Advice...merged w/- take my dog or leave him there?

IMO, dogs are very adaptable.  He might miss the other dog as well as your ex for a brief time, but I think he will adjust.  You can help by getting him into a new routine and not being so anxious yourself.  Rescue Remedy might help you both.

Many years ago, I left a marriage with my dog, who had been around our other dog for 8 years and it worked, even though we moved to an apartment (dog was a husky).  After about a week, it was as if we'd been there without the other dog all along.

ETA: I don't think it is selfish of you to want to take "your" dog.  I took mine, in part because she had a chronic eye condition that required constant medical care, and I knew my ex would do nothing for her.

Good luck, and welcome to the forum, btw.

If he's your dog, he's bonded to *you* and you can absolutely commit that no matter what you will move heaven and earth to ensure that you stay in a place (apartment, home, etc.) where you can have a pet then take him.

They adapt -- absolutely.  The true question is are **you** willing to do whatever it takes in the future to put him first and make sure you can keep him.  That means if you date the first statement out of your mouth needs to be "Love me?  Love my dog!".  Even if you have to take a 'lesser' apartment or home to make sure you can have him in the apartment (it may not be cheaper but one that will allow pets). 

It also means you make sure you're home (even if you'd rather be out with friends) to see to his needs.

When two people call it quits, it's a jar for everyone.  The dog will adapt!!! -- they truly do.  what becomes unfair is when one person in a couple sort of holds the animal as some sort of emotional hostage to punish the other person  **or** neither of you is thinking in the future to the fact that both of these dogs will need vet care and exercise, etc.

I found after my separation that no way was my ex prepared to take care of any animal.  I took both of the dogs simply because he wouldn't make the sacrifice necessary to ensure their safety and well-being.

Don't worry about separating them.  Simply honestly answer the question of whether you are prepared to make the sacrifice to ensure he has a safe and healthy environment even if it means curtailing your own activities to give him exercise and love. 

I don't mean that to sound snarky -- I really, really don't.  But I've been in your situation.  But honestly I also found that I wound up taking better care of myself **because** I had the dog to think of first.  A dog can be a huge help in keeping us centered and grounded not just during a break-up but in the months following.  Prissy tended to be better than I was at judging men and what was and wasn't safe for me.  And I *know* by making sure I took care of her, I took better care of me in the long run.

I agree with Callie.  When we lost the home we were renting due to the owner being foreclosed on we moved into a 37 foot RV...with NO slides.....with 6 german shepherds, and two cats.  They got out for walks (the dogs anyway) and they adjusted.  I wondered too if I was being selfish, but, bottom line is that they simply are too bonded to us to rehome.  Doing that probably would be selfish.

Also, not to sound snarky, but, it's against forum rules to post the same thing in more than one place.  You might want to go back and delete your other post.  Sometimes folks don't read all the rules so they don't know.

Hi! Thanks for the input! I do not take your response to be snarky, either ;)

 Let me just first say that my ex and I took the best care of the dogs possible, routine vet checks, daily walks (sometimes more than once per day) and dog park outtings along with everything and anything ... we'd definitly plan around the dogs, and make sure never to leave them home for more than 9 hours alone. They are VERY well behaved and have the run of the whole house while home alone... they ring a bell to go outside.

The bell is a concern of mine because the Pom (Milo) rings it sometimes (usually 6 nights per week) at about 2am. And he is let out asap to run in the yard and potty - living in this (pet friendly) apartment will make that harder for him to do. I will have to take him down the elevator and outside through the large lobby, I just hope he doesn't pop a squat and pee in the floor! Also, he gets a little nervous when he's all alone (without his brother, Ollie)...so he whines...I don't want him to sit at home while I am at work and cry all day - I would feel awful for him being so upset, and not to mention I don't want any complaints about him from other tenants.

My ex is GREAT with the dogs, and Milo LOVES him so much, I used to think he loved him more than he loved me. So I know that he is in great hands, but leaving him for "good" is the hardest part. I would feel SO bad to take him away from his normal smells, life, and brother... So there is where I am torn. I guess I might be looking too far into this as I feel I am viewing Milo as a person rather than a dog.....

Sorry - didn't mean to post twice, I am just pretty desperate for other's thoughts on this. Thanks. :)

If he's a well-tempered dog, he will adjust.  By and large I feel dogs are far more adaptable and resilient than we ever give them credit for.  You will probably have to make some changes to accommodate his needs but if that doesn't bother you, I don't see the problem.

Commy102

Sorry - didn't mean to post twice, I am just pretty desperate for other's thoughts on this. Thanks. :)

Commy102

I would feel SO bad to take him away from his normal smells, life, and brother... So there is where I am torn. I guess I might be looking too far into this as I feel I am viewing Milo as a person rather than a dog.....

But see life **changes** -- you won't be there.  We all get a bit anthropomorphic at times, but he **will** adapt.  You can't protect him from all change because *you* are leaving and that's going to leave a big hole for him.

They adjust -- sometimes better than we do.  You will have to change his schedule a bit -- you take him outside just before bed, and if it's not safe for you to go outside with him you'll have to make him a spot indoors (I used to use the bathtub -- seriously!  Put a pad in the tub, and show him where it is.  If you have to clean up a mess during the night you can put that paper IN THE TUB til morning.

The bathtub sounds nuts but it is the easiest surface in the entire place to *disinfect*!!!  Urine goes down the drain, *** are easily picked up and flushed.  It won't seep into the linoleum.  It's honestly EASY. 

For every question you have there are millions of apartment dwellers world over who have had to address those issues.

The big issue is -- are you up to working with him and finding answers?  If so just do it.

 When the ex and I split, there was no question as to where Tootsie went. With me. She also had a brother and loved the ex, but she is mine. We moved into an apartment, so no more yard. She adapted quite well. It also helped because I was her person and would probably wither and die without me.