Desperate Help with our new 10 month old Bichon Frise PLEASE!

Three weeks is a relatively small length of time for your dog to adapt.  When the breeder said the dog wasn't aggressive enough that may have been code talk for a shy dog.  Hopefully, with time, he will get bolder and less fearful.  Don't attempt to push him at this time when he's fearful.  It's better not to react at all.

It's possible that the dog wasn't properly socialized by the breeder.  This is not at all uncommon, unfortunately.  I don't have much time right now to type a longer response regarding the importance of socialization at an early age. 

Many dogs won't play with toys if they were never given the opportunity as young puppies.  Breeder failure, IMO.  Same with the dog beds.  If he has lived in a crate or kennel for mo*** of his life he may not be comfortable on a comfy surface.  How well did you know this breeder?

Others will be along with some more info and advice.  Take some deep breaths and don't give up on the little guy.  There is hope that he can become the family pet you expected.

Aggravating new editing by censor.   I've edited this three times.  Grrrrrrr  I feel like cursing.

It usualy takes a good 6 weeks for any dog or puppy to get adjusted to a new home.  The crate may be a good way to start with the housebreaking and getting him to use the beds, do a little reasearch on how to crate train. The crate should feel like a den or cave and become the safe place for a dog to relax, a blanket over it might help with that. Location of the crate is imporant also, it needs to be in a place like the living room or open to the family.  Also, don't use the crate as punishment. There are differnt methouds to use to housebreak a puppy but the best thing to do is get him on a schedule, always feed at the same time and let him out at the same intervals.

As for the shyness, again it takes time but I would strongly suggest puppy classes or anouther dog friend for him to visit.  He may be a little older for most puppy classes but what I have found is that others dogs are best at getting a shy dog to come out of its shell.  I had a foster dog who had similar problems, it took my very hyper and very forward dog to get her to start playing and being herself but it took about a month to see it.

Good luck and I hope you get some good advice from this forum.

1) Never force the dog to approach anyone.  Have them completely ignore him.  It may be difficult for your young children, so try and make it into a game. "Let's see how long it takes our dog to come up to you.  No peeking!!"  They are allowed to have yummy treats and toss them in his direction, as long as they don't look at him, touch him, or talk to him.  When he approaches them on his own, "jackpot" him by giving him a bunch of treats instead of just one.  Have them hold out their hands for him to sniff, if he so chooses.  When he gets brave enough for petting, have them pet underneath his chin rather than on top of his head.

2) Never coddle him when he's fearful.  It is human nature to say "It's okay!" and reassure him, but really what he will hear is, "It's okay to be fearful."

3) Give him time to acclimate to his surroundings.  They are likely VERY different from what he is used to.  Sounds like he was a kennel dog... he needs to learn how awesome it is to be a family pet!

4) As far as house training is concerned, since he is a very fearful dog I would never reprimand him/interrupt him for going in the house.  Instead, completely ignore him when he goes someplace he's not supposed to, but reward him heavily when he goes potty outside.  This will involve taking him outside many, many times until one day he accidentally goes potty outside... then does it again and again until the connection is made that pottying outside = yummy treats and good things.  If you interrupt him in the house, he may just learn "going potty in front of my human is BAD" and then try to sneak potty in remote corners of your house.  You may want to tether him to you with a leash so you always know where he is and what he's up to.

5) As far as toys are concerned, there are ways to build "prey drive" (which will encourage playing with toys) but that should come later.  First and foremost, the goal is to get him to be less fearful. 

6) As far as the beds are concerned, don't worry about that, either.  If he's comfy on the floor, that's perfectly fine.

Here's a pretty good article that might give you some insight and help.  Not everything will work or apply to your individual situation but it's a good starting point.  You may want to find a qualified behaviorist for a consultation. 

http://www.paw-rescue.org/PAW/PETTIPS/DogTip_Shy.php

Patricia McConnell has a booklet called "The Cautious Canine" and it costs less than $10. 

I would call the breeder and ask how much socialization your puppy had with children.  Generally speaking, a ten month old puppy should be social enough to be comfortable in a group of humans, including kids, and he should be house trained already if he stayed with his breeder for ten months!  You may want to put the beds in low traffic areas.  He may be too nervous to lie down (as in vulnerable) near where a lot of activity is going on.  If he is house trained (you may want to ask, big red flag if he isn't) then it's probably just a matter of him learning where the toilet is at your house.  Act as though he's a young puppy and supervise him whenever he's out of his crate.  Don't scold for mistakes - he may already have learned that it's risky to pee in front of humans, or he may accidentally learn that out of fear.  Just keep watch, and if he doesn't pee when you take him out, return him to his crate, wait fifteen minutes or so and try again - repeat until he is successful, then make sure to reward him for going in the right spot.

This puppy doesn't just sound anxious about being in a new environment, although it could be that.  It almost sounds as though his fear is so profound because he lacks exposure to kids and the sorts of activity that you would expect a dog that is destined to show to tolerate.  For now, I would not force him to accept your kids, or anyone else.  I would let him make the first overture, and that should be met with some treats (something really cool, like chicken) dropped on the floor nearby, not with a human hand reaching out to grab him.  If you do not notice a change for the better with your immediate family within a few weeks, that is a red flag that he may not have had the upbringing he should have had while still with his breeder.  

Just a few notes to add to what everyone else has said.

1.  Bichons tend to be puppies a *very* long time.  It is not at all uncommon to see them still have housetraining issues until they are 3 - 5 years old.  Not all, but some.  It's not a bad dog -- it's simply a dog who requires more time to grow into the amount of concentration and confidence that it takes to successfully housetrain them -- it is a breed trait -- not the sign of a bad dog ... PLEASE understand that.  I have a pug and in that respect they are very similar.  You just have tobe 100% consistent and very very patient, as well as realizng as the human that it's your job to *prevent* screw-ups and ultimately they will become more reliable as they mature.

2.  Patience, patience, patience.  And mostly with your kids as well.  It will be critical for your kids to learn to 'read' dog body language.  Can I recommend Stanely Coren's "How To Speak Dog"?? 

 Can I suggest that you approach this baby as a dog who **needs** your family because they are loving and really will focus on **helping** him.  As a family read up on special needs dogs.  If you help your kids see this little dog simply has been a bit handicapped by his history then they will feel less rejected.  Instead -- suggest things as "helping" him. 

Let the kids go with you to puppy classes.  Not to run amok, but to learn.  To see how important it is to be consistent and careful.  Even watching videos of puppies to learn how puppies often communicate by yips and high pitched sounds  But then also to see how too much sudden noise may be scarey to a dog who was never properly socialized even with other dogs or humans.  If you can help them see how scarey the world is from the pup's perspective it will help them as they ultimately approach the dog.

Thank you all for your posts and sorry to get back to you all so late in the game! I had read your posts immediately but never had time to reply, the Tax season is killing me.

Let me first say something about the breeder. Though we don't really know her personally, she seems to be a true professional with a strong passion for what she is doing. Here is the breeder's website: Gemstone Bichone Frises. We did not feel that she is breeding pups "as a business", if you know what I mean. We also found out that Jeter, our pup, has a very strong family line of Champs. In fact, as I mention before, she had originally chosen him to show but then decided to show his sister instead and she did in fact won the Westminster show just a few weeks ago!

The breeder had about 6 or 7 Bichons which we assumed they are all hers. The breeder had trained all her dogs to go on the dogie pads. There was also a dogie door to the outside next to the pads. So the dogs would either go on the pad or would run outside! So if I understand it correctly, Jeter was not really housebroken to that sense of the word.

She instructed us to do the following. Give him a small area (we have given him half of our mud room - no worries, its always clean ). The area we have given him is about 15 feet long by 3.5 feet wide. Inside this area we have placed his crate and a bed. The area is gated off from the rest of the house but he can observe us at times when we pass by so he does not feel trapped.

On most occasions we do allow him to come out of his area and inside the house but with th understanding that we can keep an eye on him and try to make sure he is right next to us. This way we can ensure he does not "make" without us knowing. But I must admit we have not been 100% successfully and we have had one too many accidents. But if we do put him in his area and close the gate, he is not very happy and tries very hard to get out and inside the house!!

The breeder next instructed us to ONLY crate him at nights for sleeping. She told us that we should NOT use the crate to housebreak him since he is no longer a pup! If we do that then he may see the crate as punishment as appose to "safe heaven". By the way, as is, he still does not like to be crated even for the night and tries very hard to run away and get out! For housebreaking, next, she instructed us to take him out every so often, like every two hours and every time he "makes" to treat him with a small piece of chicken. She did warn us to NEVER give him the chicken for ANY other purpose!

At first it was difficult but as time is passing by, he jumps on the idea to go outside and he has somewhat learned, at least when he walks with me or my wife, that every time he makes he will get the chicken and he does in fact look for it. But we still have had times where he will "go" in the house!! So question is how do we train him to understand "OUTSIDE ONLY"!!

As for my daughters, we have already told the girls to let him be and even try to ignore him. My 8 year old understands, but not happy, and my 3 year old says "why???" She is going to make it tough!

We are seriously considering hiring a dog behaviorist but are stumbling on how to locate one who is "reputable". Any help on that would be greatly appreciated!

Best regards and look forward to your posts!!

 From the look of your breeder's web site, it seems that she is doing the things a reputable breeder does, and is willing to continue a relationship with you to help you be successful in adding this dog to your household.  I don't agree that an adult dog needs to see the crate as punishment, especially if you make the crate a happy place to be and don't overuse it, but as long as you are supervising the dog directly when he's out of his crate (that means tethered to your waist, not just wandering around) then you can be successful in a relatively short time.  If you PM me your email address, and your zip code, I will be happy to send you the house training info that I give my students and will try to find a trainer or behaviorist in your area to refer you to.

I also don't agree with the breeder about the chicken.  A high value reward can be used for other training, too, and is especially useful for training a new behavior, or giving a "jackpot" when a dog does a difficult behavior or is working with serious distractions.   The judicious use of food is fine, under the right circumstances, and will not confuse a dog.  To them, it's not people food or dog food, it's just food - but some food is more desirable than other food.  My dogs all got "salmon brownies" for training, for potty training, and for just treats, and no one here is either confused, or disobedient;-)))

spiritdogs

 From the look of your breeder's web site, it seems that she is doing the things a reputable breeder does, and is willing to continue a relationship with you to help you be successful in adding this dog to your household.  I don't agree that an adult dog needs to see the crate as punishment, especially if you make the crate a happy place to be and don't overuse it, but as long as you are supervising the dog directly when he's out of his crate (that means tethered to your waist, not just wandering around) then you can be successful in a relatively short time.  If you PM me your email address, and your zip code, I will be happy to send you the house training info that I give my students and will try to find a trainer or behaviorist in your area to refer you to.

I also don't agree with the breeder about the chicken.  A high value reward can be used for other training, too, and is especially useful for training a new behavior, or giving a "jackpot" when a dog does a difficult behavior or is working with serious distractions.   The judicious use of food is fine, under the right circumstances, and will not confuse a dog.  To them, it's not people food or dog food, it's just food - but some food is more desirable than other food.  My dogs all got "salmon brownies" for training, for potty training, and for just treats, and no one here is either confused, or disobedient;-)))

I have also sent you PM per your request.  Thank you in advance.

I agree with all that has been said, but having experienced this 'type' of bichon, it sounds like he has "kennel dog syndrome"   Even great show breeders do not have the time to socialize all their dogs. The dogs spend their time kenneled at home and at shows, or in the kennel runs outside. they are not socialized to a great number of places and people, and kids.   I had one get over her issue and now likes our kids (but doesn't actively seek out their company).  The other I returned to the breeder.

I would also crate the dog during the day when you cannot keep both eyes on him. Think of it as a tool. He won't pee where he sleeps, so he will hold it when you leave the house or when you're cooking or shower or whatever.   Be patient, give him time, bichons are worth it :)

Even great show breeders do not have the time to socialize all their dogs.

The pursuit of ribbons, or self-aggrandizement, is no excuse to handicap a dog for life.  Sorry, but in my book, such a breeder is not a great breeder, despite the fact that they may win a lot of championships.  The dogs that go on to show should be capable of doing that, but the dogs that do not go on to show should be great pet dogs, and that requires a good foundation.   The saddest thing I ever saw was a Golden Retriever that belonged to a breeder, scared to death of agility obstacles, and that nitwit forcing him to do them.  He couldn't be in the company of other dogs, everything from a blowing leaf to a cluck scared the crap out of him.  But, oh he was beautiful.

One of my wife's friends has introduced us to a dog trainer.  His name is Steve DiTullio .and this is his website: http://forpawzdogtraining.com/index.html

He came to our house today.  After a few minutes of being here his focus became Jeter's uneasiness around the kids and insecurity!  He felt that Jeter needs lots of work with socialization and he thought it could take some time for him to warm-up to the kids. He also mentioned that perhaps the breeder decided not to take him to the show because of this particular trait!!

He gave us a few exercises to do with the kids.  In one exercise he asked me (since Jeter is most comfortable with me) to put Jeter on a leash, sit on the floor and have Jeter sit in between my legs.  Then he asked the kids, one by one first, to approach him slowly. If Jeter would try to get away, the trainer told me to pull him back and have him sit in between my legs once again, comfort him and then ask the kids to approach again and try to pet him and even give him treats! 

There were times that Jeter would try to run away and I did "drag" him back!  Other times, though he would allow them to pet him, he was for sure not 100% comfortable. 

The trainer then told us to do this few times a day and keep practicing it as it is going to take somettime.

What do you guys think?

esabet

What do you guys think?

Socialization consists of letting the dog experience things without feeling fearful.  Otherwise,it's a form of flooding and although it can be effective, it's not the method I would try first or even second. I personally would keep looking for a behaviorist. 

By the way, something I forgot to mention and wanted to also get your opinion on.

This morning we were sitting in the Den with Jeter. (This is before the trainer had come to our house.) After my daughter woke up and walked into the Den, Jeter started barking at her nonstop. In the past Jeter would just jump and run away but that is not what he did this time. He did somewhat back off at first, but then started barking!

Jeter hardly ever barks.  In fact I have never even seen him bark at strangers.  So to see him bark at my daughter was VERY STRANGE to say the least!

So what do you guys’ think is going on there?

What do you recommend my daughter should do if he repeats this behavior?