOW to deal with a dog like this is having taken them on (move over so I can bash MY head into that wall too).  It will take a while but in another way you will be amazed.
 
The biggest thing I can tell you -- and this sounds SO odd, but truly it works -- wed this dog to you emotionally.  ALL of you living in the house.  Make this dog LOVE you like you are so necessary to him you're more important than air, water and food.  Find SOMETHING to make him be a 'hero' about.  Even if it's doing something totally stupid like putting a leash on him to walk to the front door to reach out on the porch for your mail -- don't do it without HIM. 
 
The key to a dog like this is making him realize someone loves HIM.  You love him NOW.  Just as he is.  But you want him to be better and have more fun and have more fun with YOU. 
 
We've had Kee for 3 months now and only NOW is she beginning to thaw emotionally and see us as people who CARE.  No one ever talked TO this dog.  No one ever carried on conversations with her. 
 
It just takes a while, but when you begin to get that "I wanna please you *you* ***YOU***!!" phase he'll progress.  Once he finds out HE can do something **GASP SHOCK** right, and that you are proud of him he'll try ultra hard. 
 
The scarey thing is that when a dog who has been abused by being so ignored finally gets a clue -- lordy they'll fall all over themselves for you.  But it depends on the individual dog how they respond.
 
I'm not sure any of us truly ever get to the point where we can understand how bad some "owners" truly are.  I can tell you, the love of a family can be an awesome thing -- I've seen my husband lay on his back by the hour next to a fearful dog to convince them he's not a bad guy and he can be trusted 'belly up'. 
 
The shame of it is, it becomes so painfully obvious with a dog like this that no one ever gave him good associations with stuff like 'freedom' (and freedom can be a horribly scarey thing for a dog like that). 
 
You might try some gradual stuff -- like leaving the crate open.  Or using an x-pen instead of a crate.  Vary his safety zones but don't take it away totally.  With Ms. Socks I used to hang blankets around her to give her the illusion of a crate -- she eventually got so she didn't WANT to be in it. 
 
But let him be a 'hero' somehow.  It works -- it's a tremendous confidence builder. 
 
And by the way -- YOU are one of MY heros.  Because you took on something like this and you're just looking for help and hints.  And YOU are getting angry with the former owners.  I like that ... be angry.  Be VERY VERY angry at them ... that tells me this little guy has a great big huge fighting chance.  Because when someone loves you enough to get mad on your behalf -- DANG but that's good medicine!!

Callie, your "wed him to you emotionally" suggestion came at such an uncanny time. 

My little one, Misty, and I are an incredibly bonded pair.  I guess when she came to me I was really in need of something sweet, and she is that.  And, seeing her through her surgeries finished the job. 

Today, my teenage daughter complained to me "You do not do the same things with Ted that you do with Misty, like holding him on his back and kissing the pink belly, carrying him in your arms, or giving him a bucket of love all the time."  She then added, "You know you love him, he just frustrates you sometimes.  I frustrate you, too, but that doesn't stop you from loving me."  Out of the mouths of babes.  And, she is right, I haven't been as demonstrative with him as with my Misty, I haven't allowed myself to do that.  The opposite is true of my husband, who is absolutely head over heels wtih the little guy and would do anything for him.  My daughter is also very demonstrative, picking him up and loving him lots and being incredibly understanding and insightful for a 16 year old.  And, I know what you mean about them wanting to please, little Misty would do absolutely anything for me, she thinks I'm the peanut butter on the bread, the icing on the cake, the gravy on the kibble...

Pardon me, I have to go kiss a little boy's very important pink belly now. 

Nah, I think I just have to learn it ALL the hard way, so it's easier for me to open my mouth and let the words fall out about stuff like that.  I've had a tough time bonding to Luna - our newest.  and it was ME who picked her out! 
 
But I've noticed so much it's always the neurotic ones or the ones who are abused so make such an intense turn-around eventually.  Once you can establish that emotional bond ... both of you deal better.  But I don't WANT to love a dog that doesn't love me FIRST.  (in that we're just plain old human, I guess)  So since I've knock my own head on that particular wall, it behooves me to remind others to do what I've had to learn the darned hard way.  *sigh*

An update.  We are having so many problems with this dog, and my energy to deal with it fairly is very low.  This was just one huge mistake, and I don't feel it was my fault.  The dog was grossly misrepresented. 

When left in his crate, he barks his brains out the entire time.  This has been reported to me by a neighbor (not as a complaint, but as a heads up).  If left out of his crate in our absence, he pees and poos all over.  When on a walk, he goes after anything and everything (we don't see that as insurmountable, we are working on that).  If left here with the teens and DH and I are out he still goes absolutely insane with barking and pissing and carrying on.  A ride in the car is a real adventure (another no big problem to me, I know we can fix that one). 

I don't know what we are going to do.  There are moments when I think that breed rescue would be the best place for him.  The former owner contacted me to see how it was going and I was very honest with her.  She reported, well, he had none of that in this home.  Of course he didn't, he was in a crate for 18 out of every 24 hours!!!!  I told her that I don't know if I can do this, she immediately responded, well, he ain't coming back here.  She's got that right.  He's going for a full vet visit on Tuesday, where I'll talk to the vet for a bit about all this. 

I'm in the crapper about this and feel just plain awful. 

You said that hubby is head over tails for this guy so why not make it HIS dog and let you have a bit of a rest from it.  Is there something about this dog that just does not DO it for you? Like he picks on your girl or something? I know it is hard, here it was the other way around, hubby did not like my new girl so I just took over and did not ask him to do anything with her, he eventually has learned to love her now.

Maybe just time.
Have you considered a gentle leader for walks? It really got my two under control.
 

Hi Mom,

Yah, husband is head over heels for this guy and he's making me feel like crud for what's going on.... but did he get up and take the hyper active one on the long walk he requires this morning?  Nope.  When I got my little one, it was with the idea that due to the MS thing I needed a dog who did not require lots of exercise.  The owner of this dog told me, oh he does fine on minimal exercise (again, that's because she kept him in a crate for so many hours for so many years, she didn't even know what the dog needed). 

Today we went out for 3 hours and the new guy was in his crate, the little one confined to her usual area of kitchen, family room.  I got out of the car at the head of the street and quietly approached the house, to find him barking his brains out.  The little one was shaking like a leaf when I came in. 

As for is there something about this dog that doesn't do it for me, yes, I'd say that is definitely so.  I searched very carefully for a second dog, knowing I did not have the energy or skill to rehabilitate a damaged dog.  And, as I said, in the millions of questions I asked face to face with the owner of this dog, I felt he wasn't going to be a problem.  I was terribly wrong.  This is going to take months and months of very intensive work that I am not qualified for or want.  But, when I think of the poor guy going through another transition, it breaks my heart. 

DH and I just had a discussion about it with him saying, "Well, if you're going to get rid of him, then get rid of him now, before I get more attached."  Now, that's constructive, thank you.  Then, I pointed out that if he is so attached to the dog, he needs to be the dog's leader, with feeding and walking and all.  At which he stormed out with the dog for a walk.  Good Grief.