Grieving

Barb, Gabby has an opinion about everything and talks to all of us, dogs and humans. Call me somtime and you can hear for yourself. lol  She's a very tough movie critic because when we're watching a movie, we aren't interacting with her and she's not shy about letting us know that she's much more entertaining.

I do hope Heidi feels better soon and you're right that the dynamics will probably change with Buddy gone.   I think the hooligans will work things out without much trouble and the walks together will help and are a great idea. 

DPU had a falling out with the admin on here -- he's still really active (last I heard about 9 months ago) in rescue up where he lives.  But yeah -- his other dane grieved *hard*

Barb -- bigger dogs are more difficult just logistically **and** this wasn't planned either.  You can only do what you *can* do -- and to be totally honest, it's BETTER that you did what you did rather than falling apart on everyone.  Jackie's also totally right that you have to grieve as well.  It's a dance, and we don't always get a good 'beat' nor do we always like the tune and sometimes we just have to make it thru.

However -- a suggestion that's helped me in the past.  When you get a dog who **is** seriously grieving, I've often done something "new" -- whether it's training at home, or a new class or ANYTHING to shift the focus onto doing something **really** interesting.

After we lost Muffin (like 8 or so years ago now) Foxy was BEYOND devastated.  Muffin was like his 'child' (and I'm being almost anthropomorphic with this but Foxy was the consummate herder and Reno was HIS responsibility and man, you weren't allowed to forget that!).  Foxy was like 17 at the time and I was honestly afraid that I'd lose *him* to grief. Foxy did Give KIds the World (had for years) but he didn't do the big hospital stuff.

So David and I took the 17 year old corgi/sheltie mix, along with the then 16 year old boxer pit mix (the one with the damaged heart that wore jeans & a t-shirt cos she was incontinent and coughed??) --- I threw them back into BASIC obedience (and not even a great class) to sharpen their skills enough so I could get their CGCs.  THEN Foxy went on and got certified as a therapy dog and ultimately DID go to the big hospitals.

Yeah -- I'm crazy.  BUT ... starting that basic obedience class was the BEST thing I could have done.  It was something **TO DO**.  It was different.  It was hysterical (to see these two OLD dogs with all the puppies).  But it was great because the whole class used to use the old dogs to "show" the young dogs how to do certain things-- and it was **THE** biggest ego boost either of those two old dogs could get.

But -- it shifted the focus (and to be honest it was good for me too).  So look around and do something *new*.  Even if you just get a book on tracking, or take a course in Rally or any one of 100 things you really may think you don't have time for.  But if you *do* something new training-wise it can shift the focus, and help everyone in the house deal with this sudden-but-not-so-sudden loss.

Given what you've said above -- if you and your husband could even do a few classes or even some outdoor, park, or some *thing* together -- so neither dog feels "left out" but they have some additional training in working with each other you may find it will tone things up a bit and lessen the impact.

 Once, I came upon a dead fox in the road, and another fox was just sitting there with the body as if to guard it.  When Fergie died, Sequoyah was absolutely beside herself with grief, and even tried so desperately to wake her sis up that the body came right up off the bed by at least a foot!!!  Once, I had another dog die at home, and here were the reactions to Rambette's death: Sioux sniffed once and went and hid under a table; Fergie didn't seem to react much, sniffed and wandered off (Rambette was her dam); Maska took a sniff, walked to the middle of the living room floor and promptly vomited; and Dancer just sniffed and looked at me as if to say "Mom, I already knew."  So, yes, they have different reactions, some of which I am convinced represent grief as they know it.  I also think that talking to them about what has happened DOES have an impact.  My horse was frantic the day his stablemate was put down and the body taken away in a trailer - he kept looking up the driveway.  I went to him, explained about Rainbow Bridge and where his bro had gone.  He never looked up the driveway again in "that way"...  While I'm sure he had no idea what I was saying, I think somehow he sensed that I was trying to convey something of importance.

calliecritturs

DPU had a falling out with the admin on here -- he's still really active (last I heard about 9 months ago) in rescue up where he lives.  But yeah -- his other dane grieved *hard*

(((((((Barb)))))))  First, let yourself grieve, and do it thoroughly.  Seriously, cry hard like a baby, deep from within, let all the grief out.   When Gobie died, it helped a ton.  I spent an entire week grieving like that and then I was able to move on some.  I still miss him, but it doesn't hurt quite as badly as that first week.

Darby didn't really have a reaction to Gobie's death. (Lexi and Darby got to see him after he was put to sleep and watch his burial).  Lexi seemed sadder than ususal (she's a very 'sober' dog) but  also became really NERVOUS about everything.  Gobie was the protector, the leader and suddenly that security was gone.   It took her several weeks to just trust ME that I would keep her safe.  Never did have anyone stop eating or throw up BUT we did move cross country from South Dakota to California the next day.  Wow, thinking back on that, what a rollercoaster!

I do think they grieve....  interesting story:  this last June, we returned to South Dakota for a family reunion and since we were there- and the price was right- I scheduled L and D for a dental at the same vet where Gobie was put to sleep.  Lexi had to go in a day early for bloodwork.  We left her there for the morning.

As we drove away from the vet's, Darby, still waiting in our truck, became ABSOLUTELY FRANTIC!  She was petrified that her mommy (Lexi is her dam) would not come out alive.  I am expecting when Lexi passes that Darby is going to go through some tough times :(   Driving away from the vet with Darby freakng out instantly made me cry, and I"m tearing up just thinking about how it will be when Lexi passes.  She's 12 now with a bad heart... Ugh.  And I realized that day we never really seperate the two of them.  It's going to be hard!

I don't know if any of this helped at all, jus tknow I am thinkng of you and the hooligans!

I remember your rollercoaster ride in moving just after Gobie's passing.

It is interesting to me that Darby feared for Lexie's well being.  Now that place is really scary for her.

All of the responses here help me greatly.  Thanks everyone!

I believe they do. Ours knew Rogue had pasted they where here when it happened and we did take them to the grave to say goodbye before we buried him.

None really seemded like them selves. They were not really playful or anything.

He always laid with Rogue on the love seat and he would try laying with the other dogs, but give up and leave. I actually manage to get a funny picture from this.

When my last boxer Max passed away, my ex-bf's dog Chevy ran in circles around and around his body (literally-running) and had his nose stuck to his body smelling him for a good minute before we had to make him stop. I dont know exactly what he was doing, but I am sure he realized he wasnt there anymore and maybe he was scared. Max always was the older of the two and Chevy looked up to him in some ways. It was extremely sad to watch because it seemed like Chevy was having a panic attack and didnt know what else to do.

Chevy grieved for a long time over this-even started losing weight. He has always been a mopey, dopey dog but during this time, it went into over load and he got to the point where he wouldnt even get off the couch.

It wasnt until I brought home my new boxer pup, Marley when Chevy finally grew interest in "living" again and was playful and content. Now that Chevy is much older and growing greyer by the day, I am going to be devastated when we have to say good-bye to him. Marley has grown up learning the tricks of the trade from Chevy.He has been his big brother ever since we brought him home at 8 weeks.

Anyway, IMO...dogs grieve. And some grieve HARD.

Boxermom2Marley

It wasnt until I brought home my new boxer pup, Marley when Chevy finally grew interest in "living" again and was playful and content

I think this is important.  I'm a huge proponent of companions.

CoBuHe

Boxermom2Marley

It wasnt until I brought home my new boxer pup, Marley when Chevy finally grew interest in "living" again and was playful and content

I think this is important.  I'm a huge proponent of companions.

Me, too, so long as the dog likes his/her companion.  So sad when people get a dog to keep the first one company and the resident dog doesn't care for the new addition.  I find that dogs make their own friends, just as we do, and when you see two really good pals playing together, it's a joy.  When they look like Kramer vs Kramer, not so much...

All of my dogs, with the exception of Bevo, grieved over the loss of Brutus. (Bev & Boo coexsisted peacefully, but they were never friends.) They each handled it in their own way. Chyna, Shooter, & Brinxx looked for him for a few days & were more subdued than usual. Schatzi pined away in his bed for a few days. She was inconsolable in the beginning. She also went on a mini hunger strike, but a few days later, she was back to herself. Angel kept swiping his jacket, and dragging it to her bed to sleep with. She still has his jacket in her bed, as it's been easier on everyone just to let her keep it. Cher searched for him & spent the majority of her summer bald due to the stress of losing her friend. We had to relocate Boo's ashes because Cher wants his collar, that sits on his urn, to be with her in bed. Aside from a little extra attention from us, each of the dogs worked through it on their own. They got over losing Boo a hell of a lot faster than I have.

I think that how you handle things after the passing are, quite frankly, inconsequential. We had Boo put to sleep here at home. We didn't do it because it was easier on us, or because it was easier on our other dogs. We did it because he was happiest here, & I didn't want him to stress over the visit to the vet. I am sure that some of our dogs did come in to see him afterwards, but, again, they were not my big concern at the time. After everything was done, my concern was getting him to the crematorium, so that that could be taken care of, so that I could take my boy back home with me where he belonged. Had we had it done at the vet's office, I would not have brought Boo back home for a final goodbye. It's just not feasible for me.

It is hard enough to hold it together, & be strong for your sick dog, when you know what the likely outcome will be, without having to worry about how your other dogs are going to react. There is absolutely no reason for you to feel guilty in any way, shape or form.

True Anne.  I've been very lucky, indeed, that all my additions have fit in so well at the household. 

Heidi ate an early dinner today of brown rice...and has kept it down.  Yay!  We went outside and played a round of soccer egg...which she enjoys.  She's been drinking and MY general outlook is better...so I'm hoping we are on the mend.

Energy levels are such an intriguing thing.  She is so sensitive...and in tune with me...its no wonder she was a mess yesterday.  Today seems to be better.

I'm not goign to try to repeat what people have said because they've have said things so much better than I could.  Grady mostly rejoiced when his packmates died off.  He thought that Bubba was a kittycicle just for him to steal as we were trying to bury him in the backyard.  No respect at all.  As much as he denies it, I think he has missed the Paps.  He keeps 'channelling' them by doing things that only that particular Pap did.  He's taken over Maghee's bossiness & Aspen's pillow fluffing & folding on our bed.

Kinda late but yes, my leo was very sad when his sister moved out. she did not die, but her owner moved out and took her with him. leo and his sister zo  were the best of best buddies who played non-stop each day. so when she left, he did not play one day for a week. he didnt touch his toys. he ate minimally, and just plain looked sad and layed around. i was not projecting because i was not broken up over the roomate leaving.

leo was moping for about a week, and then one day i saw him grab a toy and start throwing it around and i knew he was recovering. but i do believe they mourn, or grieve, or at least feel a loss of some sort that makes them unhappy until they forget about it or can move on.